The Dilapidated Housewives of Douchebag County

My God. Is there, possibly, a less redeeming television show, anywhere? Or has there been at any time? Or is value redefined to some common neutrality, with each show being essentially amoral? I suppose I'd go for the last one, generally, but adding that these douchebags - of whatever county of collected idiots they hail from - seem to have made the amoral actually antimoral. Beverly Hills, New York, Orange County, Atlanta (may Neptune sink it into the sea once more) - it gets worse and worse and dumber and dumber with each series. In this most recent episode of the ***bags of Orange County, the idiots have invited their friend with them to Costa Rica, alienated her for some unfathomable reason, and bitch endlessly as they prepare to dice with elaborately preventable death (curse you, Bravo TV) on a river rafting run. One particularly loathsome cow actually has the temerity to say that one of them dying would be the worst thing ever.

Oh really? Really? Because I can probably think of ten thousand things worse than that, with the 10,000th thing being "stubbing my own toe". Without getting into another nauseating discussion of the FSM - please, please God. Now? If You're there, now would be the time. Significantly higher average IQ for the planet. More oxygen for everyone. And, if the body were lost, biodegradable materials injected back into the ecosystem, minus the silicon and hot pink synthetic fibers.

Now, I'm all for vicious repressing of many of the candidates who want to see the repression of culture - well, not all of them, as this rant shows. But seriously - why not now? Imagine the cultural healing spreading over the nation via the repression of the whims and whinings of a collection of spoiled, ignorant, self-important idiots. You might argue Jackass in return, and you might even be right - but in no way could the deliberate exploration of dunderheads for the purposes of generating cheap physical laughs be in any way comparable to the societal damage accruing from these overindulged, rich, boneheaded binge-bot scum. Imagine them being shut down. Imagine the tremor of fear that would sweep the ranks of the morally unwashable: Jersey Whores (I think that's the title), Top Chef with its hateful ex-Salman Rushdie-armchair-girl host, any of several designer shows...all right, primarily the one with the insufferable asshole... Bethenny (arguable the only actual non-cyborg out of one of the collections of ignoramuses... the one with the laughable Contessa and the model so passive-aggressive that even the French would want to burn her), but still contaminated by association, Kathy whats-her-relevance, America's Next Semi-Human, Chef Chef Chef, Fashion Fashion Fashion and whatever Tyra Banks is throwing phones at this year. So nearly everything on Bravo's line: let's be honest, here. Blame where blame is due.

(And this, by the by, is a network that, without the vaguest hint of irony, labels itself... Bravo. Something to keep in mind.)

There's even a video game based on one or another set of Housewives...what a boon and joy to young minds and the hardcore fringe of thirty-year-old basement dwellers that must be. Intrigued by the deliberate vapidity of a lowest-common-denominator moral minefield? Well now you can pretend to be part of it! It could be argued that at least it might keep the truly evil from practicing their warped interests on the rest of humanity - or at least the rest of the morons in Orange County, say - but it's my justifiably pessimistic suspicion that it would act more like a scratching post for particularly skanky cats.

I would ask, in general, whether there would be any recourse to shitting - excuse me, shutting them down. I know this will meet with collective antioutrage - how dare you even suggest putting a tap on our garbage valve! - but by paraphrasing Winston Churchill, I think that if Satan himself had decided to make war on them I could at least do him the benefit of a few kind words to the FCC.

 

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Nice rant, Geoff. :splat:

 

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I'm glad I never tried to watch it then.

 

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me too
nor have i seen shit like lost and its ilk
i did catch a few episodes of some shit on mtv long time ago when the genre was kinda new and whatnot

shit like that simply does not register
i am so glad i am me...................and not geoff
he sounds like a fish fag no?

 

Never even heard of it... Then again, I unplugged the cable years ago - and have not missed it.

 

gustav - lost was soapy. great start, disappointing ending..
are you thinking of survivor? reality show with with lots of leathery old people trying to win enough money to file bankruptcy in a year by outsmarting the other idiots in their camp?

either way, I agree with OP on these shows and the other reality shows like them. My friend's sister in law produces real housewives new york, so i've had to sit and bite my tongue a few times when she carries on about it, so geoff you can know that I extra-enjoyed your rant. tv has gone to shit in general. There are few things I watch on tv anymore, and I'm excited to say that our contract is finally up this month (two years ugh!) and can't wait for it to be gone for good

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Agreed.

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uke:

 

I only use my TV for games and sports now. I find very few programs worth viewing. I do like myth busters, though

 

Lost is probably the best TV show of the 21st century that I have seen

 

The sport of choice in our house is hockey. baseball some (although I can't stand it myself). Since hockey is hit or miss depending on your provider, we usually end up streaming it or watching at the bar, and for the rest, netflix is perfect. In fact, the biggest drawback to netflix is that you discover great shows you didn't know existed (nor did anyone else) and have already been cancelled as soon as you fall in love with them. Stargate Universe was this way, at least they ended it in such a way that a Who-esque revival in 10 years would be not only possible, but accurate.

 

yeah
be a cultured npr fucker like me, geoff

oh really
here is the wiki page on geoff's fave show....

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I thought Geoff had made that title up based on some Desperate Housewives-type show I was unfamiliar with! Surely, it's a parody???

My friends and I used to watch Batman (starring Adam Wes). Being wise-ass pre-pubes we did not realize it was a spoof. Years and years later when we finally learned that, we smiled and said,'Ohhhh!' Brilliant show!

This was our favorite bit:

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​

 

Never heard of it....

 

They're American series.

Ho ho! Not I, lass. It's my other. I don't get to say 'no' to it.

As above. I'm sure that's what the networks feel too. But that's no moral excuse.

Unfortunately in TV decisions it takes but one to tango. I read-a the book. I write-a the book. I watch-a the something else on my computer. But it persists in the background. It's not about me or my household specifically, because clowns the breadth of the Western world are watching this idiocy. I can avoid damage - other than a carefully bridled rage - but others are absorbing it. Imagine children even catching a blast of the advertising for these spoiled idiots. It's psychological poison.

It's like sugar, fat and salt: there's no genetic predisposition to avoid or restrict one's immersion to those. Similarly, these abominations probably stimulate some deplorable psychological void that I can't be bothered to investigate. You'd limit a man's crack cocaine consumption, wouldn't you? I wonder just how extreme a stimulus these things might invoke, and what kind of damage they're causing. I'd hate for uncontrolled consumerism and a shrug to help along the crumbling of society.


gustav: "fish fag"?

 

I suspect TV is much more tranquil in NZ than elsewhere; it's not too prevalent during the mid-day hours here... I think. But it does encroach well prior to 9 PM. All of a sudden bang! a flash of one of these fools springs up like a Republican with a flyer, hoping to enthrall you into the meme-clan by catching you off-guard.

But in reference to the general population, teenagers, who should not be allowed to do anything except continue to power the homestead battery-cycle, can soak their brains in this for hours at a time. It's a sort of reversal on the Tragedy of the Commons: it's so available that everyone can poison themselves on it - where I can control my usage but not that of everyone else. And, where the currency of their use could conceivably be points in Stupid, I think I should have some say. Or is this just the crux of censorship?

 

If nothing else, Geoff, you can take solace in knowing these types of shows have a very short half-life. Basic cable LOVES shows that are cheap to produce and get decent ratings. If one of them comes out with a formula that works...immediately, all of the other channels will hop on the bandwagon and create their own clones of the show...until they over-flood the market, and viewers get tired of it all....then they move on to something else.

 

Sure.

Something worse.

On the up side, that means the transition to an actual Survivor show - with all the mortal implications that such a name supplies - is that much closer.

Let the Games begin.