How do you know when it is time to do housework? Look inside your pants. If you see a penis in there it is not QI Series 4 Episode 11 Domesticity On now 0630 just before breakfast Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Friends email Picked up a hitch-hiker. Seemed like a nice guy. After a few klms, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might be a serial killer? I told him that the odds of two serial killers being in the same car was extremely unlikely. He was very quiet after that Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Man dies an ends up in heaven After the normal welcome he is told of a new system designed to access which level of heaven would best suit him It was a massive technology upgrade on THE BOOK where all your sins had lies had been recorded Pointing to a ramp StPeter gave the man a supermarket cart full of sticks of chalk He was to push the cart up the ramp At each level he would come to a door with a chalkboard He was to write his name and sin on the board When he had written out his last sin and lie the chalk would turn into a key and he could open the door He was also instructed to stay to the left of the ramp He sets off and follows the instructions and as days pass he feels the cart becoming lighter and guesses he is closer to his door Sure enough a day later his stick of chalk becomes a key and he opens the door. Stepping inside he looks around the glorious set up He was about to go further inside and close the door when he hears a strange noises Turning around he sees Donald Trump sitting in a cart running down the ramp He just has time to call out to say are you OK and hear back I'm good I'm going back from another cart of chalk Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are sentenced to ten-years in jail, each. Before they are imprisoned they are offered an unlimited supply of an item of their choosing. The Englishman chooses an unlimited supply of beer, the Irishman cigarettes, and the Scotsman whisky. After ten-years has passed the guards open the Englishman's cell and all three prisoners tumble out and the Irishman asks, "Have you got a light?"
I don't get it. How did they all get in the Englishman's cell? Does beer help non-Englishmen to tunnel through walls?
If prisoners can tunnel through walls you'd think they'd escape, but they all joined each other so they could party. You really are an ignoramus! ☺