Deserved to be cheated on?

Does a person ever deserve to be cheated on? I say yes. But people need to remember the kids, which neither of these men did.


Much has been written in the media about men cheating on their wives. We have the tale of two Jo(h)ns: John Edwards, whose wife, Elizabeth Edwards, appeared on "Oprah" recently to promote her new book, "Resilence," in which she addresses her husband's much publicized affair, and Jon Gosselin, costar of the hit TLC reality show "Jon & Kate Plus 8," whose rumored affair has become tabloid fodder.

Cheating isn't right, but neither is emotional abuse and neglect, writer says.

The former is a tale as old as journalism itself: a man in power cheats on a wife who, from the outside, seemed a supporting and loving spouse undeserving of her husband's unfaithfulness.

The latter is another familiar tale: a man under an enormous amount of pressure is regularly and publicly emasculated and treated like dirt by his wife and seemingly seeks solace with another woman. In both cases, the men are vilified -- but is it possible that maybe, just maybe, at least one of the women had it coming?...

 

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I don't think anyone deserves that level of deceit, even Kate Gosselin, who seems like a real snatch.

Just separate.

 

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Does an abuse man deserve to be cheated on?

 

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If things are that horrible and you are that unsatisfied with your partner..... LEAVE.
Get separated or divorced then do whatever you want with other people.
Nobody deserves to be cheated on, no matter what they do. The person doing the cheating should have enough balls to leave the relationship, since they claim it was so horrible in the first place.

 

I was in a lousy relationship where I got ignored. I left.

 

I think what she did was worse than what he did. She did it in front of their kids.


....In fact, it's hard to think of moments in which this housewife is not humiliating, degrading, and emasculating her husband. On camera, no less. In one episode, she actually chastised him for breathing too loudly. There she is in the supermarket ripping him a new one for being a lousy spouse. There she is at the pumpkin patch shouting at him for being a substandard father. There she is telling him to stop mumbling like a fool. There she is explaining to the camera that she doesn't care what anyone else thinks." ....

Geez, where was all the outrage when that was going on? Isn't that kind of behavior as damaging to a marriage as cheating is? If people vow when they marry to stay faithful to and respect one another, shouldn't the vows be of equal importance? Why isn't Kate's face on the cover of tabloids for breaking her vows?....

 

Oh, I agree. Humiliating your beloved constantly is acceptable, but worse than cheating. I can forgive cheating once. I'm not really sure I can forgive being called a lousy girlfriend or wife.

 

I think you should position the argument differently. Instead of saying 'deserve' which implies they asked for it, let's say 'all bets are off' meaning that a person has certain obligations in a marriage or relationship and if the obligations or criteria are not met then 'all bets are off', they are no longer to keep up their end of the bargain.

 

Sorry Lucy, I'm not re-writing the article. It said 'deserve', so I kept it as such.

I think men deserve more than women do. Men can get a divorce from their wives, but at a huge cost to their role as a father. If a man wants to see his kids every day, he will stay in a crappy marriage. sad but true

 

But Orleander people don't cheat because they believe their spouse 'worthy', which is the meaning behind deserve, of being cheated on they simply feel 'entitled'. And its not a male or female business as both can feel entitled to cheat. People cheat when there is the promise of something that isn't being provided for, no longer or never existed in their relationship. I'm not suggesting you change the word just that the word brings up a sort of judgement that I think is lacking in motivation on the part of the cheater.

 

She did that on television? He must've liked the money from that show quite a bit to be humilated like that on national television.

Anyways, shorty said it best, just leave. The problem is, marriage with kids isn't easy to just "leave"...

 

shorty i used to agree however i now understand this isnt always clear cut. You say just leave and laws have been put in place to make it easier for women to leave abusive relationships but now the oposite is occuring.

In the past if a women left she got a) ostrosised b) lost all finantial surport

This is now no longer the case but this leaves the problem of a man's finantial surport in leaving an abusive relationship. Lets just say X is earning $50,000, owns one house, one car ect. He leaves because hes being abused. His 50,000 now has to surport TWO house holds and his is probably going to be the one with no furniture initally, no car, renting a house ect Add kids (which the mother will probably get no matter what his reasons for leaving were, just look at my other thread on the 12 yo preganate child) and that 50% is reduced even further

You dont think this provides the same sorts of disadvantages to leaving an abusive relationship that women faced?

 

No it isn't, I know from experience. But there comes a time when you realize that you really aren't doing your kids any good staying in a bad relationship.
Kids are perceptive and it is hard to hide arguing and fighting from them. I would rather them see me grow up in a loving relationship. It took me a few yrs to finally make the decision but it was the best one I ever made. I don't regret it for a minute. I am a better person and my kids are happy and thriving in school and in their social lives. They have a great relationship with their dad and see him often. He is good dad but him and I should have never gotten married. Stupid me...I was young and thought I could change him. I learned my lesson that you can't change someone. Maybe you can for a little while but not for the long haul.

 

Cheated is immoral by itself. Deserved to be act immoral? Obviously not.

 

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I'm going to add to my post a little bit; leaving a marriage can be expensive and take a lot of time. It sounds like things worked out good involving your kids, but not every situation goes so smoothly.

Considering an affair can be just a little fling, I can see how people would rather just have the fling and still try to keep the marriage. Its easy to judge people and say "cheating is wrong, you're a terrible person!" but you can never understand a situation until you're in it.

 

I know that every situation is different. But how does it do children any good if the person being cheated on finds out about the affair. I can see the situation being a lot more explosive, and bitter then if the person had just left and then started seeing someone else. The thing you have to remember is that when you have kids and you get divorced in most cases you will have to still see this person for many yrs to come because of the kids. The worse the split the worse things will be when you have to make decisions about your kids in the future and stay civil for their sakes. So in the long run, I think that Cheating while still trying to stay in the marriage for the kids sake is Bullshit and in the end might backfire in your face. I think the better way to go is leave if you are that unhappy in your relationship. Try and split on the best terms that you can, for the kids sake. Cheating and getting caught is not going to make it easier for your kids or your pocketbook when your spouse is out for revenge.

 

shorty im wondering why you havent responded to my post?

 

Sorry Asguard...l missed this post.

I am not the type of woman that would stay in an abusive relationship for financial reasons. If I was being abused I would leave and I wouldn't care
what I had to do to make it on my own. I would rather be broke then be abused or have my children abused by some asshole.

So what does it have to do with cheating?