Isaac Asimov's Ridiculous Limericks The Huffington Post | By Maddie Crum Posted: 07/17/2014 7:45 am EDT Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Isaac Asimov made eerily accurate predictions for how the world would be in 2014 -- he anticipated, for example, our ability to "see as well as hear the person you telephone." More impressively, he asserted that, “Robots will neither be common nor very good in 2014, but they will be in existence." If this, coupled with his imaginative and beautifully-crafted Foundation series, weren't enough proof of his genius, here's more: In addition to his immense body of scientific work, fictional and non-, he's written books upon books of... dirty limericks. Yep, the same man who sagely stated, "The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom" also sat down to craft the following poem, published in 1975 in the volume Lecherous Limericks: There was a sweet girl of Decatur Who went to sea on a freighter. She was screwed by the master -An utter disaster- But the crew all made up for it later. Asimov has stated that this was the first limerick he ever composed. In the introduction to the book, he dissects what makes a successful limerick, writing, "The humor should be vulgar and should deal with actions and words concerning which society pretends nonexistence -- reproduction, excretion, and so on. This is not an absolute requirement, and you can, indeed, have "clean" limericks... Clean limericks, however, lack flavor, like vanilla ice cream or pound cake." The "vulgar" or dirty limerick, on the other hand, "has its value because to the humor of rhyme and the challenge of metrical rigidity it adds the relief of release." He went on to publish More Lecherous Limericks, Still More Lecherous Limericks, Asimov's Sherlockian Limericks, Limericks: Too Gross; or Two Dozen Dirty Stanzas, A Grossery of Limericks, Isaac Asimov's Limericks for Children and Asimov Laughs Again: More Than 700 Favorite Jokes, Limericks, and Anecdotes. So, the dude liked limericks. In fact, he invented the word "limericist" to describe himself. Here are a few, which he has described as vulgar, but not gratuitously so: An Olympian lecher was Zeus, Always playing around fast and loose With one hand in the bodice, Of some likely young goddess, And the other preparing to goose. A young teacher from far-off Bombay, Turned down a request for a lay Nicely couched in a note, Since the fellow who wrote Had spelled "intercoarse" with an "a." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/17/asimov-limericks_n_5523627.html
The was a young man from Nantucket Who loved an unusual bucket He hugged it at night, and to his delight.............................
There was a young woman named Bright, Whose speed was much faster than light. She set out one day, In a relative way, And returned on the previous night
The Grey Squirrel Like a small grey coffee-pot, sits the squirrel. He is not all he should be, kills by dozens trees, and eats his red-brown cousins. The keeper on the other hand, who shot him, is a Christian, and loves his enemies, which shows the squirrel was not one of those. https://allpoetry.com/The-Grey-Squirrel
There once was a beer with a straw, That people regarded with awe, Till the straw was pulled out By a man who devout- Ly gulped every drink that he saw.
Yup, on the spot. I have a short attention span so five lines is about the length of my creative ability.
There was a nice boy, name of Paul Whoes pencil was exceedingly small His sweet girlfriend said "I will fill with lead" "Because I have just the tool" Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Alas her tool did not work Because of a very strange quirk His pencil was bent to the left And his sweet girlfriends cleft Went right, so no furk Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
But true love conquers all And both of them stood tall The pencil went into a vice The cleft was fixed in a trice And the honeymoon was a ball Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
A fellow named Mike345, The second-worst poet alive, Wrote a horrible beast Of a line but at least A limerick has only five.
Slideshowbob got it right As I write this at night One glorious day I had a poem pay- out $3,000 in travel and goods when I won a National Geographic competition for why I bought the magazine and my answer was a adaptation of Patterson's Man from Snowy River Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
To write du-ell-ing lim-er-icks Is on of my fav-or-ite tricks. I can do it fast. I know they won't last. It's good that they're five lines, not six.