Latest revision as of 11:28, 29 November 2009

France is a country in Western Europe known for its consumption of garlic and wine. The French have a bad reputation in war (second only to the Italians) due to a recent bout of losses on the battlefield - the most humiliating one being the way they were overrun by the fanatically-efficient Germans in WWII. They did conquer half of Europe and more under Napoleon and supported America in their independence fight against the British. Somewhere between then and now they seem to have lost track of their balls.

Modern France is characterized by its central role in the EU together with Germany dominating the smaller EU members or the larger insignificant EU members (see Italy).

French Culture

The French allegedly show an aversion for personal hygiene, however I asked several French people personally and they denied this. Or at least I think they did. Honestly, it was hard to get close enough to understand their gibbering over the raw, septic stink of garlic, body odour and Gauloise fumes. I threw a bar of soap at them and did a runner.

History of France

France used to exist in the past too, but not always.

France and England

The French and the English have a longstanding rivalry culminating in a few wars some of which may have lasted 100 years. If ever two nations were to really hate one another, this would be the best sign of it. The origin of this rivalry is not entirely clear and in modern times it is dwarfed by that between France and the USA.

The French once sneakily tried to invade England by digging a tunnel under the Channel. However the English realised this devious plan and decided to dig their own way towards France in a surprise counter. Eventually they met in the middle and a great battle ensued. After heavy losses on both sides, they decided to go back home, laying tracks along the way for a future invasion by train. This tunnel is reinforced with garlic filters on the British side to keep out French influence. The French on the other hand, have mounted turrets at their entrance to shoot at any mad cows that drift over.

France and the USA

France helped the USA win their independence war and gave them the Statue of Liberty in celebration of the new republic, but mostly to piss off Britain. It took a mere 170 years, however, for the milk to curdle and the old Gallic game to be renewed against the new "tête quarées", the Americans. The root cause lies in the treatment of France and especially Charles de Gaulle by the Americans and British allies as something less than a deity sprung whole-formed from the cradle of the gods themselves. This caused a rift that was never healed. France sought independence politically from the USA and the British after the humiliating experience of being beaten almost without a fight in WWII and focused on the EU; again mostly to piss off Britain, but also as a particularly French form of thanks for their liberation (see Eeenglish pigdogs). Although originally France was strongly opposed to the lifting of economic restrictions of Germany - the only nation more despised, apparently, than those that actually saved their asses - soon after the war both Germany and France realized they needed each other in order to gain influence. In international politics, this is the equivalent of a two-bit hooker going back to her abusive pimp for protection.

• For instance, the French steel industry could not operate without coal from Germany and German industry needed French steel.

This resulted in a push for the EU by France and Germany with a reluctant England missing the first boat. From this moment on France and Germany dominated the EU policy.

Although the Indochina war was fought by the French it was entirely funded, in another bout of Gallic irony, by the USA. Money that otherwise could have gone to orphans. Or laundry soap. Let's not dwell, shall we? This left France with the Marshall plan funds to stimulate and rebuild its economy; or, to create one.

The next rift with the USA ("'as it onlee been twenty years since we backstab you Anglos ze las' time? Sacré bleu!") came more pronounced later with France seeking military independence and a status as a nuclear power.

The French continued criticism of US foreign policy in the late 20th century. Lack of moral support for the 9/11 attacks led Americans to rename their French Fries as Freedom Fries.

France did not stop its criticisms of the USA after this incidence though. The Iraq war by Bush was strongly opposed by France.

French Members on SciForums

• Fortunately, none that I know of

Trivia

• Nickelodeon works for a French company, he fits right in
• When it comes to Engineering, the French can be incredibly anal