Free at Last, Free at Last, Thank God Almighty...

Three years in divorce court finally came to an end.

Want to get married? Think long and hard about that choice. Polyamorous is a popular notion that seems to serve me well.

 

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Three years? That's a long time to finalize the end of a relationship.

 

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Congratulations.
Don't grow old.

 

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Indeed, that is one of the biggest dangers I see with men my age. The key, in my very happy opinion, is to keep the company of beautiful young women.

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And that ain't no lie! I feel like I'm 25 again. Five years ago I was as good as dead.

 

Don't' get ugly, disabled, poor, or sick.

 

It is all a matter of time. Nothing lasts forever but you have to make the most of the time you have. I was going down before my time. What I have learned since coming back to life is enough to fill a book. In fact my best friend has been urging me to write one for some time now. It is a brave new world and it can be overwhelming. But if a guy is willing to be bold and show no fear, put yourself out there with almost reckless abandon, and dedicate yourself to the cause [major lifestyle changes for me], life can be full of wonderful surprises I never imagined possible.

 

Good luck, though from my vantage point your enthusiasm seems a bit superficial and self-centred. I felt like you until I was 40 and then I realised if I didn't do something about it I would piss my life away. When the girls start finding you a bit of a creepy old man it's high time to settle down with someone you can really talk to.

 

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that is is the effect of the divorce...

...and not the cause.

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Haha, absolutely.

 

Superficial, self centered, no and yes and no.

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I would bet that you and I define "superficial" differently. I don't want to get married again but have already had a couple of wonderful relationships. As for young and beautiful, if I'm not getting married again, why not shoot for the moon? As it turns out, having common interests and compatible IQs is more important than age. It does mean accepting that I'm going to get my heart broke. But I'll take a thrilling year or two over settling any day.

As for the creepy old guy, I am way past forty and have learned to navigate those waters. Especially because of the polyamorous movement, some percentage of young women are okay dating an older man... I am guessing about 30%. So you just have to be careful and look for the right cues. Test the waters a bit... In my experience, as long as you are respectful and tactful it isn't a problem. I should say also that I have dated women closer to my age but I seem to find the real spark with younger women. The beauty and youth are obviously appealing to any man still alive. But I also think it results from expectations. Knowing the relationship is finite changes the dynamic dramatically and allows us to just enjoy being in the moment. And that is the key to happiness, in my case. I had to learn to appreciate being in the moment again. I had lost that ability.

Self centered? I don't know why finding happiness is self centered. That sounds like the sort of thinking that nearly did me in.

 

How long were you married and at what age did you got married ? Did your marriages produced any children ?

 

Thirty years but we haven't really been a couple for a very long time; about 12 years. Mid twenties. No kids.

 

If I were to divorce, I wouldn't bother with another relationship...not even a fling with a younger woman.

 

Does that mean that while married, you weren't free -- in some essential metaphysical sense, that is?

 

Life was intolerable for many years. It got so bad that I tried to end it all [due to my marriage as well as a firestorm of other crises]. Luckily I was inspired at the last moment and saw a path out; and realized that the real problem was my marriage. I could deal with the rest but the situation at home was intolerable. The trouble was that I got sucked in too deep before I realized that I was past my breaking point. I kept convincing myself that I could keep going on that way. But I couldn't. And of course even trying to end the marriage led to another three year nightmare. But I don't want to get into the specific of the divorce. In all, this is the end of an 8-year long disaster that nearly took me out; and the end of a 30 year marriage that was never good.

 

Thanks. It really is an ordeal, isn't it.

However, as a foreshadowing, I owe my sanity to the women [mainly two].

It isn't quite like that for me. I am the one who is going to get hurt. But I just accept that. We talk about it. They know that I know they will leave me sooner or later. But it wouldn't be fair of me to expect more than that. From my end of things, I don't keep seeing a woman unless we have that special spark. If I'm not dreaming about her and thinking about her constantly, I'm onto the next coffee date. I found a woman who made me insanely happy once. When that finally ended, I worked my butt off to find that again [I had to use an Excel sheet to keep track of everyone I was talking with online or meeting for coffee]. And I did find that special one again. And she is amazing! Also, she probably doesn't ever want to marry. She thinks we could be together for many years.

What can I say? I've never been so happy.

From my point of view, the mistake I made was always living for the future. Planning, sacrificing, setting goals, working my ass off, always trying to do the right thing and contribute in some way... But I never made my own happiness a priority. While I don't want happiness at the expense of someone else, I do recognize that happiness means being happy in the moment. There is no other kind. So now I live for today and let tomorrow take care of itself. And I'm happier than I have ever been.

I am completely open to something that will last. But I'm not going to miss a moment of life waiting for that. And that said, I will never marry again. For one, I won't take a chance on having to get divorced again.

- Lao Tzu

 

Hehe, never underestimate the power of a free market. Materialism makes the world go round.

 

Let's just hope that beautiful young women don't discover the mirror .... or eachother.

 

If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present

ok