Nexus, quit imatiting me Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! I think Maybe meta may have meant something there... I mean, he may be a wuss, same contridiction isn't going to stop. I like the second part of the post though. Interests the person. He's always it seems going to be like this. Hard to slow him down either. He gets a kick out of it.
The jury is still out on you, Jshatz. I think that the intrusion starts with the diagnosis. Mental condition, my ass. It is so non-specific that everyone has it. How in the hell do you cure someone of a non-specific condition? The term actually doesn't tell you anything. It's like saying that someone has a body temperture. No kidding? So there's the horseshit. I've been accused of being "psychotic" for being able to tell the difference between the horse and the horseshit. I am telling you, none of the people who put it on me would have taken it. They would have done acts of extreme violence long before they reached the "mental condition" that I did.
Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are we. 3. Amnesia --- I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me 5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and... 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire 8. Full Personality Disorder-- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why 9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells. 10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House 11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe 12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - I Burned Down the House 13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate
Eh ... I still give a fuck about you Meta, Even if you dont want to heal your self.. thats up too you. But, I aint going to pick on you abaout your personal exsperience
Meta, My Darling prince of sadness and regrets. I still believe in you. I don't, and wont under mind your past. Unless I was messing with you. But even then, I would tell you I was picking. I have many problems my dear. And Much hatred that I am not sure where it comes from Someday, I fantasies about bashing my face through an old lead mirror. But then I think about how much I hate healing process, so I wont do it. I would shoot my self, But I have met servitors who have done that, and they are in a worse place then they were BEFORE the shot. People are capable of manythings. including helping. Some DO have alternative motives. some times its because they are searching for answers in them selves, but they are too afraid to try. Tears, that swell in your throat, they feel like they will burn your face it the are release. the way your mouth begins to taste like salt. You try to stop it because you can't find a viable reason that YOU should be feeling like this! The person or situation Should be feeling like this, not you. The anger it grows. and blooms into a hatred, a mistrust of any one who doesn't have the emotional garden in bloom. There MUST be a way to re gut this garden. Destroy it, with out destroying your self. Learning something new. Something away from the torture you are faced with. A hand to hold. A trust in your self. To know that there are women (or men) who LOVE YOU for you. You have to give them just as much a chance my dear. And it isn't easy. And like trying to grow a rose from 50 seeds, only ten may survive. Don't rely on one seed. Plant them all. this is YOUR life. No one else's. And Meta, we would keep talking to you if we didn't care. None of us want anything from you physically. We want to show you there are just more things. If we did not care, you would have been told to fuck your self forever and go away. You WILL be alright. You have made more progression than maybe you realize. I SEE this in you.
here is some more hell we face, a lot of disstrust aslo coms from this. 1. Acute Dystonic Reactions: These reactions are of abrupt onset, sometimes bizarre, frightening muscular spasms mainly affecting the musculature of the head and neck. Sometimes the eyes go into spasm and roll back into the head. Such reactions usually take place within the first 24 to 48 hours after therapy has begun or, in a small number of cases, when dosage is increased. Males are more vulnerable to the reactions than females, and the young more so than the elderly. High doses are more likely to produce such effects. Although these reactions respond dramatically to the intramuscular injection of antihistamines or anti-parkinson agents, they are frightening and are best avoided by starting with lower antipsychotic drug dosages. Anti-parkinsonian drugs (e.g., benztropine, procyclidine) should be prescribed whenever antipsychotic drugs are started. Usually these anti-parkinsonian drugs can be safely stopped in 1-3 months. 2. Akathisia: Akathisia is experienced as an inability to sit or stand still, with a subjective feeling of anxiety. Beta-adrenergic antagonists (e.g., atenolol, propranolol) are the most effective treatment for akathisia. These beta-blockers usually can be safely stopped in 1-3 months. Akathisia may also respond benzodiazepines (e.g., clonazepam, lorazepam), or to anti-parkinson drugs (e.g., benztropine, procyclidine). 3. Parkinsonism: Akinesia, a key feature of parkinsonism, may be overlooked, but if the patient is asked to walk briskly for some 20 paces, diminution of the swing of the arms can be noted, as can loss of facial expression. These parkinsonian side-effects of antipsychotic drugs usually respond to the addition of an anti-parkinson drug (e.g., benztropine, procyclidine). 4. Tardive Dyskinesia: Between 10 to 20 percent of patients receiving antipsychotic agents develop some degree of tardive dyskinesia. It is now known that many cases of tardive dyskinesia are reversible and that many cases do not progress. Early signs of tardive dyskinesia are mostly seen in the area of the face. Movements of the tongue inside the buccal cavity that consist of retraction of the tongue on its longitudinal axis or irregular rotation around the longitudinal axis, with frequent movements in lateral directions, are thought to be the earliest signs. Choreoathetoid movement of the fingers and toes may also be observed, as may respiratory dyskinesia associated with irregular breathing and, perhaps, grunting. Tardive dyskinesia is thought to result from dopamine receptor supersensitivity following chronic receptor blockade by the antipsychotic agent. Anticholinergic drugs do not improve tardive dyskinesia and may make it worse. The recommended treatment of tardive dyskinesia is to lower the dosage of antipsychotic drugs and hope for gradual remission of the choreoathetoid movements. Increasing the dosage of an antipsychotic briefly masks the symptoms of tardive dyskinesia, but symptoms will reappear later as a reflection of the progression of receptor supersensitivity. 5. Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome: Antipsychotic agents potentiate anticholinergic drugs, and toxic psychosis may occur. This confusional state usually appears early in treatment and, more commonly, at night and in elderly patients. Withdrawal of the offending agents is the treatment of choice. Antipsychotic drugs often interfer with body temperature regulation. Therefore, in hot climates this situation may result in hyperthermia and in cold climates hypothermia. The neuroleptic malignant syndrome is an exceedingly rare but potentially fatal condition characterized by parkinsonian-type rigidity, increased temperature, and altered consciousness. The syndrome is ill-defined and overlaps with hyperpyrexia, parkinsonism, and neuroleptic-induced catatonia. Coma may develop and result in rare terminal deaths. This syndrome is reported most often in young males, may appear suddenly, and usually lasts 5 to 10 days after cessation of neuroleptics. There is no treatment; therefore, early recognition and discontinuation of antipsychotic drugs, followed by supportive therapy, are indicated. 6. Hypersomnia And Lethary: Many patients on antipsychotic drugs sleep 12-14 hours per day and develop marked lethary. Often these side-effects disappear when treated with the newer serotonergic antidepressants (e.g., fluoxetine, trazodone). These antidepressants usually are given for 6 or more months. 7. Other Side-Effects: Depressed S-T segments, flattened T-waves, U-waves, and prolonged Q-T intervals may be caused by antipsychotic drugs. This situation is cause for concern, is more liable to occur with low potency agents, particularly thioridazine, and could increase vulnerability to arrhythmia. It is not possible to say to what extent antipsychotic drugs are involved in sudden death. Serious reactions to antipsychotic drugs are rare. Photosensitivity reactions are most common with chlorpromazine; vulnerable patients should wear protective screens on their exposed skin. Pigmentary retinopathy is associated with thioridazine and may impair vision if not detected. This complication occurred at dosages below the considered safe limit of 800 mg. Dosages of above 800 mg are, therefore, not recommended. Antipsychotic agents may affect libido and may produce difficulty in achieving and maintaining erection. Inability to reach orgasm or ejaculation and retrograde ejaculation have been reported. Antipsychotics also may cause amenorrhea, lactation, hirsutism, and gynecomastia. Weight gain may be more liable to occur with any antipsychotic drug which causes hypersomnia and lethargy. Studies suggest that many antipsychotic drugs taken during pregnancy do not result in fetal abnormalities. Because these agents reach the fetal circulation, they may affect the newborn, thus producing postnatal depression and also dystonic symptoms. "Drug Holidays" From Antipsychotic Drugs It was once thought that patients should take a "drug holiday" by periodically stopping their antipsychotic drugs for a few weeks every year. This practice is no longer recommended. Research has shown that these "drug holidays" increase the risk of relapse of schizoaffective disorder, as well as increase the risk of tardive dyskinesia. Antidepressant Drugs The older (tricyclic) antidepressants often worsen schizoaffective disorder. However, the newer (serotonergic) antidepressants (e.g., fluoxetine, trazodone) have dramatically benefited many apathetic or depressed schizoaffective patients. Antianxiety Drugs Benzodiazepines (e.g., lorazepam, clonazepam) often can dramatically reduce the agitation and anxiety of schizoaffective patients. This is often especially true for those suffering from catatonic excitement or stupor. Clonazepam also is an effective treatment for akathisia. When Not To Use Antipsychotic Drugs Development of a Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome is an absolute contraindiction to the use of antipsychotic drugs. Likewise, development of severe tardive dyskinesia is a contraindication to the use of all antipsychotic drugs, except clozapine (Clozaril) and reserpine. Lithium If the patient does not respond to antipsychotic treatment alone, lithium may be added for 2 to 3 months on a trial basis. Combined lithium-antipsychotic drug therapy is helpful in a significant percentage of patients. Anticonvulsants The addition of carbamazepine, clonazepam, or valproate to antipsychotic drug refractory schizoaffective patients has been reported to sometimes be effective. This benefit is more often seen in patients suffering from bipolar disorder. Acute psychotic agitation or catatonia often responds to clonazepam. Other Drugs The use of megavitamins and special diets have apparently little or no effect for schizoaffective patients. Electroconvulsive Therapy Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) has been used effectively in small percentage of schizoaffective patients, particularly those of the catatonic subtype. Patients with an illness duration of less than 1 year are most responsive. This therapy offers little hope for lasting improvement in chronic schizoaffective patients. to top -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Psychosocial Treatment Basic Principles Untreated schizoaffective disorder will often leave a patient friendless, penniless, and homeless. Thus circumstances often force schizophenic patients to rely heavily on their family or psychiatric group homes. There is frequently an inverse relationship between the stability of their living situation and the amount of antipsychotic drugs they require. Supportive Psychotherapy Traditional insight-oriented psychotherapy is not recommended in treating schizoaffective patients, whose egos are too fragile. Supportive therapy, which may include advice, reassurance, education, modeling, limit setting, and reality testing, is generally the therapy of choice. Psychotherapy can have toxic effects, especially when there is a negative transference. One of the toxic effects of psychotherapy is dependency. A pushing, intrusive approach may make withdrawn patients worse. Group Therapy Group therapy, combined with drugs, produces somewhat better results than drug treatment alone, particularly with schizoaffective outpatients. Positive results are more likely to be obtained when group therapy focuses on real-life plans, problems, and relationships; on social and work roles and interaction; on cooperation with drug therapy and discussion of its side effects; or on some practical recreational or work activity. This supportive group therapy can be especially helpful in decreasing social isolation and increasing reality testing. Family Therapy Family therapy can significantly decrease relapse rates for the schizoaffective family member. In high-stress families, schizophenic patients given standard aftercare relapse 50-60% of the time in the first year out of hospital. Supportive family therapy can reduce this relapse rate to below 10 percent. This therapy encourages the family to convene a family meeting whenever an issue arises, in order to discuss and specify the exact nature of the problem, to list and consider alternative solutions, and to select and implement the consensual best solution. Self-Help groups in which family members of schizoaffective patients discuss and share issues, have been particularly helpful in this regard. Behavior Therapy Behavior therapy in hospital often involves rewarding desired behaviors with specific privileges, such as ground privileges or weekend passes. When the schizoaffective patient is no longer floridly psychotic or distractible, behavior therapy usually can successfully teach much needed social and occupational skills. to top -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Internet Mental Health (www.mentalhealth.com) copyright © 1995-2005 by Phillip W. Long, M.D. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some poeple mentally destroyed me on purpose. Then they acted as if I were the sick one. Now I am watching their group take this world to pieces a little at a time. You know what? I could give a fuck if I got "better." What is there to get better for? To please the same people who murdered me? They won't let anyone believe that I have gotten better until I meet certain specifications that have absolutely nothing to do with me having a life of my own. This means never, actually, because this is a game where they have yanked it out of my reach every time I have gone for it.
Is ANY of this a way to live?> (above)... Is this all there is. Is this the point of life? Or wishful thinking.
Meta, Maybe you will never get better. Maybe this anguish is some sick hope. But apearently your still here, Ever wonderd why? Ever wonderd what it was you were looking for? Did it ever accure to you that NO one has any answeres for you, just sugestions?
A personal healing might take place in a devastated world. I'll be OK and the world will still be fucked.
For YOU, Metakron. For you and ONLY for you. You think they'd be 'pleased' by your 'getting better'? Ha! They're pleased by how you are now. You're living under their yoke right now and will continue to do so as long as you make them the center of your existence. But, it's your choice. Even though you continue to tell yourself that you're not responsible for your own life.... Yeah. Right. Some scumbag rednecks from your little town.... are taking the world to pieces... They're just little pieces of shit. You elevate them on high and make them as though they are gods of this world. But, I suppose that's how it must be, right? Because only gods have the right to take your responsibility away from you. Perhaps you're not completely lost even though you're pretty god damned twisted. Some little piece inside of you is trying to fight back. Only problem is it's doing so by creating a fantasy land rather than actually coming to terms with reality. But. Again. Your choice. So don't reach for their brass ring. Reach for your own.
Meta, No one is ever going to care for you. They don't give a flying fuck what you do as long as it doesn't hurt them. I know your desperate... I am too. but there's nothing any one can do for you, or for me. It's called suffering or taking the advice given and trying it. Unless you enjoy hurting every one with your tale. And you suck the pity from it like a Vampire would drain a victim. And what does that make you? Have you ever asked your self that Meta? Why are You SO Godamned special that you wallow in your hatefulness of your mother? have you detached the umbilical from her yet to live with your own life? Do you enjoy being sick, and bringing other people down? That's ok if you do, but you can't sit here and play games. you need to open up and say "hey yea, I like hurting other people, OR you can say I want help, but I'm confused about how to get it................... Or you can just shoot your self and be done with it.
Invert, you should know more than most people about who is pleased when people live under their yolk. Platonica, is someone holding a gun to your head to make you read this? What the fuck advice have I been given? To be happy with myself and let the rest of the world just go to hell? To try to be a good and happy person when I know that when I set something up that is even slightly outside of the lines, the aborigines are going to come and take it to pieces and pretend that I did something wrong? Or that even when I am pleasing them by having sex only in the missionary position with a woman, and making children for them, and not protesting anything, that they will still peck at me and find ways to make me miserable? When I know that they have defined every expression of dissent as a sign of mental illness? Whatever "comfort" you people have, it still comes at the cost of my mind and soul. It's pretty futile to accept that comfort when if I do, there is no one here to appreciate it, because I won't be anyone. I will de facto cease to exist as a person. Just annihilate myself and everything will be OK, that's the message. You know those people I complain about, whose probable sexual proclivities I use as metaphors for their characters? At least they have some kind of characters. They say "fuck it" and sometimes they actually do. The place you people are pushing me toward might be called "Nirvana." "Nirvana" means "nothingness." Any small child knows that it is a delusion to think that it is right to seek nothingness. If it goes nowhere it isn't going somewhere. From different little clues I see that the worst source of the malaise in this world is the bunch of people who could make a difference who won't, who resort to nihilism, self-destruction, destruction of nature, destruction of human nature, who seem to aspire to some kind of higher ideal or plane of existence, who use those aspirations to excuse cruelties against the people who want to find out what it is like to live in real life, in the real world. You all want it both ways, like death doesn't matter because our souls are immortal and are reincarnated, but when you want something else suddenly the slightest chance of death does matter and everyone better give you what you want or we all will die. It could be better but for the most part it's a system for fucking people out of the lives that they are trying to leave, cutthroat competition for the right to live on a burned-out planet with no other life on it. If I am to improve in my emotional life the people who wish me well here are the ones I need most to avoid. Learn, people, about the poison that you inject with your "positive vibes." If you are going to get anywhere you are going to have to learn how not to spread it. This poison is the effort to pre-emptively control my behavior, not only so that I will not carry out the killings that some of you fantasize that I will, which might be excusable, but so that if you can you will prevent me from even starting to redress the offenses that have been made against me and this world, FOR FEAR that I might go off my nut and kill someone while I am trying to straighten this fucking mess out. If, hypothetically, I had you people as my posse, do you realize what I would have to put up with? The questions about my qualifications would be the least of my worries. I would constantly hear the whine of "something bad might happen." I would constantly be yelled at about going against the mainstream, and I would be told that the mainstream was right about all these subjects even though the mainstream can't put two and two together and get the same answer twice in a row. I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to explain that "April" is not a number. I do not have time to get into such a trap again. None of this kind of shit ever served a purpose before. All it did was make it take twenty, now going on thirty years longer for me to do anything with my life. That is absolutely all it did, besides teach me that I was raised by white trash who might never be anything but white trash. God damn!
