I can't take much more of this!!

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by Pollux V, Feb 23, 2003.

  1. Pollux V Ra Bless America Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    6,495
    Christ, I'm really, really young. Fifteen god forsaken years old.

    I can't stand it. I just can't. No matter where I am, no matter what I'm doing, I'm always looking forward to the future (unless my mind is occupied). I'm looking forward to tomorrow. To next week. To ten years from now. To thirty years from now. I am not content. I feel like I will be young, forever. I'm having sort of a break down, I guess. I feel like no matter what I do, no matter where I go, I will always be young and immature, and lacking necessary knowledge and experience. It's the bane of my existence.

    And, unlike everyone else I've spoken to about the subject, I will not miss being young. I will look back at where I am right now when I'm in my twenties, in my fifties (if I make it that far) and say "bloody hell I'm glad that period's over." I feel like I have no control over my own life, that everything I do is for someone else, or dictated by someone else. I can't be content. I always have something I need to do, something that needs to be done, whether it be schoolwork or some mundane chore. I'm not sure I know how I can deal with it.

    The happiest moment of my life that I can remember was the second I officially turned fifteen (when I woke up on November 6). I said to myself immediately "one year closer to maturity! One year closer to getting out of this mess of youth!" But that feeling seems to be worn off. My only consolation is that at least I'm not fourteen anymore. What the hell am I supposed to do? It seems like I can only wait, and rot in my misery...
     
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  3. Persol I am the great and mighty Zo. Registered Senior Member

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    I agree with you.. being young had few benefits as your life is not really yours to be had. Don't be fooled though. Your life will only get busier. However, the reasons you are busy... and what you do on your time off... will be your choice. Also, your work is actually rewarded (as long as you get a good job).

    When in school I spent over 50 hours a week on school and related work. In return I was given a grade. As long as you pass it didn't really matter. After your first job how you did in school won't really matter... only the fact that you graduated.

    Now I spend about 40ish hours a week at work and get paid for it. Now when I do a good job I can actually gain. I have more control over my life.

    My choices may sometimes be limited, but I HAVE the choice. I didn't have this growing up, which may have more to do with parenting methods then anything else.
     
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  5. Persol I am the great and mighty Zo. Registered Senior Member

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    On a side note: You're just 15? I wouldn't have guess reading your posts...
    But then again we have 60 year olds on here that act 13.
     
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  7. Porfiry Nomad Registered Senior Member

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    The young man wishes he were older. The old man wishes he were younger. The middle-aged man wishes he wasn't.
    How's that for absurd symmetry?
     
  8. Aquarian07 Registered Member

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    11
    Don't get frustrated,young one. Everbody felt that way at your age. My, advice to you would be to find a creative outlet to channel your frustration. I didn't feel in control of my life until i turned 26. and i spent a number of years in my early twenties regretting the various way i squandered my youth. now that I am 30 I am now realizing how much control i really have. You do have control. you can control your attitude. you can't control what happens to you, you can only control your reactions to it. maybe Persol or you knows who put it best when they said..." life is 90% what happens to us and 10% how we deal wth it" you do
     
  9. CounslerCoffee Registered Senior Member

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    4,997
    Pollux, I once had this problem, its horrible... Believe me I know all to well. The only way to cure it is to go out and party, have sex, do drugs, drink, have more sex, drink more, and then one day you'll wake up and say "Jesus Christ! Im 20 years old!?" Time just seems to of flown by during the last four or five years (Im now 20, and I cant believe it)
     
  10. fingerlickingod Registered Member

    Messages:
    15
    Take some NyQuil, it will make your head foggy and less apt to spend so much time thinking.
     
  11. Cthulhu Banned Banned

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    130
    Counslercoffee makes a good point but another option might be to do absolutely nothing about it. I know you might feel like climbing onto a rooftop and screaming at times but just bottle all that angst up and conserve it for the day of reckoning. Let it build up inside like a stomach ulcer (which it might become) as you plot your revenge against society for imprisoning you within a suffocating system of algebra, shakespeare and pavlov dog style bell ringing between brainwashings. Mass education is wrong I know but suppress any temptation to buy a gun and blow away your fellow inmates and guards. That only leads to an arguably worse prison.

    Ninety nine percent of the crap you are being taught is useless to you. You will never use it again. You have reached an age now where much of your term has been served and you will soon be released temporarily as what "they" hope will be a fully functional and utterly mindless product of the "education system". They will have destroyed your spirit, sucked out your soul and killed any tiny spark of individuality or rebellion you might ever have harboured. Let them be fooled into believing that. Sit in the back of the class and chant their french grammatical pluralisms. Read out that passage from "To Kill a Mockingbird" when made to stand up in front of your peres. Squiggle non-sensical equations. Your mind will be a million miles away plotting how to take over the World.

    Muwahahahaha!
     
  12. Aquarian07 Registered Member

    Messages:
    11
    or however Cthulhu put it, is true. it is preparing you for a life where you will be expected to get a nine to five job. And punch a time clock and do your job as you are told.Most of my friends who did well in school went right on in to that routine non stop. and most of them are misrable and spend alot of otherwise useful time and energy whining about their life and their job and how they hate their boss who is too controling and doesn't see things from thier point of viev...... sound like a familliar routine? So follow a little of Cthulhu's advice and alot of CouncelorCoffee's and bear with it the rest of your shool years while you pay attention to the stuff that interests you and do well enough to graduate. and spend the rest of your time daydreaming about the
    stuff that you WANT to be doing. Like....um....planning..to. take over the world??? At least you can take over yours!
























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    alot
     
  13. Clarentavious Person Registered Senior Member

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    934
    Geez Pollux I never expected to hear this from you - you always have a sense of humor, and appear to be happy. In fact I am lucky I read this thread, because from past experience I would have assumed it to be another joke like post with a tricky subject line/title

    If you want my advice, I would say stop worrying about the future so much. Deal with the issues that are important to you now, and leave trivial matters alone (if they don't mean much, it won't make any difference if you don't tend to them). If your friends are important to you, spend time with them - if you could care less if your laundry basket is overflowing, make sure doing that chore is at the bottom of your priority list.

    Leave the future be and just try to prepare for a successful adult life. If you think going to college will allow you to get a higher paying career, make that a specific plan, but don't ruminate over it now (can't go to college until you have graduated from high school - and unless you've skipped a grade, can't graduate from high school until you are at least 17, so you've got 2 years to forget about the details of college)

    What makes you think you are young? And don't have sufficient knowledge and experience? I'd say about 80%, if not more, of sciforums members do not have the english and grammar skills you do; and many of those are older than you. Don't obsess about being a god or being perfect, you'll be just fine.

    How do we define mature? Something that is aged, or grown up? Well how do babies act; they run around and make messes. You did things when you were 6 years old that you'd never even consider doing now (we all have such embarrassing pasts). Parents try to discipline their children and people develope more as they grow older. So maybe you could cut down on the humor a bit and focus on some more serious matters going on in the world - I mean can being goofy real be a sign of maturity? Wouldn't you consider a professor with a serious look on his face to be more mature than someone who goes around saying silly things?

    Stop doing things for other people (especially those you don't care about), and start doing things for yourself. The only people you are forced to owe anything to is your parents (if they threaten to kick you out of house anyway, which isn't very easy legally if you are 15; once you are 18 they aren't responsible for you anymore). If they are asking you to do too much, ignore them and tell them to take care of their own problems (and if they yell at you, put ear plugs in your ears

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    ) You can't be over stressed by them if you can't handle your own life.

    Don't put so much pressure on yourself and take things easy for a bit. It is not like you have to be a fully accomplished man by tomorrow; many goals take years to achieve. Take a walk out to a local forest or something, to get away from all of the people causing you this tension. If nobody is around, they aren't able to bother you, are they? Just take a break from things and try to relax.
     
  14. Kunax Sciforums:Reality not required Registered Senior Member

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    2,385
    i did not read whole this threat, but i have 1 coment :

    Young people always want to be older, and old people always want to be younger, funny.
     
  15. BLASTOFF Registered Senior Member

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    380
    age is only a number/ o and Pollux V tomorrow never comes, so live for today
     
  16. Pollux V Ra Bless America Registered Senior Member

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    6,495
    Well Then

    I get this too much. If you knew me, you wouldn't think I was a day older than I actually am.

    Since I've been thirteen, I think, I've realized that I will likely be miserable until I'm at least eighteen. Sure, summers are nice, but it all just seems like a neverending cycle of pressures and dates and grades and teachers to annoy. Well, maybe just one teacher to annoy.

    I do! I write! Constantly! And when I'm not writing, I'm pretending to kill things, sleeping, or working at school! What else can an adolescent do??

    I had the chance to lose my virginity a few months back. I think I take it too seriously. I chose not to and have labored over not speaking to the girl again. I had plenty of chances to get hammered on that cruise. I chose not to. This just isn't me.

    Heheheh...

    Bah. I'd never consider killing everyone an option. But, it is in there, waiting for a debate, or an argument, waiting for a channel to fly through...

    Yes. Exactly. But it just goes to show, there's nothing I can do except dream.

    Generally I am, and generally I am a very, very funny person. Most of the time I'm not the only one laughing at my jokes

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    Impossible.

    For me, I define mature as the body of someone either eighteen or twenty one. Not the mind. Just the body. And the priveleges thereof.

    Today it's raining outside. The accumulated dirt from the whole winter is building up like the cholesterol in the arteries of Rush Limbaugh. It's cold. It's windy. It's wet. I have a projet due in a few days, and to the best of my knowledge in my group of four I have been the only one working on it. On top of that, I'm trying to destroy some massive pimples on my face for these girls at school I have minor things for. My today is the world on my shoulders--as is my tomorrow.
     
  17. reformedtopunk got punk? Registered Senior Member

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    663
    all too true schwartz, all too true.

    I don't know what all of your problems are. i enjoy being young. I'd rather be young than old.
     
  18. MacZ Caroline Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    271
    Hey, you should keep it all (a journal) and when you hit 21 or whatever, bind it up and put it away for some time later. Like if and when you have a fifteen year old... Or you could give it to them: "Your Dad when he was Fifteen." That should freak them out and be a useful reference. Like you said yourself, you'll want to forget it, and I think a lot of parents have, for the same reason. Not a place that's easy to revisit.
    Well, it's easy enough when you're older to trace things back to a particular incident and see that every tiny thing - decision - somehow coloured what your life became. Even some things you did at fifteen. (Like maybe you did sleep with that girl and she got pregnant. Well, that's a too big example but you get the idea.)

    So really you're doing more than dreaming - you're shaping your life already through a whole myriad of seemingly small things. And that's not even figuring in everything that chance and circumstance throws at you. And as you move on from fifteen, this is quickly more and more the case, as there are more substantial decisions to make. Consequences get start getting exponential on you.
     
  19. Nightpoet Registered Senior Member

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    285
    The only advice I have is when you hit 18, make sure you know what you want to do. Focus on what makes you happy and go with that.
     
  20. Julie Registered Member

    Messages:
    10
    Hey, i have the same problem...
    Schoolwork,homework,teachers,my mother ,always saying:"you must do this,you must'nt do that" , stuff like that...Sometimes,I'm so frustrated...I wanna be independent ,but i think this will never occur...
     
  21. New Life Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    371
    hehehe, i"m gonna sound really old here, but I remember how you felt and it does suck. I'm currently 18 and its gotten worse!

    When you're 15 you have money and time........now that I"m 18 I do school part time, work full time and volunteer the rest of the time...........I have rent to pay, groceries, bills, and incidentales (the very rare new pair of shoes)........I dont have money, everyone ELSE has my money, and I dont have time b/c I need to make the money to give away. Yes when you're older you can do more stuff.......like buy booze but you cant afford it......and you can stay out later, but you hafta be at work/school early in the morning.

    Enjoy the freedoms that you DO have now and stop dwelling on the ones you dont have!

    and remember how you feel right now cause someday your kid's gonna feel this way and when you give them the 'oh i know what its like to be your age, I was young once too' line you'd darn well better remember how it feels or your gonna lose any credibility you had left with them! I know my parents lost it long ago.....

    and drugs, drinking, and sex are NOT the answer........find something that you really like doing (maybe a sport or volunteer position) and throw yourself into it, its much more helpful!

    Good luck!
     
  22. spookz Banned Banned

    Messages:
    6,390
    alternatives

    Explosives Strapped to Your Body

    1. Get a LOT of explosives. The more the better.
    2. Hook up a detonator to an altimeter. Set it for 100-200 feet. That will give you good dispersion.
    3. Mix Vaseline and gasoline in a bucket.
    4. Find a really tall building that's in a sufficiently crowded area to generate the proper sized crowd.
    5. Get an extra large trench coat, ski mask, duct tape and a lighter.
    6. Bring your materials to the top of your building. Liberally apply the Vaseline-gasoline mixture to your entire body. Duct tape the explosives around your legs, arms, head and torso. The more you use the better. You cannot overdo this. Attach the altimeter to the explosives.
    7. Put on the trench coat and mask so that the explosives are not visible.
    8. Start ranting and throwing things so that you are sure to attract notice. Drag this part out as long as possible. Say anything that comes to mind but try to stay away from real problems. Your love life DOES NOT make for a good sound bite. Ask for news cameras from the major networks. Pace around a lot while waving your arms.
    9. DO NOT let on that you have explosives on your body. The police will clear the area and you definitely don't want that.
    10. When you've gotten the crowd to a fevered pitch, when the helicopters are hovering like vultures, whip off the jacket and set yourself on fire.
    11. Wait until you are completely engulfed in flame then jump.
    12. Try to steer yourself towards the crowd. That way flaming falling body parts will pelt the fleeing onlookers when you explode.
    13. Congratulations! You've just made history.

    Falling through Chain Saws

    This is much more difficult to pull off. Instead of explosives, the money shot is you falling though three or four operating chain saws. You do not need as high a building for this — anything above three stories will do. Remember to use the Vaseline-gasoline mixture. That's the ingredient that adds pizzazz.

    Bullet in Your Head

    HAMMER a bullet into your skull. Make sure there is an empty gun nearby but do not fire it. Bash the bullet into your frontal lobe. It doesn't matter how you get it done it will perplex the authorities for years and you will, most assuredly, be a hot news topic. Hell, you want fame in death to rival the obscurity you had in life don't you?

    Death by Hairball

    Get a cat or a dog and brush it every day. Save the hair until you have a giant hairball. Plug up your nose then shove the hairball into your mouth.
    Leave a cryptic note about how you believe little Fluffy or Rover was planning to kill you in your sleep.

    Meat Grinder

    Find a sausage making company that has a giant meat grinder. Set up a hidden video camera to tape your death. Leave a will with explicit instructions that it not be read until one year after the night of your grinding. In it, detail the way you died and the location of the hidden camera.
    Sneak in at night naked and turn on the video camera. Climb into the grinder and take massive amounts of pills of your choice. Make sure it is enough to kill you.
    In the morning you will be ground up and made into sausages. One year later your will will be read to the news media and people all around the nation will vomit simultaneously.

    Drown in Your Own Urine

    Get a huge vat or possibly an above ground pool. Save all your urine. Drown yourself in it. Put a note on the side of the pool saying, "MY URINE."
    This method would work for any body fluid: vomit, snot, dooty. For you despondent guys out there: A vat of your own sperm would be truly impressive. You would have to work frantically for years, but what else have you got to do? Pop into alt.binaries.erotica and get crackin'.

    Make a Political Statement

    The abundance of media outlets these days has afforded a nearly infinite number of ways to relay your message of doom and despair while consequently minimizing the impact. No longer can you be assured a sizable audience for the ranting and pontificating that so often accompany political/ecological/religious movements.

    "Oh, whatever can I do?!" you may be wailing. "The world is coming to an end. Death and despair loom on the horizon. [Insert your hated adversary's name here] is the embodiment of evil. He/she/they/it is/are/will be the antichrist/destruction of us all/black death come to haunt us/etc."

    "How can I get my cause the attention it deserves?" you ask. The answer is simple: A futile pointless violent act displayed to millions on the evening news.

    Chop Your Own Head Off While Standing Next to a Major World Leader

    1. Ingratiate yourself with your chosen mark. Get his/her/its confidence. Become a trusted member of the inner circle.
    2. Sew a hand ax into a coat or jacket so that it is easily removable but not particularly visible.
    3. Make a statement. Video tape is preferable because the TV news shows love visuals. The more visual material they have the better. The next best thing would be audio tape. It won't hold an audience as well but at least it can be played under the video of your death. Never write a letter. No one reads anymore. No one will care. Make sure your message will be easily found on your corpse.
    4. On the day of a major rally, with hundreds or thousands of attendees and lots of television cameras, wear the coat with the hand ax attached.
    5. Send backup copies of your message to as many news outlets as you can on the appointed day.
    6. Stand in the background as you remove the ax from the coat. When you are finished move slowly toward your dignitary.
    7. As the event reaches its climax, whip out the ax and lop off your own head. If possible try to run around like a chicken. Make sure to get as much blood on the famous person as possible. Aim well. That will be the image that gets the news coverage and the sour faces from Cathy Lee Gifford.
    8. Bask in your glorious death. You've made the supreme sacrifice to save the world and have ended the torment that was your existence.

    Assisted Suicide

    Sometimes you need help. Sometimes it takes a committee. Some of the many ways of suicide are just too complicated to do alone. These are perfectly valid routes to bliss and will not taint, in any way, your death.

    Death by Seinfeld

    Find a strong burly friend that will help you. Then find Jerry Seinfeld. Have your strong burly friend pick up Seinfeld and beat you to death with him.
    Later Jerry will make a tv show out of it or maybe it will just end up in his act. "So I said, 'Hey! Who are these people that pick up other people and beat other people to death with them?'"

    A Pun Death

    Take five large steaks. Rub them all over your body and stuff what remains into every pocket and orifice you can find. Tape at least one streak inside your clothing directly to your body. Find one large hungry grizzly bear. Taunt it till it comes to a full boil, attacks, and kills you.
    Dying this way, at the paws of a grizzly bear, will allow the tabloid newspapers and daily tv news shows to use the headline "Grizzly Death!" repeatedly.

    Intest You Intest Me

    Sometimes you want to do something violent and bloody but you just don't have the wherewithal to assemble a cache of assault weapons. This method is simple and convenient for those on limited budgets.

    1. Make a small incision in your stomach.
    2. Pull out your intestines.
    3. Hang yourself with the intestines.
    4. A cryptic note about aliens might be a nice touch.

    End the Holiday Madness

    Anyone with half a brain hates the Thanksgiving to Christmas season. There is too much family. Too many happy annoying people demanding things from you. Too much forced joy specials on television. And WAY too many repetitions of songs you've been listening to since childhood. Anything Cathy Lee Gifford espouses must, by definition, be evil.

    The only way to escape this recurring nightmare is to:

    1. Stick your head in the turkey just after it comes out of the oven preferably during the Christmas Day™ family gathering but a Thanksgiving Day™ end may also serve your purposes. Your timing really depends on your own peculiar circumstances.
    2. Run around banging into family members all the while flailing your arms. You can never go wrong flailing your arms when trying to kill yourself. The more flailing the better.
    3.Go into a room that can be easily locked so you won't be accidentally saved by well meaning but inconsiderate friends or family members.
    [Alternatively you can just flee the house and run through the streets aimlessly until you pass out. NO ONE in a large city will ever go near someone with a steaming turkey on his head. If you live in a wooded or rural area the best thing to do would be to run off into the wilderness so your body can be found with all sorts of gnaw marks on it from the multitude of animals that will flock to your decaying carcass (and the turkey's too).]
    4. An interesting footnote to this holiday might be to swallow a large number of Christmas ornaments (lights, small Santa dolls, actual fruit cake) before you follow your bliss. Give your family and friends (if you have either) something to discuss the following year.
     
  23. Persol I am the great and mighty Zo. Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    5,946
    Spookz is a sick sick man....

    Congrats

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