Real programmers . . . .

The following was posted at a forum. It caused me to remember a series of one liners, which started with "Real men don't ..." or "Real whatever don't ... "

“if you notace i don't capitalise anything... its just the way i type.. i mean im not typeing a paper for college.. so i reely don't care about proper typeing im a programmer, not a typist... the only time i care about capitalise or spelling is if it affects my varable names or something like that... besides that i don't care... “

I started the following on a VB Programmer Site. The first 7 are mine. The rest came from others. If you can think of others, please post & I will add to my file.

Real programmers don't know how to spell words which are not keywords in their favorite language. A smart human can decrypt misspelled words.

Real programmers do not document their code. If it was tuff for them to write, why should it be easy for anybody else to understand?

Real programmers use binary machine code. If it's good enough for the computer, it's good enough for them.

Real programmers don’t use 4 digit years. They use 5 digits, and are prepared for the year 10,000 & beyond.

Real Programmers never work 9 to 5. If any Real Programmers are around at 9:00 am, its because they were up all night.

Real programmers cannot do arithmetic. That is what computers are used for.

Real programmers use the most obscure esoteric techniques possible. It is more important to impress other programmers than to get the application working sooner.

Real programmers do not care about the real world. Programming is a goal in itself, not a means to an end.

Real VB programmers never say "It's Impossible", they just say that they haven't done it yet!

Real Programmers never make mistakes, they just point out that it hasn't been debugged yet!

Real Programmers have no use for managers. Managers are a necessary evil. They exist only to deal with personnel bozos, bean counters, senior planners, and other mental defectives.

Real Programmers don't believe in schedules. Planners make up schedules. Managers "firm up" schedules. Frightened coders strive to meet schedules. Real Programmers ignore schedules.

Real programmers don't test their code, that's what users are for.

Real game programmers write 1000 more lines of code if it makes the game 0.5 FPS faster on a computer that nobody uses any more.

Reel programmers dew knot say it can knot bee dun. Buy the weigh, I no that this is awl write because my spell checker says sew.

A programmer would miss his bother’s wedding to finish a program. A real programmer would miss his own wedding to finish a program.

Real programmers use 10 lines of code to do something that can be done in one, just because it looks more impressive.

Either that or use 1 line of code to do something they ought to use 10 for, just because it looks more complicated.

Real programmers don't make minor errors: They just say they are quirks of the system.

Real programmers don't distribute beta versions, they do not want to be confused with Microsoft.

Real programmers think Windows is lame.

Real programmers think all the natural food groups are covered by pizza and coke.

Real programmers don’t come to Internet Forums and discuss what real programmers do and don’t do.

Real Programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference manual is the hallmark of the novice and the coward.

Real Programmers never write memos on paper. They send memos via computer mail networks.

Real programmers don't have time for "normal" friends

If I related to about 80% of those, does that mean I can call myself a real programmer yet? God, help me.....

 

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Real programmers don't use VB.

 

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Real programmers know that this makes no goddamn sense.

 

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Real programmers do all their best thinking while playing Rogue and Nethack.

 

real programmers have seen this list passed around in email since about 1982.

 

real programmers thought windows was lame in 1982? :bugeye:

 

well, a version of this list...


http://www.multicians.org/thvv/realprogs.html


edit:
And of course we did! Real Programmers use the command line! ;-)

 

Real Programmers can do what they want as they can create their own reality.

 

Real programmers are more concerned with big business and making buttloads of money than the "stereotypical programmer culture".

 

What? :shrug:

 

I think the suggestion is that if a programmer isn't good at their job, they end up with various bugs and lack of documentation, so when it comes round to an error occurring they get called to patch it.

The more bugs, the more calls and therefore the more irritating the phone becomes which will likely cause them to cut the phone cord with a pair of scissors.

 

RedWards: I used 5 digit years in dates because I expected my code to still be functional long after I am gone. It makes senses to me.

BTW: All the codes I wrote long ago ran without modification when the year 2000 arrived. Just for fun all my Leap Year logic was designed to work in 2100 & 2200 which are not Leap years although those years are evenly divisible by 4.

Are you too young to remember the furor over the Y2K problem? A lot of the hype was much ado about nothing. Most banks, life insurance companies, and others who would be most affected by messed up dates were prepared for Y2K years before it came. For example: Insurance companies in 1950 had to process policy data for people born before 1900 and also had policies on young people expected to live past the year 2000. Banks in 1980/1990 had 20-30 years mortgages expected to still be in force after 2000.

 

real programmers dont live in this life...they are inside the machine

 

I would tend to agree with redwards. If you choose your datatype by the number of bits it stores, it doesn't really make sense to talk about it in terms of decimal digits. The fact that time is frequently stored as a number of milliseconds further complicates the issue.

 

LOL urrite


I disagree with several of those

 

boo boo.

Not in Xtreme Programming world ( that is Test First Development ) approach. I write my test cases first (even in Non XP environment) and so do most of the experienced programmers i know off. There are people i know who can envision every requirement and write the code, for me, if the requirements are laid out as test cases, it becomes easier and so do for many others that i know ...

R-i-c-k.

 

I do that to some degree. I usually write several test cases to begin with, and the rest as I go. My pattern usually goes: write just enough code to be testable, test it, write just enough code to be testable, test it. By the end of it, I usually have about as much test code as I have production code.

There are a few people at my work who hate testing. They are the stereotypical nerdy programmers who are overconfident about their skills, condescending toward others, and shun coding conventions. I've found that these are the people responsible for most of the bug reports, and it takes their code longer to make it into the stable branch.

So I'll agree and say that one is bullshit too.

 

Real programmers never say Windows is lame. Why would they insult one of the best cli mp3 encoders? It's even LGPL!

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Rick & Rubiks-Master: Lighten up! Do you also want to put down the real programmer who missed his own wedding to finish a program?

Considering how bad my marriqge turned out, I am sorry that I did not miss my own wedding.

 

Real programmers should know the answer to this question. How do I copy Wordperfect Productivty Pack software from a computer I purchased to another computer I own?