Do you think I'll ever get laid?

That can be a really awkward age, so don't feel hopeless. Many women your age are looking for someone a few years older. You might want to hang out with college-age women.

They can smell that. You need to do some meditation or something like that so you don't define yourself by your virginity and desperation. It's a big turnoff to a lot of women. Men are famous for having only one thing on their minds already. A man who's never gotten it is even worse.

That doesn't matter, as long as you're not fat.

That really doesn't matter as much as most people think it does. Guys who are drop-dead handsome get more action, but ordinary looking guys get plenty. Standards of beauty are very individual.

Like I said, try to not fixate on that. It shows, trust me.

Yeah, well that goes right along with "never had sex." The hornier you are, the nicer they all seem. If you go around acting like you think all women are hot, that's a real turn-off. Women don't think about sex nearly as much as we do and it's annoying to be around a man who is obviously thinking about it all the time.

Sixty percent of the people in any town are either married or involved in a relationship. Probably more than that, actually. It would be pretty unusual for almost half the people in a place to be unattached! So don't worry about the statistics. Unless you're in a place like Alaska, there are plenty of available women to go around. You only need one.

How do you go about meeting women? Where do you go, what kinds of things do you do? If you're not the kind of guy who attracts women's attention everywhere he goes and has to fight them off (and who is?), the best way to meet women is to go to places where you do the things you like to do, and you'll find women there who like to do those things too. It's a painless way to become acquainted, you have a common interest right from the start.

People are telling you to go to bars and that certainly works for a lot of them. But it doesn't work for everybody. It never worked for me when I was your age. If you feel self-conscious about it, if you feel like you're there just as part of a formula for pickin' up chicks, everyone will be able to sense that and you won't come across as very attractive. That's how it felt to me and the girls stayed far away from me. If bars don't work for you then forget it. Take a class or join a hobby group or go to a flower show or take your dog to the park or just do something that gets you out of the house to a place where people are doing something besides work, school, and taking care of business. There are lots of women in those places. I met one of my girlfriends by going off-road motorcycling out in the desert, so believe me when I say they are literally everywhere.

If your friends throw parties, that's often a much better venue than bars. There are a lot of similarities but everybody feels more comfortable, and there's usually somebody to introduce their friends to each other, or you just find yourself hanging in the same group because you know the same people. It's not quite the same thing as going out looking to pick up a stranger so it feels more wholesome to a lot of people.

Have you done a lot of dating? I can't tell from your description if your problem is that women you date don't want to sleep with you, or if your problem is that you're not dating very many women, very often.

Dating is much more important than having sex because it fulfills a lot more of your human needs, and as a bonus it comes with the built-in advantage that it greatly increases the probability of having sex. It's possible to go to a bar or a party or even a book signing, meet a woman, hit it off, and go home and have sex and maybe never see each other again. Things like that do happen and I'm sure people will pipe up right here on this forum and say it happened to them. But it doesn't happen to most people very often and it doesn't happen to a lot of people at all. I was your age in the 1960s, the start of the Sexual Revolution, and it never happened to me.

If you are dating and the women you date don't want to sleep with you, that's an interesting problem. Are you too pushy? MTV notwithstanding, most women really don't want to screw you on the first date or even the second and if you try too hard there won't be a third. Does your desperation show through so you look and act like a guy that only has one thing on his mind? That will drive them away. But if all the girls you hook up with simply don't want sex, then maybe you need to relocate.

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Someone will eventually put a post here suggesting that you go to a prostitute. It will take a lot of the pressure off. But it has its disadvantages, especially in the era of rampant STDs. If you're in a place like Nevada or many European cities where it's legal, licensed, and regulated the risk is lower. Or if you can just afford a really expensive call girl who has a good medical plan. I can't imagine what that's like, but it used to be pretty common back in the old days when "nice girls" really didn't "do it." Sex should involve at least a modicum of feelings, of bonding, of mutual attraction--especially the first time. Doing it with a total stranger for money eliminates that, at least if it's not with one of those high-price babes with the talent to make it a fantasy.

That said, if you're determined to put a lot of effort into this and not do it the conventional way, come to Washington DC. For a lot of complicated reasons, single, available, heterosexual women outnumber single, available, heterosexual men 3 to 2. You probably won't have any trouble here.

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No. Like I said, not even back in the 60s when the Beatles were telling us it's ok to "do it in the road." Sex on the first date a few times, but never with a stranger.

 

It sounds like your life has been unusually limited since high school. Did you go to a university? I would guess not, because you don't talk like you've had the kinds of experiences that even geeks have in college.

That can become a death-spiral. The antidepressants may be subtly affecting your spirit so that you may become slightly more introverted and slightly less interesting to others. And the problem becomes worse. I don't know how long you've been taking them but if it's been more than a few months you should check out some of the other approaches to this problem like yoga, meditation or the Emotional Freedom Technique.

Why do people insult you? What is the nature of their remarks? Do they comment on your personality, your achievements, your social skills, your interests, the way you talk, your religion...? This kind of behavior among peers is pretty unusual after our adolescent hormones stop raging. What reason do these people have for treating you this way instead of simply ignoring you if they don't like you? Do you get off to a bad start with people by always seeming to say things that irritate them when you're just trying to make polite conversation? That's a common problem but there are lots of people who know how to help solve it, just a manner of breaking old habits and understanding other people a bit better.

Are you from a different community, like a foreign country? It's pretty easy to say the wrong thing when you're not totally familiar with the subtleties of the other person's culture. Foreign people always get along better in big cities. City people are more open-minded and cosmopolitan. They find foreigners charming and interesting, whereas in smaller towns they're not used to them and are afraid of the differences. As a result, immigrants tend to congregate in the cities so the townfolk never get to meet them.

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That's a line from movies and TV. In real life, it's quite possible to be a bad kisser with someone you aren't very intimate with. Too tense, too aggressive, too sloppy, too awkward, lots of ways. But a "good" kiss is part of the whole experience of intimacy. It feels good because it's a communication of love or at least joyful, consensual lust. A kiss without a proper context can't be very "good." It would be like saying, "This is a good belt," when you haven't got pants with belt loops. How do you know? I think she was just trying to be nice to you, to let you know that she thought you were a good guy. Reinforcing the statement she made about you by saying it was okay to kiss her in the first place, telling you she hadn't made a mistake and was glad. I hope you will always remember her fondly, she was really being very kind and helpful. Sometimes the subtext of a communication is far more important than the text.

Again, you seem to be living the life of a much younger man. Of course Star Trek conventions are full of grownups and even people my age, but it's just because we've got the money to attend them. To take sci fi that seriously is something you more often encounter in teenagers. Ditto for anime. You need to be patient with yourself because you're not living the part of your life that most people live at your age. I'm not knocking it, almost all of us wish our youth had lasted longer.

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Origami now, there's an intersting hobby. There are lots of people who love origami. Thousands of origami books, even origami societies and conventions. Do you live in a city big enough to have an origami class somewhere? You'll meet a bunch of people of both sexes who share one of your interests.

I said it kind of flippantly in my first post, but it's possible that you're just living in the wrong place. I don't know in what manner it's wrong, but from what you say it doesn't seem to host a population containing the people you need to meet. If you live in a big city maybe you need to try a smaller one where people are a little more friendly to each other. If you live in a small one maybe you need to go to a big one where you'll find a whole bunch of people very much like yourself. I know a woman in her 40s who goes to Star Trek conventions, so there are certainly girls your age doing it. You just have to be someplace where you'll run into them. Like a Star Trek convention!

I don't know if any of my comments are really hitting the mark, but I'm doing my best. I'm one of the oldest people here so I try to be the "elder" and help you young folks out. I certainly know how you feel because I vividly remember feeling that way--but it was at a much younger age, which is what prompted some of my remarks.

I agree with you that having a woman in your life is essential to having a life. Nonetheless there is more to life than that. You can't let the rest of your life be stagnant because this one important dimension of it isn't right. The other dimensions are important too and if they're not right it will be hard for a woman to see how nice you are. There is a synergy here. If you put more energy into the other aspects of your life, you greatly increase the prospects of meeting new women, women who share some of your interests, and you also greatly increase your attractiveness to them by being a more complete person.

I'm still concerned about that medication, by the way. You wouldn't be the first person for whom it does more harm than good. These things are wonderful inventions but they don't work the same way on all patients.