How to shower...

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by *stRgrL*, Aug 1, 2002.

  1. *stRgrL* Kicks ass Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,495
    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:


    1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry
    hamper according to lights and darks.

    2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see
    your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental
    note must do more sit-ups.

    4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth,
    long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

    5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with
    43 added vitamins.

    6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

    7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner
    enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

    8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten
    minutes until red.

    9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake
    body wash.

    10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it
    has all come off).

    11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but
    decide to get it waxed instead.

    12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and
    you lose the water pressure.

    13. Turn off the shower.

    14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold
    spots with Tilex.

    15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small
    country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

    16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze
    hairs.

    17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel
    on head.

    18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any
    exposed areas.

    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

    1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and
    leave them in a pile.

    2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along
    the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo woo" sound.

    3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in
    your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of
    your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass.

    4. Get in the shower.

    5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).

    6. Wash your face with soapy hands.

    7. Wash your armpits with soapy hands.

    8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just
    rinse it off.

    9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

    10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and
    surrounding areas...with soapy hands.

    11. Wash your butt leaving those coarse butt hairs on the
    soap bar.

    12. Shampoo your hair with bath soap (do not use
    conditioner).

    13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

    14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the
    mirror again.

    15. Pee (in the shower).

    16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice
    water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out
    of the tub the whole time.

    17. Partially dry off.

    18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles, admire
    wiener size again.

    19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.

    20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.

    21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If
    you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her,
    and make the "woo woo" sound again.

    22. Throw wet towel on the bed.
    hamper according to lights and darks.
     
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  3. Thor "Pfft, Rebel scum!" Valued Senior Member

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    I've read this before in a book
     
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  5. kmguru Staff Member

    Messages:
    11,757
    One small missing part for the female:

    Wash off throughly the area between the legs with perfumed liquid soap...or something like that...
     
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  7. *stRgrL* Kicks ass Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,495
    Sorry, must of missed that

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    I got this in an email and thought it was quite amusing

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  8. kmguru Staff Member

    Messages:
    11,757
    It is definitely funny, but you are supposed to annotate your own stuff to it...like what you do!....

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  9. NenarTronian Teenaged Transhumanist Registered Senior Member

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    1,083
    Hahahahaha..my favorite part is the weiner-wagging and the "woo-woo"ing...hahahaha
     
  10. kmguru Staff Member

    Messages:
    11,757
    I bet you, it was written by a female....
     
  11. Lykan Golden Sparkler Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    763
    In evolutionary terms, when so much of our body hair has disappeared from the time that we were monkeys, why is it that we still have butt hair and pubic hair? Would anyone care to take a guess?
     
  12. Thor "Pfft, Rebel scum!" Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    7,326
    It highlights certain areas????
     
  13. Joeman Eviiiiiiiil Clown Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,448
    Your body hair grows faster and thicker if the more you shave. If your skin rubs against something, it grows thicker. It doesn't just disappear.

    Maybe when we shave hair in certain region, we are actually sending our body a confusing message. Our body thinks a certain area kept losing its hair so it must be under stress, therefore must grow more hair.

    Just a wild guess.
     
  14. Avatar smoking revolver Valued Senior Member

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    19,083
    Thanx, *stRgrL*. I'll send it to my sister, shell love it

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  15. *stRgrL* Kicks ass Valued Senior Member

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    No problemo Avatar! Glad I could help

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  16. %BlueSoulRobot% Copyright! Copyright!! Registered Senior Member

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    2,294
    ROCL!!

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    !!! *wipes away tears*

    (ROCL=Roll Off Cliff Laughing; made it up meself)

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  17. Pollux V Ra Bless America Registered Senior Member

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    Someone's been taking notes on my shower routine....

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  18. Avatar smoking revolver Valued Senior Member

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    my sister granted me with a return picture

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  19. Pollux V Ra Bless America Registered Senior Member

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  20. kmguru Staff Member

    Messages:
    11,757
    Too bad, it is not true, otherwise all bald man who normally have fine baby type hair would shave everyday and voila...no more baldness.....
     
  21. Jez Optimist Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    40
    You dont say? I couldn't even pronounce half of those oils and conditioners....
     
  22. wet1 Wanderer Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    8,616
  23. thed IT Gopher Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,105
    Don't upgrade

    Dear Tech Support:
    Last year, I upgraded Girlfriend-1 to Wife-1. I soon noticed that the new program began an unexpected child processing, which took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

    In addition, Wife-1 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, here it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as PokerNight and Beerbash no longer run; the system crashes whenever those programs are opened. I cannot seem to purge Wife-1 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend-1, but uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me?

    Sincerely,
    Confused

    ----REPLY---

    Dear Confused:

    This is a very common problem that many men complain about, but the confusion is mostly due to a foundational misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend-1 to Wife-1 with the idea that Wife-1 is merely a utilities & entertainment program. Actually, Wife-1 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend-1 because Wife-1 is not designed to do this. Some men have tried to install Girlfriend-2 or Wife-2, but end up with more problems than original system. Look in your manual under "Warning: Alimony/Child Support." I recommend you keep Wife-1 and just deal with the situation.

    Having Wife-1 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action is to push the apologize button, then the reset button, as soon as lockup occurs. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife-1 is a great program but is very high maintenance.

    Sincerely,
    Tech Support
     

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