Milk

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Milk or Moo Juice is a substance obtained from the mammary gland of mammals. Its primary purpose is to provide a liquid food for the animals offspring, although in humans it causes the pleasant side-affect of big tits.

Except possibly dogs. No-one in their right mind would drink dog milk.

Except puppies. But they have nothing to compare it to, so their opinion doesn't really count. Kittens, however, are sometimes raised by the milk produced by a dog.[citation needed] So kittens can compare cat milk to dog milk - unlike puppies. However, kittens, horrible creatures that they are, actually prefer drinking human blood to either.

But we digress. Milk tastes best in tea. Neither dogs nor cats - of any age - know this. Which is why we are morally justified in beating them lightly and keeping them on leads.


History of milk in tea

The British started drinking milk in tea in Victorian times when science had embraced racism. The common people learned from scientists that white tea was superior. Modern research has shown that tea without milk is healthier than with, as adding milk destroys tea's natural antioxidants [1]. Milk is therefore an excellent example of how society closely follows trends in science... and then studiously ignores the implications. Most British people continue to take their tea with a big, lovely splash of good old milk. It just does you a world of good, and is an excellent accompaniment to thick, white bread, toasted, with lashings of butter.

Trivia

  • Leaving a big glass of warm milk on the radiator is a good way to make your own yogurt.
  • Fun-size Mars bars make excellent normal-sized Mars bars for midgets.

References