Caustic Humor

I don’t know about you but the ‘slang’ circulating among proles nowadays is far from stimulating. Surely most will agree when I say the lower class has always had little to offer in the way of creativity, and you need not go further than considering the anemic donations bestowed on its colloquia. Really, how thought provoking is it to hear genitalia downgraded to snatches and weenies? The scrotum as balls? What's so snatchy about female privates, or said better what exactly is a snatch if we are to think of it in noun form, and would the penis be as presumptuously funny if the common hot dog had not been lately dubbed a weenie? No company has labeled its product as weenies, the beef industry hasn’t as much either, so in fact it’s a sausage or a frankfurter, in higher class terms, but not a weenie. The term weenie is one christened by the recent lower class for curious reasons no one knows. Either way its not funny.

But even so, it seems our plebian ancestors, the lower class of old in other words, had loads more style than we give them credit for. Not necessarily bright in the way of nuclear science, they still beat us out where creativity is concerned a hundredfold. A menstruating female, say, was referred to as having swampy lips whereas nowadays ‘pms’ or ‘on the rag’ is used instead. In Shakespeare’s time, a man who sucked on other men’s privates was described as an ‘eater of broken meats’. Even our colorful barb Sir Shakespeare used that line in King Lear. Nowadays, he’s a cocksucker. Ooh. Ahh.

Which one’s the more stimulating: an eater of broken meats (ha!) or a cocksucker? A stinking female reeking to hell of dead hare as being swamp lipped (ha!) or simply saying she’s bitchy?

Yet we like to look back with highbrows and frown on the ignorant dullness of our ancestors. Consider, however, the vernacular of yesteryears- how far more enticing, thought provoking, more biting, thorny and inquisitive it was than the lazy mess of words we have floating around whoring with pop culture in our days.

In our times its prisons and gaylords that’ve turned out most of modern time’s colorful delicacies: stinky pinkies being what’s left on a jailbird when he’s fingered his mate’s anus, pilgrim being a term used to describe a fine man who’s clueless the jailed gays find him tasty, and bean chutes cleverly turned to mean both the slot on cell doors where guards slip their food trays as well as the asshole. In gayspeak or polari, gonorrhea cleverly becomes a head cold while the 18th century soldier dubbed his lonely penis a rusty rifle; pocket pool being what a man does when sticking his hands in his pockets to play with his ballies, while the Hershey highway is where the roused gay goes when he enters his man’s anus, or in other words, his lover’s Hawaiian eye. Londoners call their scrota back wheels while furry cups or panty hampsters denote the London gal’s privates. What’s more, the Anglos had a saying of seeing a brown friend off to the coast for a long voyage to mean taking a shit in the ocean, a common practice among sailors and coastal villages.

And yet snatch, weenie, cool, sweet, and ‘that rocks’ is the best we nondescript nine-to-fivers can do? Are we to let the jailbirds and gays get the best of us?

No sir!

Why not establish our own lexicon? Don’t know about you but I’m a glut for caustic humor. Why not make up our own speak? We’re a bright few, aren’t we?

 

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In that case, pissnads denote privates while a nice female is known as an unbitch.

Manholes will heretofore describe prostitutes (though im not sure if this term has already been coined).

A young man who woke up with the mattress-smell and comes to work smelling like shit is wearing colon (cologne)

And I’m sure we’re all familiar with the term hominid, used in evolution speak to symbolize a backward stage in humanity so in that case a homohid is a Catholic priest, both backward and weird in trying tooth and nail to keep his homo-ness hidden (homohid)(ha!)
Total existence failure could be used for abortion
While George Bush could plausibly be called a jingoist joke.

Speaking of which, in theory Georgy boy does not hate Arabs, per se, and his Christian values no doubt curb his foreign policy but he ends up bombing them anyway. One could say he’s a misanthrope, but in his case he’s misantrabic (hater of Arabs)(get it? Do you really?)

You could further grind him (George) down to acronyms, like Eminem did with his name. Thus, C.C. could be short for cocky cowboy or J.J. for jingoist joke.

If my fellow posters rally around this budding lexicon of ours like they’re supposed to, its this field of acronoyms for Georgy boy (a.k.a. C.C. or J.J) that I feel holds most promise.
So let the juice loose, fellow sci-fers. I’m wanting feedback

 

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'hijacked' could mean a post that's been grabbed by the hair and taken completely out of context. I hope this one doesn't get hijacked and posters stick to the subject.

credit goes to grazzhoppa.

 

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Butt Pirate.

 

ha!
I think I may have heard that before though.

 

with pond could be used for a menstruating female.



"Why is she so cranky nowadays? Did her daddy die?"
"No, man. She's with pond."

 

Butt Pirate is so common. Well, I use it all the time at least.

 

A good old scottish saying for a man who hasn't had sex for a while. " Yon gowk's baws urr fu' man".

 

I sit up at night giggling half asleep and whispering "with pond"
:giggle: ::snort:: pissnads ::giggle::

Say whatever you want of me folks, but you'll have to admit I'm funny.

A bit suicidal, but funny.

.....original, barbish, intellectually gorgeous, fleshwise half so and strangely unsound......

 

....Yet not as terribly endowed in "tittie" as I'd like to be, buxom babe being the idea here.....

But with a few donations from lonely benefactors that I'd happly repay with humble thank you's or a handjob.........

 

Uh.....Bennie-

The Scots maxim- I don't get it.

 

Just names

Sure, there are slang terms for different parts of the body. The sex organs are especially prone to be named slangly. The toe is a body part. But admit it, would it not be funnier if someone stubbed their penis?

 

It's just too rude, even for you gendanken.

 

How do you know all of that Gendanken? I'm impressed.

I find some of the phrases funny: stinky pinkies, pilgrim all make me laugh,

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, and furry cups and panty hampsters do it for me

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. What's wrong with these descriptive nouns??