Getting Laid.

Guys like us who aren't suave and athletic and gorgeous--and hang out on SciForums--generally are blessed with a powerful compensating attribute: we're really bright.

Use your IQ. You know these girls don't literally spend all their time in their rooms. If they're students they attend class, if they're graduates they have jobs. Have you ever found yourself standing next to a woman at work or at school, waiting in line or using the photocopier? Have you ever struck up a conversation with her? That's a very un-threatening thing to do for even the shyest woman. You've got an excuse for being there, you're obviously not there for the sole purpose of hitting on her, she can relax and treat you like another human being instead of a predator. A colleague even, someone with whom she has something in common, a member of the same work or academic community.

Everybody goes shopping, everybody does laundry. Have you ever stood over the frozen foods section next to a woman who was trying to make the same decision you were, should I go with the cheap chicken burritos or splurge and get real pork? Another perfectly fine place to strike up a conversation because it's a reasonable thing to do and doesn't come across as flirtation. "Oh I tried the chicken a few times. I'd rather eat them less often and go for the good ones."

None of these things are going to have a high "hit" rate, and I use the word with caution because I don't really mean it to be a double-entendre. You'll talk to a lot of women before you have an encounter in which a sense of chemistry develops from a discussion of the difficulty of dialing a fax machine correctly or the relative merits of different types of meat. But that's fine, you can use the practice. Get used to talking to women in situations that are not focused on finding a date. You'll become more self-assured, less focused on trying to make everything about romance. Women like men who are real, three-dimensional people, not cartoon characters who walk around with erections bulging.

And yes, you other posters, I understand that there are women like that and some of you have had great success banging them. But that obviously hasn't been working here so it's about time to stop analyzing why it didn't work and just bring in some different strategies.

But what else do those women do besides work and shop and take care of life's chores? They all have outside interests. (Okay, there are women who really do lock themselves up every night with a book or a computer game, but they have officially taken themselves off the market so there's not much point in wasting time trying to hook up with them.)

What are your outside interests? Your best shot is always to look for a woman with whom you have something in common. Do you like a sport that appeals to more than a handful of women, something other than boxing, American football, NASCAR, or pro "wrestling"? Do you read, go to movies? Boat, bike, hike? Women go to sporting events, bookstores, movies, lakes, and bike trails. Those are great places to strike up conversations, and you're much more likely to make a durable connection there than in the produce section of the supermarket or the mail room at the office.

Where do you go, what do you do? Are there women there? Do you talk to them? You have something in common with them.

Do you like dogs? It's a cliche that you meet chicks by walking your dog, but there's a lot of truth to it. People who love animals gravitate toward each other, especially after they've made one single disastrous attempt to bond with a non-animal person. Being out with your pet, keeping him out of the traffic, cleaning up his poop, getting untangled from his leash, letting him sniff the other pets' butts... This really brings people down into reality, you can't put on airs when you're carrying a pooper scooper. People feel comfortable meeting each other under these circumstances because they get to see the real person, not the carefully crafted mask we put on when we go out to deliberately search for people.

Your question was, "How the hell do you find the women?" You're a smart guy. Do the research and figure out the answer to your own question. It will be worth the trouble.

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