this is all very interesting. on the whole money thing: sometimes said with due sarcasm, sometimes said all too serious...either case annoys me. sure there are women who look for men with money or men who shower them with gifts, but there are plenty who don't care either way. it would be nice to find a man who can take care of himself, because i intend to take care of myself....if marriage ensues, then you pool your resources and take care of each other i suppose. the occasional gift for no reason at all is sweet if it comes from the heart. a bunch of fancy jewelry or lavish dinners out is just throwing money at something as though money buys love...i do not need to repeat that old adage do i? on the whole looks thing: they're important but by no means first on the list. physical attraction is obviously at the heart of any relationship, but i have never fallen in love with anyone because i thought they were hot. intellectual capacity, sense of humor, and a soul rank much higher...they are all tied for first. i will not skimp on any of those. furthermore, some people can be incredibly beautiful on the outside and be so damn ugly on the inside. plus - just plain beautiful is quite boring imo. quirks. flaws. i find that more interesting. on the whole ego thing: ego is definitely important. don't be an asshole, but don't be a pussy either. and ego in bed...definitely a good quality imo. though i will say many men have that quality, and you're not all uber fantastic in the sack lmao. but thinking you are is certainly effective. a lot of this depends on the type of woman you want to attract. a lot of it depends on not compromising yourself just to be with anyone who will pay you mind. best advice so far imo was from truthseeker. i'm going through a break up currently, and i think i shall put that on a post it note lmao. chloroform does tend to work though...for the desperate as you state you are. a close second lol Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Thank you kindly, sire. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Without repeating the activities I enjoy (see a previous post), I repeat the general concept. Engage in activities you enjoy without worrying about meeting a female companion. If you find one, you will have an interest in common and a good chance for a worthwhile relationship. If you do not find a female companion, at least you are doing something you enjoy. It is a terrible waste of time to go any place or engage in any activity you do not enjoy just in hopes of finding an interesting female. If you actually find one, you are likely to have no interests in common and it is unlikely to be a good relationship. Do not pretend an interest in anything you do not really enjoy in order to get along with a female, unless you are willing to keep pretending for the rest of your life if the ploy works. BTW: Somebody came up with an interesting concept or game: Changing one letter in a common word to create a word with a meaningful definition. For example. Forploy: A lie or other type of misrepresentation used in order to obtain sexual favors.
If you're so desperate then it might be possible that you're not quite a whole person yet. There may be some growing up issues that might need to be addressed. A psychotherappist might be able to help bring visibility to those issues and also help resolve them. A whole male tends to attract a whole female. Less than wholeness tends to be a repellant.
Given our backgrounds, personalities, attitudes, and interests, I suspect that many of us on SciForums have been in this position. Intellectual, geeky, critical, outspoken, argumentative. Sure, that can be taken within the frame of "not being a whole person" and "needing to grow up more." But it also fits within the frame of just "being different." Life can be hard for us. A large part of achieving our "wholeness" and "maturity" lies in simply recognizing that and coming to terms with it. We either have to make peace with it, enjoy what life brings, and be patient while the other stuff takes its time in coming to us, or else decide that we're so unhappy with our lot that we're willing to reinvent ourselves. Most of us take the first route. Not always immediately. We can spend years deciding over and over again that we're going to become someone else, someone whom the chicks dig or who can be popular with a broader demographic group than that. We can try yoga, psychotherapy, and other paths to self "improvement," as well as alcohol and other drugs and the affectation of other popular habits that are unnatural to us. In the end we often find that we are who we are. At some very deep level we must honor that; we're not the kind of people who can sell ourselves out in order to "fit in." Finding a mate is never easy in a society which does not solve the problem for us by marrying us off when we're thirteen. (I've talked to people from those societies and believe it or not they don't all think it's so bad to have somebody older and wiser pick a person they think you'll be compatible with. Oh yeah, not to mention getting laid when you're thirteen.) Humans are social creatures by deep instinct. Those of us who are off the bottom end of the bell curve on social skills because we're too busy thinking will be instinctively less attractive to the average person of the other sex. It's unlikely that we'll end up with an average person permanently, and not terribly common even temporarily. So for two unusual people to find each other and get over the profound differences that two unusual people will surely have... that takes time. If your problem is that you're the median SciForums demographic--like to learn, like to think, don't like the trivial including bowling and TV--you can't expect to get a lot of attention from girls who are looking for someone else. You need to start looking for unusual women. You know better than I do who comprises that demographic in your community and where they are likely to be found. What you have to do is live a life that increases the odds of meeting them in circumstances conducive to socializing. And if you don't feel like doing that, then you need to reexamine your premise that you're desperate for female attention because you're either not being honest with yourself or you have a poor grasp of reality. That old prayer comes to mind. The goddess grants most of us the strength to change the things we can. We live in a place and an era in which individuals have a lot of power over their lives, and we're pretty well trained to "find ourselves." The goddess is a little slower to grant us the serenity to accept the things we can't change. Peace does not come easily. But it's that third thing that is the problem: The wisdom to know the difference. Our elders set terrible examples for us. They believe a nation that is only a couple hundred years old can settle disputes that have been raging in the Middle East for 1,300 years. They believe we can seal off a border that marks the greatest disparity in standard of living between any two adjacent nations on earth. Just a little out of touch with reality there. Wisdom is in short supply, shorter than I've ever seen in my entire life. You'll have to find your wisdom from some other source than by looking around you for inspiration! Change yourself in superficial ways, the kinds of habits that you're still developing in your youth like mannerisms and speech patterns. Change your environment by going to different places and considering women who might not be registering on your radar. But as for changing yourself in profound ways, that might be one of those things that you can't do. By all means check out therapy, TM, yoga, and all that other stuff if it appeals to you or if you have a hunch that you'll get something out of it. It won't be a waste of time and it will almost certainly teach you a lot. But don't expect it to solve your problems.
Spoot, in the best possible way, get a life. Seriously. Finish school, get a trade, job or profession. If you don't know what to do, join the Army; the Army (or Marine Corps or Navy or Air Force) is an excellent way to get some 'real-world' experience and get away from home without being totally on your own and homeless. Get comfortable with yourself. Learn your strengths and weaknesses; perfect your strengths and improve your weaknesses. No woman will be attracted to you if you don't have self-respect. And I don't mean the punk-corner gangster-tough guy-dipstick sort of self-promotion, I mean a genuine regard for your own worth and ability, based on honest evalutation. If you find a girl who wants to 'take care of you' and be your mommy, leave town and change your name. You will be her prisoner for the rest of your lives and it is not fun. You cannot be on good terms with anyone else if you are not on good terms with yourself. You cannot be on good terms with yourself if you're not on good terms with God. I'll tell you something else that is frustrating; once you meet one woman and start dating, other women will emerge from the woodwork. You're probably better off to stick with the first one; she recognized your value before the rest of the pack.. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.
Whoa! The BS meter just went right off the scale! In order to accept your god, you must admit yourself a sinner, you must be antithetic with yourself to be on good terms with your god. One must be atheist to be on good terms with themselves.
Your advice is right on target. I disagree with the 'God' assertion; however ('God' isn't an entity that appears to exist). A more practical way to issue the problem assertion is that you cannot be on get terms with yourself if you don't have a relationship with yourself.
Whoa! My Astronomic BS Meter has gone wiild! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
what a shame, if your intentions are true.....they will be there. It isn't about the amount of satisfaction that makes a difference in your life...it is the quality of the one you find...that person exists....you are looking and so is that person...be patient...and you will find each other... de de
I think he's pretty much gone. But yes, especially after Archie's post, I am inclined to agree. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
The answer is to stop looking outward and begin looking at yourself....be happy with you for awhile....Don't look for some love when you cant love you....Be happy within your own skin an others will be happy with you too...Your love awaits...just waiting for you.....find you and someone else will too..... de
1. stop caring what girls think and be yourself. be happy and comfortable with yourself. if you aren't right now, take the time and effort to be. 2. find the right girl. dont waste your time with hot girls who know they are hot and could give a shit less about anyone but themselves or dudes with a six pack and a corvette. take the time to look for the things that you like and respect in a woman as far as looks, personality, intelligence and everything else goes. if you are a smart and kind person, dont try to get with a stupid mean girl. 3. look at what works for other people who you know are successful with women. what are those guys doing that you aren't? if you can incorporate that into your way of dealing with the opposite sex without altering your personality, give it a try. 4. always walk away with your pride intact. dont beg, dont offer yourself up right away. treat every encounter with a woman as if she is just someone you're going to be friends with an never anything more. be genuinely interested in her, but non-commital, and always retain your dignity. 5. if all of that fails, try getting a shitload of cash and some illegal drugs. walk down to the local bar, throw your money around, treat everyone like a total asshole, and magically - women will flock to you. this should be used as a last resort though.
There's is a Zen saying about that! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Mission accomplished! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! No, that's not the saying. I don't remember the saying right now... Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
That's the first resort of many people! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! People like resorts! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
