Is trust earned or learned?

@ write4u;

Yes x 1000!

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That's how I have felt over those who I've trusted. I think many people look at friendships and relationships these days, as disposable. Loyalty and integrity have gone by the wayside. I disagree with dmoe saying that "everything is a perception." While I understood his post, I respectfully disagree with that "observation."

You really hit home a lot with how I've felt with respect to trust. Thank you again for taking the time to post this.

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Perception must be a factor. It is how we perceive the world around us, and no amount of convincing will make that person change their mind.
Two parties both maybe perceiving the same situation differently. Past experiences must affect their perceptions.
If one was to take excessive concern as to how something is perceived they virtually become "living in a lie". Given the right opportunity that perception could change, but it must begin with removing/setting aside the previous perceptions.

 

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wegs, may I respectfully ask in which Post I made the statement or "observation" that ; " "everything is a perception." "

BTW - perceive is another way to say "look at" as in ; Many people perceive friendships and relationships as disposable.
So when I stated : Perception is mostly personal. - another way of stating the same could be : How one "looks at things" is mostly personal.

I do not mind one bit people disagreeing with anything I say.
I do not mind one bit people voicing or stating those disagreements with anything I say.
It does however kind of put me in a weird, bemused state when people disagree with "observations" or "statements" that I have not made.

I am sorry if you understood my Post #135, by any misunderstanding of any "observation" or of anything I was "saying".

 

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Hey

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Ok, I reread your post and in essence, that is what you are saying...that it pretty much boils down to perception. So maybe if someone does a person wrong, another person might find the same offense...hilarious.

You are entitled to your opinion, but I respectfully disagree that everything boils down to perception.

That sounds like a convenient way for someone to act in a number of inappropriate ways and not take responsibility for his or her actions. If I offend someone...I apologize. I don't say..."well, that's your perception." Perhaps we just employ different thinking when it comes to this.

We will have to agree to disagree on that idea.

 

A person's opinion and perception are connected, nearly the same thing.

Two people might find the same thing offensive and hilarious. It takes time to know when to say something and when to keep quiet.

If you were to apologize, that must surely be after someone has pointed out your error (generally), like you've been told, "that was offensive", so you apologize, if you care, or you don't, if couldn't give a damn. It is not guaranteed that an apology will always follow. That's human nature in action.

 

I understand, but I don't agree.
If I offend someone, and I'm aware of it, I apologize. If I keep offending that person, my apologies will become meaningless. Hence, trust will be broken. I'm understanding of first and even second offenses.

Beyond that, if the offenses become habitual... the behavior is deliberate and the offender has no intention of treating the person any better. That's what breaks trust. I'm a reasonable person and will accept a time or two of "misunderstandings."
But when there is a pattern forming, that tells me that the person doesn't mean what they say.

Trust is earned therefore, going back to the OT.

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...essence...boils down to...hilarious...

wegs, yes we are all entitled to our opinions. I would like to state a few of my own opinions, if I may presume to be so bold.

I, dmoe, do hereby state : I respectfully disagree that everything boils down to perception.
I, dmoe, do hereby state : If someone does another person wrong, I, dmoe, would not find that offense in any way, hilarious.
I, dmoe, do hereby state : Employing the defense of - well that is how I look at it - or - that is my perception of it - does not in any way absolve or excuse anyone for their actions.

And now for a statement of fact:

I, dmoe, do hereby state : wegs, I am truly sorry how you understood my Post #135.

 

Repeated

 

How do you become aware of it? What does that involve? Is it intuition or does the other party have to point it out? Well, I see what you mean of how difficult it feels, but in this process you would find you were genuinely getting to know that other person. If there is too much gentle treading, "pussyfooting Kiwi slang", OK it might seem "great" but do you really know what the other person really thinks? It takes two to tango, so if each is set in their ways, well, they will never meet in the middle ground. You say it tells you "that the person doesn't mean what they say". Say about what? Weren't they already giving their opinions openly and genuinely.

Definition from Urban Dictionary.

Pussyfooting

To mess around. 'No Pussyfooting' would be translated as straight to the point, without beating around the bush.
No Pussyfooting, just a straight-foreward answer

 

You play a joke on someone - they are offended but someone else can still see the joke. So by implication you must have a very restricted sense of humour.
OK it might have been silly to play a joke on someone, but they have to allow that to happen and laugh as well.

 

No worries, and thank you kindly.

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I know what pussyfooting means. lol I think that for the sake of discussion, we are speaking about an otherwise reasonable person. Not someone overly sensitive to every slight, or offense. I'm not easily offended. My personal issues with trust have stemmed from repeated offenses. I give people the benefit of the doubt, they offend again. If you keep touching a hot stove, you keep getting burned. Eventually, you learn that the stove is a stove, and can't change. But, you must move away from it, to avoid getting burned. Likewise, some people = stoves.

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Jokes are different. We're talking just relationship type stuff. But, that's true. You might think you're hilarious, and someone might be offended. It happens.

 

Do you think I'm easily offended? Sometimes things are said with the deliberate intention of causing offense (a perception). So in that case of intentional offence no matter what the other person complains about, they are not going to get an apology, are they?

Then there is the use of indirect implication. Start talking about "wolves in sheep's clothing", if the other person complains, then simply suggest if the description fits, "well there you are - you are guilty".
These are all tactics used, we all do it, destructively I suppose. I wonder if you see those same traits in your own behaviour? I know I do it at times too, but usually in a retaliatory mode.

 

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/wolf-in-sheeps-clothing.html

I didn't know there were Biblical references to that phrase...

 

But you quoted that chapter and verse the other day .... OK, don't you remember?

 

I don't remember quoting about false prophets, no. But, I might have. I don't always have a good memory. lol

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It doesn't matter. At the end of the day, my 'perceptions' matter to me. They are what guide my life. And if I feel I can't trust someone, it's not imagined. Said person in the past, repeated behaviors to lose my trust. That's how I see the whole issue of trust. Not a one of us wishes to be baited and switched. If someone tramples on my trust a few times, it's a few times too many...my prayer for such people is that they recognize their behaviors and don't hurt anyone else. But, I sense....they will continue right along, doing what they do. There are some people who like the pursuit of another person, and the chase only. When the chase is over, they show who they really are. ''Wolf in sheep's clothing'' fits that type of person to me. I've known a few guys like that.

But, the experiences make ya stronger, I reckon.

In order to grow, we have to struggle sometimes. :m:

 

But the whole point of this debate was to show how perceptions can be wrong. Are you now accusing me of doing this repeatedly? God, how much stronger do you want me to become?
Who's killing who? OK it hasn't killed me, but the feeling ain't that great either.

Baited and switched - I wonder what that implies... please?

 

Robittybob;

The genesis of this thread had and has nothing to do with you. I don't wish to spar with you.
I've gleaned a lot from it and as I said earlier, think it's run its course. :m:

Thx for the insights you've shared too. I've taken them in.

 

Wegs - I don't want to spar with you either. I would prefer reasoned discussion, who wants to fight?
Must be time for some Beautiful Christian Music.

 

Nah, treating people poorly and with disrespect should never become habit. It becomes habit because ppl in that person's life tolerate it.
I hear your point, but to allow someone to treat you beneath what you deserve is foolish.
Life's too short to waste time on ppl like this.