Liverpool

Liverpool is a city in the North West of England. It is the hometown of John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr, collectively known as The Beatles. Which would be fine if it ended there. Unfortunately, it is also the hometown of 500,000 workshy, Stanley knife-wielding scouse yobbos who will happily slash your face for your jacket and your free bus pass. Only rats and gangs of armed policemen dare wander the streets there at night. Think Mad Max but with accents so unbearable that people within range have been known to ram pencils through their own ear-drums rather than listen to that awful ultra-sonic whining a second longer.

Trivia

• Liverpool is scheduled for demolition by 2008. It is to be replaced with a large peat bog. This decision was voted for unanimously by the members of Liverpool City Council, who then blagged another 8 million Euros worth of European funding in order to enact it. Their initial plan was to raise Manchester into the air using a space elevator and then hurl the flaming wreckage onto Liverpool in order "ter kill two bairds wi' one stone, like", but the plan never materialized owing to the incredible denseness of Mancs.