Tuna

Natural History

A large fish of the Scombrid family, tuna (Thunnus spp.) are noted for their high speed (50 mph) and tastiness. Tuna also have a structure called the rete mirabille (or 'miraculous network') which returns heat to their bodies and helps maintain muscular activity. Tuna are found in cans of several hundred grams to a kilo or more.

Tuna sex

Tuna are external fertilizers.

Tuna regularly hang around dolphins ([1]) but do not share their sexual proclivities regarding the sexual assault of humans - at least, overtly. Nothing of course is really known of actual tuna psychology, and I dare anyone to say anything different. No? No complaining, then? All right - now back away from the post slowly, keeping your fingers where I can see them.

Tuna in popular offensive culture

Tuna are occasionaly implicated in stories about women's vaginas, usually in phrases such as "slow boat to tuna-town". It is not known whether tuna are offended by these expressions, as none have survived modern canning practices.

Americans call canned tuna "tunafish", which is another example of why Americans should really not be allowed to invent their own expressions. I mean, honestly. What's the alternative? "Tuna horse"? "Tuna Chicken - tastes like fish"? Most canned tuna contains lots of juicy dolphin pieces too. The Japanese are delighted when they see a dolphin testicle in their tuna after opening a can because it is considered to be a delicacy once you get used to the awful taste.