Is it ever okay for men to cry in public?

did i touch on a tough subject Nubs??
i've never been cheated on. i have cheated on someone once however and will never ever cheat on anyone again. come to think of it....he cried in public when he found out...wow...this has come together beautifully..

 

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no, no. not exactly like that anyway. my very first boyfriend cheated on me but he and the girl told me together that it had happened. claimed to understand if i hated them forever and everything.

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very odd, that.
i've cheated more than once. yes, i'm a dirty girl. the bad kind. but i always feel terrible about it about. i think i've changed my ways now.

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yeah, cheating is bad. i felt AWFUl when i did and promised myself to never ever do it again. so now...i just quickly call or text them that it's not working and THEN i go and make out with the hot guy i just met on the dance floor......he he
nubs.. atleast they told you of their affair together... that's umm...kinda nice...still not cool though..did you forgive and forget or still holding a grudge to this day???

 

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bad, bad, kat.

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i forgave them while i was in the stupor of the freshly cheated on. later, after i'd thought about it i railed at him because i felt he was the one with the loyalty to me, not her. i told him it was over and if he wanted me he'd have to learn what it felt like to compete with others for my affections. it didn't really work because he was a big guy and he scared away all of the competition.

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eventually i had to dump him...after i was done making him miserable.

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i'm not a bad kitty.....

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( ok sometimes i am, but my heart is in the right place)
i have dumped a guy for the way he stood up on his tippy-toes once. thats kinda shallow hey??? i guess it was just an excuse coz he might have been bad in bed. he he. what quality MUST your man have in order for you to remain faithfull???

 

That's a different breed of man. I am talking about public display of feeling, I'm not talking about men who are living in emotional poverty. Men have emotions too (some of us), and we have to do business with men and women who don't, just like you do. If you were attacked by a a predator, defend yourself, but don't think that only guys do that.

It's against the male code of ethics to cry or show weakness in public. Guy's have as much feeling as women do, they just don't want any woman to every know it because female predators are experts at manipulating emotions. A female predator will spin a guy up in her web of emotional deception.

 

Stop hurting yourself. You only are cheating due to low self esteem.

Anyway, is this thread turning into the "I hate males" type of thread? Cheating is pointless and irrational, and usually irrational behavior has emotional causes, such as low self esteem, or self hate. There is never a reason to cheat.

It would be more interesting if girls, told me the female rules, why do females demand that guys show emotions in public? Why do females like to target weak guys, is it one of the new traps/hacks? Targetting the weak emotionally sensitive guy because hes easier to manipulate and walk over?

 

Cheating is natural because having sex is natural. When we 'remain faithful' (ie don't shag about like chimpanzees on crack) it's partly out of consideration for our loved ones and partly because Western morality compels us to (wherein high value is placed on monogamy).

It has nothing to do with low self-esteem.

 

That was rather my point. I should have put 'cheating' in inverted commas as it's a moral construct, observed exclusively by humans.

 

Cheating has nothing to do with sex. Cheating is deception. If you want to have sex with multiple partners, be a polygamist or a polyamorist. If you want freedom, have an open relationship, and have sex with multiple partners properly.

Cheating is deception, and when you cheat, you destroy all trust in a relationship. If you are with a woman and she puts poison in your food, you'll never eat her food again. Cheating is equal to putting poison in someones food and hoping they don't find out about it. When they find out, that you could have been trying to kill them, how do you think they'll respond?

Personally, if anyone cheats no me, with the STDs of today, I'll never talk to them again, they go straight on the enemy list, along with people who try to poison me. Cheating is simply irrational. Someone with a low self esteem, and a bit of an irratiional nature, will be prone to cheating. STDs are usually spread by people who don't love themselves and who "cheat", not by swingers, not by polygamists, not by polyamorists, not by open relationships, it's spread by people who use decepton and lies to get sex. If you want sex, be a man about it, or a woman, and tell your partner what you are going to do. Don't try to change for them, just tell them who you are, if you arent a monogamous person, or just can't handle it, say so, and build your relationship around polyamory. If you are a serial monogamy person, say so. The whole point is, without trust, and without some basic honesty, you cannot have a relatinoship. The only thing which seperates a friend from an enemy is loyalty.

A person who loves you, should never put your life at risk for a good screw. A person who loves themself and who loves you, will have the safest form of open relationship, and this is where you sit down and discuss the people you are about to sleep with, and meet the person, and make the person take an STD test. The proper way to do it is to have mutual security, where you know who they really are and how they live, and attempt to do so in the safest, least harmful way to the people you love. The cheating and deception is the cowards way of handling reality. You cannot hide yourself from your partner forever, and if you are being fake whats the point? The relationship itself is fake and will end.

 

Nature is rational, cheating is irrational. Cheating is something a typical irrational human would do. There is no rational reason to cheat when you can get what you want just by changing the rules of the relationship. Cheating is how you end a relationship by destroying the foundation of trust. To me cheating is equal to poisoning, if your wife cooks your food every day, it does not matter if she spend years cooking for you, if she even once puts poison in your food and you find out, you'll never eat her food again. If your wife cheats on you even once, you'll never be able to have sex with her again because you'll never again trust her to take care of her own body. How do you know she does not have an STD? You can't know because she's sneaking around, and if you sleep with someone who has an STD you are sleeping with death. It's the cheaters who spread the STDs, not the polygamists, not the polyamorists, not even the serially monogamists, if you want the behavior profile of an STD infected person, it's the person who cheats.

If they cheat, you cannot even trust them to follow their own rules, you cannot really believe a word they say after they break their own rules. Sure a cheater can learn not to cheat, but the person they cheated on, if that person is rational, will never take their word seriously again.

 

Depends on the way they let you down. If anyone puts my life at risk, it does not matter how long I've known them, who they are, or anything. If they don't protect my life, they arent a friend. If a dog bites me and mauls me and goes for my neck, that dog is not my friend. If something attacks me in a way which could kill me, it's not my friend.

So you are correct, you'll have fewer friends, but the friends you do have, you won't have to worry about killing you in your sleep, or killing themselves and dragging you with them.

 

Yes, animals decieve, and it's emotional not rational. If you treat your friends as enemies, you'll decieve them so they think you are their friend. That is basic animal behavior, but it does not change the fact that if a friend discovers deception that the friend instantly sees you as an enemy just as you see it.

 

from personal experience, he must be the one that makes you feel like your relationship is new always. in other words he must be the man madonna was describing in "like a virgin".

time traveler:
you may be right. i did cheat because the men i was with did not make me feel like i was desirable. i cheated because the men i went to be with made me feel like a desirable woman. my husband makes me feel that way. that and the fact that i love him (i think i may not have truly been in love with anyone else before him) has kept me an honest woman. i haven't even thought of another man for at least 2 years now. btw, that's a long time for me.

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honestly, i think every man i've been with since my freshman year was nothing more than a rebound from him. you see, i became infatuated with him but we were friends and i didn't want to risk ruining that by telling him how i felt. that old "better a friend than nothing at all" thing. now 11 years later, we're married.

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as morbid as it sounds, i have to agree. i'm not one to have alot of friends. too exhausting. i put everything i have into friends. their pains become mine literally. after awhile of all that drama, coupled with my own, i just can't do it anymore. so i keep to myself.

 

Not all people are dramatic. You need rational friends thats all. The more rational a person is, the less drama you have, because drama, and irrational behavior is a result of an emotional intensity.

I have feelings like everyone else, but I'm aware of the fact that drama is a burden. Friends are people you share the good times with, not the drama with, as most drama is what you bring to yourself by your own actions, rational behavior is behavior which minimizes drama.

 

Sure, but good people don't let you down in the things that really matter ;p

 

What about those women who cheat even when the marriage/relationship is beautiful?

Like in the movie 'Unfaithful' ;p

 

Is it ever okay for a man to laugh at a public funeral?

 

I'd say cheating is ALWAYS wrong. You don't win when you cheat, it's just an illusion. Cheating is the kind of action that is contagious, if you know anything about memes (language which becomes contagious and evolving), you also know certain behaviors and actions are contagious. One cheating irrational person, creates a domino effect on hundreds of people without knowing it. This is why I say cheaters increase the spread of STDs.

Cheating hurts the self esteem of the victim, it makes the victim feel insecure, it makes the victim feel worthless. In response the victim may be less likely to be faithful in the future to others, and this creates a domino effect as others respond in similar ways.

If you've ever been cheated on, the best response is to end the vicious cycle of behavior. You see the same things with rape victims turning into rapists which creates a cycle of rape. You see the same thing when you see the father beating his wife and kids, and the kids grow up to be physically abusive. You see the same thing when you have parents who are gangsters, who raise kids who go on to become gangsters.

Behavior is contagious, and the only way to end it, is to take a negative energy and make it positive. If you respond emotionally it does not change the fact that its the wrong response and that the right response is the response which ends the cycle of cheating period, either through better communications, more open relationships, polygamy, swinging, or simply less monogamy, but the fact is cheating does not solve cheating.

I know you people are intelligent and you know what game theory is. It's irrational to choose a behavior in which everyone loses. The best behavior is the behavior with the maximal amount of winners. Most people however are irrational because they think if they win in the moment that it is more valueable than if everyone wins. When no one loses, victory is much sweeter. HonorAndStrength, your name alone tells me you know about honor, and have an idea of what I'm talking about. In team sports, the best victory is the victory where the whole team wins, not the victory where one player gets all the points and glory.

You are also right, good people don't cross a certain line, and we know what that line is as good people.