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Pirates are free spirits of the oceans. They freely move through all oceans and seas on their mighty ships looking for opportunities to steal, rape and kill. Usually pirates are seen in the company of parrots or monkeys. They have metal hooks replacing one hand, wooden pegs replacing one leg, and an eye patch covering one eye. They also smell like month old baby diapers, and dress like the male members from ABBA. Pirates are infamous for being perpetually drunk from drinking rum.

Unfortunately, due to an excessive amount of hunting followed by an excessive amount of hanging, pirates have long since become extinct. Their prolific legacy has since been properly and respectfully immortalized as the comic relief in a large number of Disney movies.

It's worth mentioning that a small group of historical reenactment enthusiasts from Somalia have recently taken up Piracy as a sort of hobby.

Pirates and Homosexuality

Pirates were known to turn to homosexuality or bestiality during long voyages at sea [1].[Citation No Longer Needed]

See Also - Pirates vs. Ninjas

Software Pirates

Main article: Bill Gates

There are also Software Pirates, which aren't known to board sailing vessels however they do attempt to steal merchant shipments through the online P2P (Person to Person) Filesharing networks through the use of cracks also supplied on the network. Most of these pirates do suffer from Skullduggery where a crack they download also happens to be a trojan that gives somebody else access to their computer.


  • The Village People originally had seven members (the 7th member was a pirate). He was later released from the group because they already had a sailor, and they considered the abundance of gay sailing men to be overkill.
  • Exeter was also a pirate until the time that he was getting a job interview for Lockheed-Martin. His interviewer noticed his letter of recommendation contained high traces of misspelled writing and was saturated with rum (his other letter of recommendation was from Bill Clinton). It should also be noted that Exeter brought his cutlass to the interview.

See Also