Some assertions: 1) Men use women's beauty and purity as reflections - if they are with/looking at something beautiful and pure, they feel beautiful and pure themselves. 2) Men do not feel pure or beautiful - I would guess women deal with these feelings also, but they are not at issue in the dynamic I am focusing on. 3) Rather than facing, squarely, their own feelings of being disgusting, tainted, impure, ugly - if morally or emotionally - they seek out women to be their mirror. This creates a pressure on women to be pure. If you are a man and think you are not involved in this dynamic, imagine the difference you might feel if a male friend spat in the street and a woman you wanted or were invovled with spat in the street. That specific scenario might not be the right trigger, but I think many men will find other behaviors that seem more disgusting in women: whether sexual or physical or expressions of desire around sex food or violence. So men have created a pressure - which manifests in different ways in different cultures - for women to present as pure and beautiful and suppress or avoid presenting themselves in ways that remind men of the ways they themselves feel impure and 'ugly'.
Simon, If you get the chance, I suggest to read Imago by Carl Spitteler. (The book is originally in German, published in 1906. He also won the Noble Prize.) It's about a strongly artistically inclined man, with lots of fantasy, who, after having met a woman at a spa for only an afternoon, conjures up a love-story and marriage of their souls in his mind. Some years later, driven by the imaginary love, he seeks her out. The book is full of all sorts lines of thoughts, some really really bizzare concepts - but which are actually not so foreign and can be found to a greater or lesser extent in modern communication as well. Among other topics, it deals precisely with the problem of women's purity and what men conjure up around it. The story goes into what I found to be sickening detail, although with an overall slightly humorous tone.
You've got a point Simon. But I'm not sure it's that they feel impure on the inside, as that they get much of their sense of masculinity from rigidly defined roles. Boys are hard, girls are soft. Boys spit and tell dirty jokes, girls don't. That's an oversimplification but from what I've seen in society it's pretty much what is at work. Certain behaviours and personality traits are labelled masculine and others are labelled feminine. Take away those unwritten rules, and people feel disoriented.
Good point. And I am aware that I am oversimplifying. I noticed in myself however that there was a way I was using women as a mirror without being conscious of it. If I am looking in this beautiful face than I am beautiful. (I am not saying this is bad by the way and I think women do this too, though perhaps not quite the same way and perhaps with less objectification). It also strikes me how it is different for a man to play around than a woman. How she gets tainted and he does not. I do see the role thing, but it seems to go beyond behavior. A woman can get stained by behavior in ways men do not, in this strange philosophy. Why do men need their women not stained? How do they manage to not feel stained themselves? Is this connected? Do they think of themselves as pure by using 'their' women as the measure of their own purity?
I kind of like tomboys. I'm not vaguely gay by a long shot (and not just saying that to avoid ridicule), but I always had a thing for Darlene on Rosanne. To me, spitting in the street is hot. Beating me at pool? Even hotter. Good luck, but hey, a man can dream. My girl can pee standing up. Now that's hot. Not to mention utilitarian.
