alternative spanking methods.

Actually, I didn't want to say it, but those mind games that were presented by Orleander could be also considered as psychological extortion.
And personally, I don't think that it's a good thing when a woman abases her son in front of his classmates, and uses other such methods. Such mortifications could lead to misogyny, and odd sexual behaviour, and desires. Also, depending on the age (i.e. puberty), suddenly depriving kids of their privacy isn't good either, especially if they're in puberty, and were always used to have their sphere of privacy in the house.
I'm sorry, but if it were for me, I'd prefer to get hit instead of being stalked by my mum to school, and being deprived of my privacy. It's a wonder that Orleander's son kept so quiet, and just accepted his fate.

 

Log in or Sign up to hide all adverts.

I agree.!!!

In the winter the door to my bedroom was always open so heat from the furnace coud com in... but i sure woud try an use som other method to control undesirable behavior besides takin the door off a kids room.!!!

Im so glad she didnt... an i cant even emagine my mom doin ether of those thangs to me... but if i had to choose between her doin those punishments i cant pick 1 as bein preferable to the other... but... wit those types of punishments comin from a stranger... i woud prefer bein paddled unless it was as hard as my 8th grade math teecher hit me.!!!

 

Log in or Sign up to hide all adverts.

No cause that can kill someone you cant go hitting people with Batts well atleast kids you cant But I tell you the Rocks worked for me and my kids evy time you only have to kneel on rocks once to get the message that hey I better not do that.

 

Log in or Sign up to hide all adverts.

i remeber one time i was drinking out of a bowl like a cat and my mother hit me right on top of my head. unfortunately i bit through my tongue and it bled a lot. now i look back on it and think it was pretty funny, had a hole in my tongue for awhile too.

 

I would rather have been slapped silly then my mom do that to me. What did you expect her son to do? Who knows what she would have done next? :crazy:
She already said her daughter is behaving at school because she is horrified of it happening to her. So basically they behave because they live in fear of being humiliated. My question is also, why aren't they behaving at school? Could it be that she can't bribe them with Candy anymore? Wonder what she has to bribe with now? Clothes? Video Games?

The last time I spanked my kids was about 10 yrs ago (for the 13 yr old) and 5 yrs ago (for the 8 yr old) and to repeat they got a spank about 2-3 times in their life.

Grounding and taking away the computer works great for my 13 yr old when he deserves a punishment. My youngest one is called the "Golden Boy" around here because he rarely does anything to get in trouble.

Humiliation isn't on the list, and NEVER will be. I love my boys too much to do that to them. That is something that if a parent does enough of or holds over a teenagers head will make them HATE you.
You can't tell me that this makes for a good relationship with your kids in the end. His friends if not her son himself must call her a BITCH, I know I would if someone's mom did that to one of my friends.

 

I agree that humiliation is not the way to and I have no plans on using that on my kids.
That said...

When my nephew was about 16, he thought he was funny and snatched a girl's purse in the hallway in his school, ran off, searched through it and threw it in the garbage.
The following Sunday, his mother stood up in her church, made him stand up next to her and asked the whole congregation to pray for her purse snatching son.
I thought that was FUNNY AS HELL!

Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

 

There's nothing wrong with a child learning to be ashamed of what they have done.

 

really? Please feel free to PM me the post where I have bashed you

 

I couldn't disagree more.

 

HA! funny but not something I would or could do. I like to spare myself from embarrassment too.

I don't get those calls from the Principal, unless they are sick or got injured and want me to come pick them up. I have NEVER had to threaten them to behave at school, but from what the teachers tell me they do.

I have only received 1 call other then sickness or injury.
There was on incident last yr where this bigger kid who was picking on my youngest for the longest time pushed him down for the last time. My son finally had enough and punched him in the nose it bleed and the kid vomited on the playground. The kid deserved it and when the Principal called we had a disagreement and I told him that I don't feel bad for the kid after the way he harassed my son for so long.

 

It's disgusting that you would do that to your grown son in the first place. Now not only does he have the fear of that happening again sitting with him. You have your daughter sitting in fear of that happening to her.

Your solution to them behaving is putting the fear of humiliation in their heads. I don't understand that you don't see how devastating this kind of thing would be to a teenager.
It could lead to self esteem problems, and bullying at school IMO. Why would you subject your own kids to that?

All I can say is Good Luck with that........I wouldn't be surprised if this all turns around one day and they end up HATING you.

Me either especially when they are teenagers in front of their friends at their school. That has got to be the worst. Punishment should be done in private IMO.

 

ok, why?

 

I personally don't think shame is a positive thing at all, but that is really a discussion for another thread and time.

I have many reasons why I don't think using shame is a good thing for children aside from that.

They are not learning anything, they are simply being emotionally blackmailed. Just like using guilt, all it does is teach them to avoid those uncomfortable feelings - it teaches them to avoid talking to you about these things.
It creates a void between the two of you. When kids do something they should not have done, it is a great opportunity for them to learn and to have honest, open communication between the two of you. Mistakes are a growth experience. You can either be with them and help the grow positively, or you can alienate them, make them angry and embarrassed to talk to you and pull further away from you as a result.
Also, at an extraordinarily fragile time in their lives, when they are largely ruled by their emotions, insecurity, not knowing who they are or should be, this makes all of the much more difficult. It is not just a temporary punishment, it can have very long lasting effects. It is cruel and could very well be counter-productive.
It teaches them that shame is a good motivator. Not a whole lot different, really, than those who do not sin because they fear God's wrath, as opposed to those who understand why it is wrong and act in accordance to their value system. If Dad beats you when you do stupid shit, it teaches you to not get caught by Dad, because he is an asshole. The alternative is to not do the stupid shit because you have a balanced, mature understand of the consequences of your actions on other people.
Think about it for a second... What is the end result? What did he really learn? Did he learn why what he did was wrong and grow and mature as a person, or did he learn that his mom will be a real bitch again if he gets caught doing this again? If he DID learn and grow and mature from the two of you discussing it, then the "punishment" will not only not help that along, but it more likely work against that progress.
What is your real goal - to punish him, or to teach him?

This is all just the beginning - I could go on for hours about why I think it's a bad idea.

 

Both. My kid steals, they are gonna be punished and I would hope they have learned a lesson from that punishment.

I think too many parents worry about hurting precious Johnny's feelings. Its why we have soccer games where scores aren't kept and contests at school where everyone gets a ribbon.

 

I agree, but there is a WORLD of difference between not keeping scores to keep Little Johnny from getting his feelings hurt and publicly shaming a child into submission.
Not allowing a child to fail keeps that child from growing and maturing emotionally. Publicly shaming a child is just malicious and cruel and keeps that child from growing and maturing emotionally.

 

Well, first I would say that bashed is not the word I would use, I responded to Squirells post that we were bashing you.

But, basically you have implied several times that I am assaulting my kids by having spanked them. To me that implies that I am abusing them. Which is pretty serious.

We are in a disagreement about spanking. That doesn't make me an abuser.

I have no desire to make accusations about your parenting skills or tactics, but I can question them. I am not questioning the intent of your actions.

You have offered an alternative, one that I would choose not to use. But it is an alternative, and I have suggested that we respect that.

 

So basically I have said that I think spanking is assault so therefore I am bashing you? But I haven't said "You bastard! You are a horrible person! I would never stoop to the level of a monster like you to beat a child! I pity your children."

I said what I thought about spanking, but I never made a personal attack about you, have I? Have I bashed anyone here?

I hope I made it about the punishment and not the person doing the punishing. I thought we were to make it about the issue, not the person. I try to be more adult than making it personal.

If you go through the spanking/IQ thread and this one, you will see that most of the personal attacks have been made against me.

 

and you think that one time purse incident kept him from growing and maturing emotionally?

 

Orly,

I agree that you didn't make personal attacks. But in a roundabout way, claiming that spanking is assault to someone who has spanked their kid is saying that I am assaulting them.

So, this is where I got defensive. I know in my heart that I am not assaulting my kids or abusing my kids. It's an accusation about my intent as a parent. My intent is certainly not about assault or abuse or hurt. No more than yours is.

It's the way it should be and you have. As I said above, indirectly, it comes across as being accused of assaulting my kid. But I think I can appreciate your position without taking it personally.

There have been attacks against you and from others against those of us who have spanked their kids.

The ones that piss me off are not coming from you at all. They are not trying to discuss it, just make snide comments.

Your issue is not with me either. I can disagree with you without making it personal. All I ask is for the same in return.

 

Here we go with the innocent act, which you THINK you have mastered. You really think the members here are that stupid?

Everytime a parent tried to explain why they gave their child a spanking you just shut your ears and called it ASSAULT. You stepped on a lot of toes when you called parent's here abusers and you know it....don't play innocent now.

This has happened many times before in discussions with you. As soon as more members start telling you that YOU are full of shit, you try and act like you don't know what they are talking about. It is clear reading the Spanking Lowers IQ thread who you insulted and bashed.

I don't know what is more pathetic, your acting innocent act...playing stupid... or the the mind games you play with people and your own kids.