The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

Discussion in 'The Cesspool' started by The Flemster, May 10, 2004.

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  1. michael_coxonuk Registered Member

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    Scouser, as much as I love topical jokes, it's not mandatory, any jokes are fine, the more the better

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  3. scalli Registered Member

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    Whats pink and covered in dust ?..............................................................................Madeline McAnns bike
     
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  5. scalli Registered Member

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    Gary Glitter bought 10 cases of Glenfiddich scotch whiskey today, because the salesman told him it was a cheeky little 12yr old that goes down well ,
     
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  7. scalli Registered Member

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    The Australians have said they don't give a 4x for the fosters , but they would like to play us for the ashes
     
  8. scalli Registered Member

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    A man ended up in hospital today with a toy horse lodged up his arse , the doctors have described his condition as stable
     
  9. Spud Emperor solanaceous common tater Registered Senior Member

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    Another poor fellow who took a rocking horse up the rectum is said to be riding a little low in the saddle.
     
  10. Spud Emperor solanaceous common tater Registered Senior Member

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    Ahh!, medical conditions.
    A well hung ploughboy who took a shine to his Shetland pony has averted the long arm of the law, the jury took pity on him as he looked a bit worse for wear and they presumed his bestialist tendencies were out of character..he was just feeling a little hoarse!
     
  11. Spud Emperor solanaceous common tater Registered Senior Member

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    Whilst we're on the nags.

    Thios is not particularly offensive but mildly humourous; What's the difference between a cavalry horse and a draught horse?

    A cavalry horse darts into the fray...
     
  12. EndLightEnd This too shall pass. Registered Senior Member

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    Heres a pretty offensive one...

    Whats the difference between jam and jelly?

    Highlight here for answer ---> You cant jell your dick in a girls ass!
     
  13. TimWalden Guest

    Bear walks into a pub.

    "I'll have a pint .................................. of lager please"

    Barman says "Why the long pause?"

    Bear looks at his hands and says "I was born with these"
     
  14. PEPOLSUCK Guest

    Doctor Joke

    A man is waiting in the hospital for his wife to give labor. when the doctor walks up to him all excited.
    Doctor: Sir you have to see this, your son, he is a super hero.

    The man is all confused by this statement

    So the doctor takes him into the nursery and picks up the the mans baby

    Doctor: See, he can fly...

    and drops the baby. The baby hits the floor and bounces a little bit.
    The Man gets all pissed off..

    Man: Hey what the Fuck if your problem..
    Doctor: NO I ASSURE YOU!! Your baby is a super hero watch, maybe he just needs a head start.

    So the doctor picks the baby back up and runs through the nursery and throws the baby. The baby slams right in to the wall head first and lays on the floor.

    The man is even more mad now.
    Doctor: I don't know why it isn't working maybe he needs to fall further to make his flying abilities work right.

    The doctor then Grabs the baby off of the floor and takes it to the window and drops him. The baby falls and lands on the pavement.

    The Man is beside himself

    Man: I am going to kill you you piece of shit. Why would you do that?
    Doctor: No, No, It's ok, It's ok, it was just a joke, It was just a joke... Your Baby was a stillborn
     
  15. scalli Registered Member

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    Amir Khan , entered the ring as a English hero , he left two minutes later as a fucking paki
     
  16. Steve100 O͓͍̯̬̯̙͈̟̥̳̩͒̆̿ͬ̑̀̓̿͋ͬ ̙̳ͅ ̫̪̳͔O Valued Senior Member

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    True.

    Shame it's like that.
     
  17. Steve100 O͓͍̯̬̯̙͈̟̥̳̩͒̆̿ͬ̑̀̓̿͋ͬ ̙̳ͅ ̫̪̳͔O Valued Senior Member

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    Amir Khan proved Muslims never drink.

    He didn't even get a round in on Saturday.
     
  18. evo69 Guest

    I was pleased to see we won another gold medal at the paralimpics for blind diving apparently our guy was the only one to hit the water

    I came across an NSPCC advert yesterday.

    Took me ages to clean the TV

    September 11th 2001 was a very sad day for me. My dog died, I was fired from work and my Wife left me.

    On a brighter note, there was some good stuff on the telly that day

    It's the seventh anniversary of 9/11 and there will only be one thing on American's minds.

    Fucking Cheeseburgers
     
  19. Mikey2K8 Guest

    Im enjoying this forum its given me loads of jokes to tell lol so i thought ild join seems like bit of func
    just some funny ones

    Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.

    The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"

    The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."

    Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.

    Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."

    The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"

    Bob says, "OK."

    Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"

    Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."

    Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.

    The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."

    Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"

    The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it.
     
  20. tim840 Registered Senior Member

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    What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?




    A stick.

    (Not offensive, I know, but I just love anti-jokes

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  21. codanblad a love of bridges Registered Senior Member

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    i'd reword it to 'whats the hardest thing when killing a baby'. just a little more correct. that being the most important part of the joke...
     
  22. codanblad a love of bridges Registered Senior Member

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    pepolsuck, the stillborn joke is possibly the best i've read
     
  23. Steve100 O͓͍̯̬̯̙͈̟̥̳̩͒̆̿ͬ̑̀̓̿͋ͬ ̙̳ͅ ̫̪̳͔O Valued Senior Member

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    It's a good un.

    There's been a few versions of it throughout the thread.
     
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