A silly idea that just occured to me is that people who keep a messy room or house and only clean it when authority figures are going to be there do so because they need human contact at a certain level. It isn't the punishment, the yelling, the conflict. It is the contact. Many people are only open on that vital level when they are angry. Some only feel alive when they are in conflict, but it isn't the conflict. It is the contact that they are denied, that recognition that they are someone. You can't just be told that you are someone. You have to feel it. Actually, this is an old idea and very true. It just seemed like the right time to mention it today. Giving people gifts, like giving your mother gifts for Mother's day, is a way to facilitate contact and prepare them mentally for it.
I'd say this is the human nature thread. Rockin. Jshzat (sp---), thanks for that it made my day. MetaKron, I admit to liking your idea above. I'll actually have to read it in a while. Right now, I'm playing Tekken 3 with my sister.
I have never failed, nor gave up. Though things seem too take a long time, and time can stand still, the thoughts still echo like a Childs laughter on a play ground after they have thrown rocks at the younger child. Some things in life will never change. Perspectives, Idea's, goals.... They will always be the same though the way they are perceived will alter. Altering is not change. For all I have wanted to know, and find out, I have realized the biggest gift in the world was my Heart. The Fact that I have one. When your afraid, and you run, things will catch up to you. If you attempt to alter those things when you are in a bad mental state, you will find things will be worse. It is just the way it is. You Fear that you will pull every one you meet into your hell with you. Should you love them with all you are, your heart will break like shattering glass when you realize you have brought them to your limbo. Love is the most Evil creature. A mock of god. Is this some kind of lesson one needs to learn? and if so, Why? Crying into my pillow, afraid, alone, scared.... The tears do nothing but taste of salt. The kind you taste in the heat of passion. Only to remind yourself of how unworthy you are and will always be. You push them all aside... You half wish for your Death or their hatred to Fall into your empty Place. It doesn't work. But why would life, or god give then take? There is no Nirvana. There is no Hell but the one that lays (lies) here. Awaking in a world of hatred shows that there isn't any thing. The pills will never take it away. They will hide your darker side in order to not hurt any other soul. is this life? Is this what it is all about? Paranoia? Love? Hate? Fear? Sadness? People say those who take their own life are selfish. I think the selfish ones are those who wish you to stay and not recognize your agony. Mind or no, there is no greater plan. Should God hear me today, then hear this, I need a miracle. Or at least an explanation as to why I am being so Damned punished. Some say I do it to my self.... Impossible... in every road I have tried to take, and the years I have stayed, and nothing changes. It wont. So yea.. I don't want to be here, or any where. There is nothing left once you have Fucked it all up.... Where to turn? Tarah
I'll crank one out here and see how it flys: psychosis: the condition in which one's apparent mental needs over-ride their stimulous, resulting in selective or fantastic mental feedback. their conceptual inter-relationships are as such, ungrounded by realism. meh. need to think some more on it.
I will. Thanks. Oh and FYI: This existence can be heaven or hell. Usually it's choice that makes the difference. My own experience with existence is closer to heaven than hell (if we should use those terms anyway). I think it's often that people don't understand that they have a choice in their own perspective, and that the choices already made have deep impact on their psyche. I don't know the specifics of your case, so I apoligize if I sound sanctimonious. You've probably heard all that before. *sigh* I really should be a psycho-therapist or counselor or something, I'm fucking good at it - though I often say things people don't necessarily want to hear. I can't do it though, because I don't trust myself with patients. I'd try to fuck any chicks to which I was attracted. Bah. Since I don't have to deal with your physical presence, the temptation will be nullified and I offer my mind to you in helping you find what you need to. Or I can just fuck off if you'd rather.
Psychosis is a label placed upon those whose sense of reality or whose behavior stands in antithesis to common, popular acceptable kinds. It is how the out-of-the-ordinary and the disharmonious is defined as something which requires correcting. A psychologist is someone who attempts to re-harmonize what has lost its contact to a communal rhythm and to correct and reintegrate what has lost the desire or the ability to do so on its own.
wesmoris try this one: [me and php r pals. this is a post from one of my need help threads. lol sorry to steal em php] You want to hear what is really wrong with me? You ask me for “ideas”, invert nexus. Well... Here, I am going to attempt to talk some about these ideas for, [as you said:] Why are you so different? Do you have any ideas? Nexus I really do like you as much as you may not like me. And I do mean that. So now I am going to give this post. If anyone will even read it. I am typing this now out of desperation, from fear of my every activity and it’s being wrong, or, I am really doing harm or something wrong. Desperation from finally being able to explain, my problem, as I have never it seems really explained it to begin with even. That seems like a tough one there. Yes, I have ideas for why I am different. You tell me also to ask the right questions. I guess what im trying to do right here is to simply clarify the questions. Whatever---I need to know what I’m typing from fear of my dad hearing me type instead of watch the movie [that I am watching because I have no better activity to do, I want to turn it off, it would likely, be more healthy for me. ---I tried to read a book called “Elephant Walk” or the or elephants, today, but I was reading it good, and still feeling as I have failed with it... these are examples so to say] Anyway. The core of the problem. By this it leads me to say that “of course then what naturally follows (I am not here typing in the vain as I am as a person, I feel here) is that every other person also must say the problem he/she has. There, that it must be communicatable. It must be ...at least to a degree known. At least I must be able to present my problem before you” ---anyway, where does saying that lead me to? Well, as I was trying to say... I must give some ideas that can be mulled over by the people i am telling my problems to. If I do not present them with something other than ___________(fill in the blank!), then, they will instead mull over that, and I will be mulling over it to; it seems like a cycle that is just a cycle. A cycle that... what---I don’t really like! hmmm Well anyway, I believe that I mull from the above example over my character. A lot. One guy from another forum says that I am extremely picky or something. He says “i feel you will be good at looping---but only once you have straightend your thoughts out”---this statement is a biger or higher truth than most presented before me most of the time. Most of the time the info is... hard to say this... fudjed? To use chinese language? I don’t take it, or something. Reading a book, for example, ... to relate that ... Oh I’ve forgot. I do hope by reading this you don’t immediately jump saying I have schizophrenia or something. Anyway I was trying to tell you my problem so that at least, as the guy further says, “ it appears that you are doing it as some sort of a game or some tactic”, or at least it was something like that. “A plan”, that’s the closest I can think right now. So what then? What’s next? Why am I so different?? Unfortunately, I feel that in this writing I haven’t presented myself as I am again. I have again worded things so as to word them. Who knows. I can’t even speak about something like that without wanting to fall over. Like, my problem exists somewhere in there. I do not want my problem to be something that I am doing wrong now that I can do better. I want to have confidence in myself as a person knowing that it is only due to my sensitivities, to give an example from QQ. My dad... thinks highly of me... little is he finding out, ... all i’m saying here maybe is that he is in my mind thinking the same thing you guys are. It is embarassing for me to present my problem to you like this. But I must say, that if this is what it is, I surely want to know. I do seem to have a plan in mind as the person was saying eariler. When I am eating at the kitchen table, here is a diagram of the house outside (back yard) | garage --kitchen(with window showing back yard) (also facing this direction) -- dining room (with computer and table and bar) | living room (so as you can picture this part of the house, so far, isn’t so big) | front door -- (to the right starting from outside): hallway: first is the bathroom. Anyway, the house isn’t too big right now it’s 11:41 PM i’m typing this because I feel I need or rather , should type it. I’m right next to the kitchen, and right next to that is the garage. Up from that is outside! I go there often to “hide”, as my dad tells me. I don’t really seem to have much of a life. At all really. My dad has recently told me that i’m going to start going out, and, meeting people which me made me agree to. ...Anyway, as I was trying to say. It feels almost entirely clear to me now that i’ve expressed plenty. Said enough. “Why am I so different?” Keeps ringing in my mind: Like, hey, that’s invert nexus trying to, or, talking to me. He is talking to me, and I want to talk to him. He is an awesome dude, IMO awesomer than skinwalker and 50 times better than me. That’s just role model talk but that’s talk about ..about how I feel. So. .....Why are you so different? Well! Now there’s something! What should I say? Just now, right now a while or a second ago, I was seriously and deeply considering something that seems very important right here at this point in the writing. If I keep forgetting what use is it? Oh i think I remember... it’s that I must tell you how I must. I must tell you how it is. I must communicate how it is. I must communicate it correctly. Now. Me and QQ have argued over this point for quite a while I think we’re actually comming around to agreeing that I must communicate or rather it simply must be communicated, that is, the problem must be communicated. And so here I am, freezing up. Thinking how awesome QQ is. I’m not freezing up. I’m probably getting aggervated at how I am. Water, I remember, recommending the talks by tara brach, the buddhist lady of acceptance (I swear to god she is a lesbian, or at least very very feministic: who can’t despise such bullshit more?---anyway...). Just now as watching the movie star wars, I tell you now, I was deeply considering within all my faulty thinking and mind how water was right or wrong, how I am right or wrong, how I am in relation to water and her refering me to the talk by tara. This sentence expresses much character, that is a consideration only. And I was deeply considering acceptance perhaps acceptance on what I can accept, If I must accept a suffering unlike how anyone else suffers, if that’s really me, really, all that’s wrong with me. I don’t even know if I’m being heard. I don’t even know if you guys are hearing me or if I am just typing and typing senceless garbage-- Anyway, I was considering as an example “acceptance”. Perhaps that dude was right as far as goes it is a plan for me, accept everything that comes along, stop the plan (which in effect is a plan)----(...which leads me to believe that everyone’s thinking is aplan, which is so much and only the worse for me........) So...what was I saying again? “When one is eating, one should be eating” (reminds me of buddhism) “When one is talking, one should talk” “when listening, you should listen”... or whatever it was that nexus was saying? So, anyway, I forgot why exactly it was that I have typed that but I must say that such things are a difference for me. Why am I so different? Why don’t people understand me? Well.... I really don’t know. No. I shouldn’t say that. I can’t say that. But it appears to follow my writing. Anyway... All this deep stuff. There really has to be a better way to say it than this! I tell ya what if I could only ever be heard for once. The real brent, the hypocritical (i’m not hypocritical, i’m like.... who knows!), yeah yeah... cry cry... brent that someone could hear. The fuck that crys for stupid reasons, and, when he comes to realize that he does this, it is only the worse. It’s not like it’s only any consolation. When I realize that I actually am the fuck. Not that I am, I mean, such realizations are always comming and never adding up. So why am I so different? No one hears such screams................................ [it isn’t like I want you to try to find my ideas or the ideas (as in the first sentence(s). I attempted to express what they were, maybe failing, maybe not. I can try and give more of them. Really.] ps. I will likely continue to post in the same fashion. As before. It isn’t like this makes a difference?
*sigh* Okay first of all it seems to me you're obsessing about communicating your problem but you don't know exactly what that problem is besides to say "you're different". It f urther seems that this obsessive attack of your own psyche is driving you in circles, and becoming a self-sustaining cycle of discomfort with yourself, which further dissallows you communicative ability and just keeps you basically confused about your "difference", somewhat disoriented and basically estranged from even yourself. I quote "difference" because everyone is different. You are different from everyone. So am I. It's nothing to be worried about. You need to find a way to give yourself a break an perhaps get back to basics. Are you absolutely sure that "beign different" is your problem? Seems to me that it might be a way of avoiding a real issue like a lack of ability to communicate, or a lack of a capacity for mental control. I don't know what will work for you exactly, but "fuck it" works for me to some degree if I find my self obsessing. I don't me as in total apathy, but rather a release from a percieved obligation to attack an ill-defined problem. Define a real issue, and then you might find yourself a course of action. Let's hear Brent, rather than Brent obsessing about what's wrong with Brent. Are you sure there's something wrong...? Are you sure you're not just creating it by obsessing about something being wrong? Are you sure that whatever it is isnt' RIGHT? You are you. Accept you for what you are now. It just is, accept it. If you don't like what you're forced to accept, change it. Regardless, circular complaints about how different you are will get you no where. You need a base from which to work towards the Brent you want to be. "Difference" must be specifically defined if you're sure it's such an issue. From what you've said, I'm not convinced. Get out of your circular obsession. Find a trick to help you. Let it go. Be Brent goddamnit. Brent obsessing about brent is not brent. Lol. Reminds me of a newhart sketch I saw. Gauranteed pyschological treatment in five minutes at a dollar a minute. Lady: "I smoke too much, over eat, blah blah blah blah blah" Newhart: "yeah? okay, is that it?" Lady: "blah blah blah" Newhart: "okay, that's everything?" Lady: "uhm... yeah" Newhart: "okay... STOP IT!!!!!! JUST STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!" lol. sorry if I'm no help. you can pm me if you prefer.
The Newhart thing is an example of what really doesn't help. Although when you say "really" in this context, it doesn't mean "really." Some people can tolerate the aching void left behind by the loss of their vices. I don't know any of them.
Though I mostly said it because I find humor in it, the point is that control is a matter of will. You either want to control whatever, or you don't. If you do, you'll find it in you stop. If you don't, you won't and shouldn't bitch about it. Choice. It's yours for the taking. It's all attitude. If you make a choice and mean it, there is no void. It is filled/mended by your choice.
It's the usual thing, I guess Brent, I still think that the main reason for all this confusion is that you haven't got the language to describe your expereince properly with. It's sort of like trying to speak Chinese to a person who speaks only Irish. I get the feeling that you have experienced many extraordinary sensory experiences but because they are relegated to the category of "hallucination" or pure imagination you are unable to describe them because it takes language to do so. So what do you call the experience of seeing eyes staring at you from the back of someones head? How do you describe the sensation of being possessed or penetrated? How do you describe the inability to accept? "accepting that you can't accept??" I feel that a new dictionary or at least a vocabulary has to be developed to facitate discussion and understanding. However if the experiences are being denied their reality then defining them is not going to happen.
Very thoughtful. If you choose not to decide, you still have made your choice. You choose to believe you have no choice? Do you think that if you say "I have no choice.", that's a true statement? If so, then who can make your choice for you? If for instance you're a cocaine user... Do you HAVE to snort or bang some more coke? If so, why? Would you assert that the user has no choice in picking up the needle or snorting up the line? Snorting or banging it is an act of will. You have to consciously move your body to undertake it. Does the user have no control over their movement? I assert that a user ignores or denies their capacity for choice. Unless of course they choose to be a user and aren't whining about how they can't control themselves.
The first thing they need to do, Wes, is to get people like you out of their face. Your philosophy is entirely bankrupt and useless. They might get off the drugs but they can't get away from people like you because people like you will never stop messing with a person's life. Look how you limit a person's choices. It's either your way or the highway, or maybe jail. You don't even have a concept of a process that might exist between a person doing what he or she chose to do and what you would impose on them as a condition of living a decent life. Just this fact is enough for people who have any sense to reject you, and if you follow them, to knock you senseless. When you impose yourself on people the way your message demonstrates that you would, it's just like the drug in that it's still not their choice. Forcing them to do your bidding is not forcing them to make a choice. You would penalize them heavily for choosing to continue to use the drugs, most likely in a zero tolerance manner so that they can't taper off the habit, ease off it to prevent withdrawal, and they can't follow a process that will get them from where they are to where they want to be. You will doom them to cycling in and out. They can stop, they can stop, but they can't steer with you pushing them around. You deny them the recovery process by denying them the middle ground. It's still bullying and I'm not accepting excuses for it.
Once more we return to our regularly scheduled program. Metakron attributing dictatorial powers to all those he dislikes. Wes is not able to penalize anybody, Metakron. He's just some dude. It's not about him. If a person chooses to quit drugs, then THEY choose to quit drugs. That's it. Wes has nothing to do with that other than possibly being some form of moral support. He's not Hitler no matter how much you'd like him to be. By the way. I quit smoking cold turkey 2 years ago. I wouldn't say it was the best thing I ever did. Nor the most difficult. But it was a choice I made. And quite a difficult period. I chose. However. That's the thing.
And does this give you the right to put other people down for not choosing, Invert? Some of us who have problems would like treatments to be delivered in an intelligent, sensitive, responsible manner instead of being brutally slapped around and fucked around. I know that's too much to ask. I'm asking anyway. There is something really wrong with a world in which emotional and intellectual retards are allowed to make bad decisions that really screw up the lives of more intelligent and better people, and to add insult to injury, those same retards get to insult those who they victimize.
