Good men are hard to find..

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by birch, Feb 11, 2016.

  1. birch Valued Senior Member

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    5,077
    They say good men are hard to find which seems to be true for relationships but its even harder to find a man you like, otherwise its as dry and fulfilling as a business meeting.

    Of course, it seems when you do, every other woman out there wants him to so now you've got triple stacked against you. You cant win for losing.

    Admittedly i did hit a major jackpot once at least in the over the top looks, masculinity and charisma department but i just could not play the role of the girlfriend even if i seemingly had a favored position while he was screwing the city.

    I did consider if i should stay just because the chances again and to be the girlfriend or wife to be would be almost nil with a man that incredibly hot and sexy. Literally the finest man i have ever laid my eyes on except for maybe a couple others in my entire life and only because there are similarities. Also, i have this attraction to 'bad boys' that seems perennial no matter what logic and how rational my mind can be. Its like steel to a magnet or being drugged. I realize its the drama and intense mental, emotional and sexual chemistry. If its not intense, it doesnt do anything for me.

    It is so true that a man can be attracted to so many women even if there is a special one to him while men may as well be non-existent except for that special one that appeals to the woman.

    So realistically ive learned i should just go from one fantasy to the next and just keep it at friendship level because the badboy type will never be faithful or even if he was, women would flirt or be after him to the point i could never trust or believe him anyways.

    It is next to impossible to have what you want when what you need is not how you want it.
     
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  3. birch Valued Senior Member

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    Even worse, ugly men are no better because, of course, just because one is ugly doesnt mean their character is any different. Its just often a case of 'faithful as your options' which is even more disingenuous to deal with. On top of the fact, they are even less capable of romancing a woman so its like sandpaper in all the wrong spots and at the worst timing with all the bizarre, irritating and offensive fumbling.

    People dont even bother to have relationships anymore because they become fake soon enough. They have 'moments' which would constitute memories full of emotion or connection, even if its short-lived.

    Being nagged like you're the mans mother, presented like a token at family functions or to certain company and especially to his mother not only feels like a job but a cover for all his 'duplicitous' activities because he feels he owns you now. What the hell is that? Not worth it.
     
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  5. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    Is this supposed to be humor?
     
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  7. origin Heading towards oblivion Valued Senior Member

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    You have started one thread where you basically said the universe sucks and now you complaining about men in general. I am going to go out on a limb here and guess that you are having relationship troubles. I have been married for 30 years and I am still love with my wife. Relationships that last and are good are most definitely possible.

    Good luck.
     
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  8. birch Valued Senior Member

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    I guess if it is to you. I was supposedly lucky according to him and some women. To him, just because he endowed me with the honor of being his girlfriend because he was so hot ya see or more like decoy for his double or possibly triple life. He also apparently loved sex parties.

    He paid all the bills so i should have been happy even if he virtually ignored me depending on whatever extracurricular activities were taking up his attention. If we were at the movies, he would fall asleep or he was present in body only most of the time. He also gave me the priviledge by allowing me to have sex with him, with me doing most of the work of course besides all other chores if he just didnt feel like 'hittin it'.

    Sometimes, he would leave me at his mothers and disappear for a few hours. Later, he would tell me how we will grow old together and renovate his mothers house to be passed down to me and something about ten years down the line to which i blurted out, more like 'screamed' that i dont think i want to be with you in ten years which was code for ending the shit now forever.
     
  9. Bowser Namaste Valued Senior Member

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    Not sure how to reply. Maybe you want something that isn't available...or possible. Most people are just happy to have someone waiting at home.
     
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  10. Xelasnave.1947 Valued Senior Member

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    Hi there Birch
    I am sorry you find yourself questioning things and finding many negatives about men and all the bad stuff that goes on in the universe.
    From your posts it seems you let the bad experiences dampen your spirit and it saddens me to observe another suffer as it seems you do.
    I am not sure how you feel but it may help by simply expressing to others how you view your universe.
    I would like to think talking about stuff may somehow help you to order your thoughts and leave you happier.
    Finding a friend or partner can be difficult but when we do it does not mean we need to except crap.
    If you find you are in any relationship where you are not respected as an individual my view is to end that relationship.

    I have been lucky in life in so far as I make friends where ever I go, nevertheless I drop most of them because at some point you determine they really have little respect for others and are simply selfish.

    That does not mean everyone is a pain but really so many are a waste of time, they draw you in with their problems etc and you find your life revolves around their problems.
    I walk away.
    Being alone is better than enduring people who think only of their interest.
    On the positive there are many decent folk to meet we need to be patient and critical and not let the fools make us sad about the world.
    Someone who offers no respect really does not have to be let into your universe and it is you who can lock the door and exclude them.
    You deserve the best accept nothing less. O
     
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  11. ajanta Registered Senior Member

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    I have many dogs. One of them loves her kids very much and feed them but doesn't others, and another(Dog) of them loves her kids and other puppy and try to feed them all if she can.
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2016
  12. Xelasnave.1947 Valued Senior Member

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    8,502
    Yes get a dog.
    I lived many years as a hermit with four dogs.
    They give you insite into ranking.
    Hard to be unhappy when you wake up and you look into four happy dog faces and eyes happy to see you.
    They are gone now.
     
  13. Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

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    24,690
    Perhaps, but it sure ain't science. When humans reach adulthood emotionally (usually in the late 20s but it can be a bit earlier or later than that), our species's monogamous instinct starts to take over. At this point what a human looks for in a mate is considerably different from what they value in adolescence.

    Obviously, fidelity is one of the most important traits, because most adults want to establish a family that will endure--at the very least--until the children are old enough to take care of themselves. It's unlikely that you'll find this by ditching your own mate and snatching somebody else's! If he was not faithful to him/her, what can possibly support the belief that your luck will be any better?
     
  14. Billy T Use Sugar Cane Alcohol car Fuel Valued Senior Member

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    With items like that high on your list of "good man" characteristic, it is little wonder you got lemon. Try replacing them with: well educated, kind, considerate, not poor, and productive in accomplishmets of use to society being his aim, not being the center of parties and conquest of females.

    As is common, we often bring our troubles onto ourselves.
     
  15. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    People change always. Some change for the better others change for the worse. For 15 years I had the one who was better but then she wanted more than I could afford so shew left me for a richer man. I can't compete with others who earn more than I do for trying to do so would only cause me to have a nervous break down and go nutz. When she left I almost did go off the deep end but pulled myself through those difficult times with the help of professionals in the medical field. So I'm just going to set you straight that things will and do change and the competition you have today won't be the same as the competition of tomorrow. You can NEVER EVER trust ANYONE totally. If you do you too will be burned. ALWAYS get a Prenuptial agreement. ALWAYS!!! If you don't you will get screwed one day .
     
  16. Oystein Registered Senior Member

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    Wow. You are a bitter, bitter old man.
     
  17. wellwisher Banned Banned

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    The good men are been systematically destroyed by modern feminism. The political scam used by feminists groups, to get special considerations beyond personal merit, define men as brutes, repressors and the source of all evil. What happens if you teach this to boys? Only men can be sexist according to the propaganda. Mothers who buy into this, will ruin their sons; no good men.

    Say a husband and wife divorce and the wife gets the son/child. The child has no male figure in his daily life to show him what it is to be a man and/or a man of character.

    In the black community where there are few male role models due to the break down of the family. The young men are spoiled hustlers, womanizers or gang bangers. It is hard to default to a good man without a role model. Even a good mom cannot always teach what it is to be a good man, if she never met one.

    Blame liberalism, feminism and the Democratic party for ruining the family.
     
  18. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    UH
    OK
     
  19. Oystein Registered Senior Member

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    Yes, of course. Money was the reason she left you.

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
  20. James R Just this guy, you know? Staff Member

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    wellwisher:

    Are the "good men" the ones who want to maintain the patriarchy, then?

    Please confirm for us that you believe that feminists are not honest about their political and social aims, and explain how you know this is the case.

    As I understand it, feminism is about equality rather than special considerations. Please explain for us how you know this is not the case, and outline for us some of the "special considerations" you refer to.

    I say that you are creating a straw man of "feminist groups". Please explain for us why you are right and I am wrong.

    Please provide a few links to feminist sites that claim that "only men can be sexist". Just so we can verify your claim, you understand.

    Why does divorce inevitably mean that the child has no male figure in his daily life? Please explain.

    Please explain to us why you believe that it is better for a woman to remain in an unhappy marriage than to divorce.

    Also, I am interested in whether you think it is equally bad for children who end up with their father after a divorce. What if they have no female figure in their daily lives?

    This is generally true in the (single) "black community", is it?

    Please explain to us why your claim isn't just thinly-masked racism.

    Or maybe we can blame sexist, racist views on a poor education or upbringing. What do you think?
     
  21. ajanta Registered Senior Member

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    611
    And sorry to say that I'm learning about relationships from many years when I discovered myself as a fishy guy.
     
  22. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    feminists, by definition are sexist
    egalitarians, on the other hand, ain't
     
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  23. river

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    17,307
    Like wise ; a good women is hard to find.
     
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