So. I am quite fascinated by my own story! It's somewhat about illuminated and about weird things happening in the mind. I'm still a little confused. Maybe I'll repost this once again later...clearer. So. I assume, that basically all "normal" people will go through their life and make opinions. They look at things and people and decide if they like them or not, basically said, and participate in life in some way. I - did not. Not quite. Or - different. This is complicated to explain. In my normal "state of mind" that I had been in for about 15 years (since my birth), I was basically not quite there on earth. I simply could not use all the mind's power I had, my world was kinda disconnected, it was like being half asleep with his thoughts AND ESPECIALLY feelings all the time and not noticing it. Since I was...half asleep. To make that more clear: I was not able to emotionally differ what is important to me and what is not, and I wasn't excited for things beforehands, and I was amusing myself with sillyness mostly. I did not understand that I can WANT things and do them the way I want to. (E.g.: If I play the computer, then probably, cause I want to, cause I enjoy it. This kind of thinking - Doing something for a reason - wasn't there.) (Same, especially, about other people.) So. In this state of mind, I was not really happy, but not unhappy either. My thoughts were a little mixed up. Then. I changed a lot cause I went through a lot of change and finally was able to perceive more normally...I mean...I want things, so I enjoy those. (Like vacation. Watching a movie. Reading a book. My span of attention was totally limited.) So. Then. One day. Again, as it had been before, my thinking "slowed down" again. (I had been going, while trying to become normal, through different levels of being able to perceive the world around me.) I thought. "Oh no. Why now." Suddenly. I felt like being on drugs. How I would imagine it. I was able to look at everything - especially at people's emotions - and perceive so much. Whereever I looked, just the sensation of looking at it (em...a wall. shoes. clothes. a lamp. the ceiling.) was so amazing, it was, no whatsoever tiredness at all, full attention. I wasn't quite being myself though. Then, going through the next three hours, my state of mind changed. Slowly, I thought faster - and more - and WAY MORE energetic than ever before. Finally, I felt, I was being myself - because I was able to talk to people and enjoy it, and anyway, I had this really cool instinctive understanding of interpersonal interaction. And specially, just was able to mostly understand exactly what a person said, as in, was able to set my finger right on the problem of things. (It had always been like that, but, I was too confused, to state clearly what I was talking about.) At that moment that I remember...I was just happy with the way things were...now I'm a little confused again, talking feels stressful, I'm not quite there with my attention. It's getting way better, though. And I'm learning how to push myself to reach that state of mind. Emm. So. Anyone understands me? An idea of an explanation? Is it maybe all way simpler? I guess it sounds confusing. But in my opinion has something to do with illumination - just the simple fact, the less resistance you have against negative thoughts, the more you love yourself and your world, the happier you will get. It seems that I'm able to get into that state (Though...it's not really that special. I'm just happy then. And don't worry, because I know, I can do what I want now, and tomorrow too.). But by nature, I'm limited in thinking if I don't get into that excited state. Mmh. I'll repost again. Haha. I mean. Post again. good day everyone!Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! :m:
Cool thread, I can relate. The thing is, you can’t let your mind get in the way of spirituality. It is like a fish in the ocean, the fish will never be aware of the Ocean, but the Ocean is there, it is so close; it is all around him... The Ocean is the truth, and the fish was born in it, and has lived his whole life in it, but it is not aware of the Ocean; this is because of the fish’s mind, it doesn’t let him see the Ocean as it is, it has a limited perspective, and it is all about perspective. The analogy turns on you when I tell you that we are not aware of the truth, like a fish is not aware of the Ocean, and the only barrier to the real truth is your mind... We humans have a big ego, so we can’t conceive that our mind is limited in such a way, that we could never understand this, only experience it. Some people like to call "the truth" as "God", and it is the Ocean that is all around us that we cannot perceive with our mind. You seem to be aware of many things that normal folks are not, and it is very interesting that you see things this way. I was listening to a tape from an Oriental guru, and he was teaching a method for this; he said that it is a very powerful method… And at the same time is pretty simple. Go around living your normal life, but start imagining that everything, every little thing that you see is a dream. It is a dream because it is the interpretation your mind gives to the object (energy) you perceive as real. So it is not real, it is an illusion created by your mind in an attempt to understand the external world; the only factor here is, the mind will never fully understand the world as it is. Another thing is, you mind is very powerful, and once you have gone “over it” with any method for meditation, it is likely that it will continue playing tricks on you, like it appears is already doing. Once you perceive things differently, the mind will start telling you: “look, you are seeing things differently, you are special, you are better than everybody else” or things like that; but this is the entire ego, the mind has taken control again. The important thing in here is to not let your mind wonder, the moment that your mind starts wondering you are enslaved again, just look at it wonder, and try to understand it, instead of feeding its games. I once heard a story: “There were 5 stupid men carrying a boat on their heads. So another man passed by and asked them what they were doing, so the men told him that the boat has helped them go from their side of the river, to the other shore; so they were so grateful with the boat that they will continue carrying it on their heads.” The boat is the method to reach “the other shore”, and once you have achieved to get to the other shore, your mind will play tricks on you, telling you to carry the boat in your head. You need to drop the method once you get to your goal, because when you have reached the goal, the method is now the obstacle, the mind is very cunning. Ok, I have gone too long on this post, just let me know if this is helpful, after all, this is all things I have learned from others, and I haven’t fully experienced. Peace out :m:
Who cares but I think i'll smoke up before negotiating my new salary and job after reading this. Yup I'm 100% sure it's a good idea now.
So... Unfortunately, it might all be way simpler...and sadder Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! It seems to have something to do with me being bullied, and escaping my own emotions. I'm not able to feel in a normal way day by day, there are extremes, total loss of all emotions, kinda-feeling-normal episodes, sometimes I'm a little bit of myself but there is something missing...it's very very strange. Yeah, and then there are these few times that I'm just feeling total happiness or like today, had the feeling I was thinking totally clear, like an added level to my thinking, that made me able to reflect about my own insecurities and "unclear" opinions on things and - compared to other people - wrong perceptions of things, and be very very precise about what I wanted to express. Again of course, the problem is, my perception is disturbed anyways, so I have no idea if it was actually that special. Seemed pretty amazing, though. Yeah. Haha.
Sounds to me like you're probably bi-polar. Your either kind of down and mixed-up or in a heightened state above normal functioning, right? That's bi-polar. I suggest you stay away from all drugs and start exercising and eating right.
I've been there on LSD , I understand what it is you want us to think only we think allot like ourselves so we can't get in unless you open the door.
Intelligence-Bolzen, that was a nice description of your changes in perceptions and cognition. But maybe you'd like to say a little more about yourself from a more objective standpoint. In other words, tell us about your personality, your habits, your interests, your interactions, your anxieties with other people, weird and strange things about yourself, etc. Imagine you're someone else describing you, but you still have the knowledge that only you know about. That might help us understand you.
I think I'm going to second the possibility of bipolar disorder or a neurological disorder being responsible for this one. If you're really depressed and having dramatic mood swings it may be a good idea to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist. It's pretty easily treated.
Wow. FUCK. That's all I can say. In a matter of an hour, I just got all of my feelings back. Feelings from about 7 years of my past. First, it slowly kicked in, that I began feeling in a REALLY normal way now, as meaning, somewhat complete way. Went to a doctor with my dad before (He didn't really help me that much, he didn't understand my confusing problem either), then we ate a little. Ehm. Fuck. Back home, emotions, happy ones, overcame me. I put in the string tribute to Panic at the Disco. It was so amazing. Emotions, that I'd just forgotten, suppressed, all came back at once, so many different ones. I was just laying there on my bed. Crying of happiness. Then I looked at old pictures. I suddenly remembered so many memories. Most of them were unprocessed...I could feel that they were way suddler when I was young. There are and were so many differnt emotional worlds, most of them disconnected, unaffected. I didn't learn from my early years and apply it to the others. The next days, weeks, I'm probably gonna spend merging all those emotions into one me...and thinking about, haha, about 5 years of relations and problems and fun and learning. Yeah. Awesome.... But, I'm positive about it. And this is about what I experienced. So. Imagine a person without almost all his emotions, almost only the momentanous ones...spontaneous ones...what you're doing right at the moment, and maybe some from yesterday, and maybe some planning for tomorrow. It's quite a weak character. The amazing thing is, being like that, I was able to separate myself from my ego - and reach the highest level of thinking ever possible. It is a state where you are just totally content with being, I had that quite often. At that level, WORK was so much fun...because it wasn't really work (Well, I'm kind of smart, too, so that probably makes a difference as well). Work is only work because your emotions tell you so, I realized. Once, I was on such a fast-thinking level, I felt so happy, felt like I was in love with everything, was loved, so happy just by looking at the branches of the trees waving in the wind, it was so beautiful, I experienced it as pure harmony. And I listened to music, which evoked emotions incredibly powerful in me. Yes. And I was aware of a lot of things. Once, I was just amazed by looking at, as I said, walls...and people's facial expressions... But I had nothing to say about it, my ego was basically lost at that moment. I really had no other thoughts than "This is amazing. How can that be so exciting? Look, a wall, and bricks! No normal person would ever do this.". Meaning, the level of relationships to anything was lost. (Time, of People, personal likes or dislike, ...) So...all that ever keeps you from happiness is your own ego...and negative thinking. Problems you don't solve. Anger. Everything that you ignore or have bad thoughts about, and don't love. That's my story. Have you experienced similar things on LSD, bipolarity highs, or similar things? Do you have any other explanations? I am still wondering about the several different states of mind I experienced, I'm still exploring. Peace.
Next day it is now. I'm feeling different again. My emotions are gone, I can't think back to those experiences and remember them completely, as I was able to yesterday. It really does seem like my personality is shattered into lots of different pieces, somehow! I don't know what to do. I was planning on psychotherapy or something anyways.
Sounds like rapid cycling bipolar disorder. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/bipolar-disorder/DS00356 http://bipolar.about.com/ Go get a psychological evaluation or see a psychiatrist. If you think you're gonna harm yourself or someone else go to the ER immediately. A week on a psych ward is a whole lot better than years in jail or death. Just a thought.
Instead of giving him excuses to take some poison medication... just let him enjoy his natural high!!! wth!!
Bipolar disorder is a medical condition the same as epilepsy is a medical condition. Some who has epilepsy may experience temporary euphoria, dejavu, and other metaiphysical experiences. They can also suffer from brain damage and become severely injured during a seizure. The same holds true for bipolar disorder- during a manic or depressive episode you run a very high chance of injuring yourself or someone else. I don't know if he has bipolar disorder- only a medical professional could judge that. It could be something else entirely. However, I know what he is describing sounds a hell of a lot like bipolar disorder.
I don´t care what you call it, if he is enjoying it, you are just jealous you want to put medicines on the dude.
Yep, I'm jealous a disorder that can result in my death or incarceration... really jealous. My old roommate had bipolar disorder, she was institutionalised for 2 1/2 years. She'd take lithium over euphoric psychosis any day. Seriously dude, you obviously know nothing about bipolar disorder or what happens if it's not treated. Assuming that is what is going on. I don't know, I'm just suggesting he look into it.
Hey. Still there? So. I do not think it's bipolar, because, my highs are not manic and I don't experience serious depression (I like psychos, so I've read up on bipolar a while ago). Just a few minutes ago I had the sensation of not knowing anything anymore about who I am and what I want anymore, it seemed I couldn't differ what was other people's emotions and what were mine, still, my thoughts are pretty much racing, I'm anxious. Not uncontrolled, this is a start...I really hope... But it seems I basically stopped processing a big part my emotions since about age 12 because I tried to escape being bullied. This lead to these ups and downs, now, they're all back, making me so anxious, but I need to start dealing with them x.x and ITS SO MUCH!!! Any tips? Well,. thanks for all the others.
i think they call your discription of the experience - "being in the world but not of it" - like the post about the fish in the ocean. It is my own experience that it is not a pervasive condition in most people, but there are enough people with similar experiences that it is not totally lonely either. It is a secondary difficulty that we have to resort to words to share experience- so we can never be totally assured that it is the same thing, but i have found that appreciating the gift of observation and neutrality to externals that you have been given is all we have to do if i get caught in figuring out the "oh there it is, hey where did it go?" cycle - i miss the real value like -this heightened sense is to be of use to the human condition - a hello to a person that others can't see - capturing the vision and translating to elevate all of us, through art or music or postings Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! and the gift stays accessible - otherwise it is just another "high" that will ultimately cloud the journey (dirty fish tank)
Are you talking about a state of utter indifference? Like... you don't have emotions (positive OR negative), you don't have thoughts, you just... ARE? If so, yes, I understand exactly what you are saying. Living in our society with this "condition" (for the lack of a better word) is pretty much impossible, though. I'm not sure if that kind of brain pattern is healthy or not. While it is very peaceful, it's too difficult to relate to other people.
