Baywatch

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Baywatch is the ultimate TV series with action hero David Hasselhoff surrounded by surgically enhanced women. It showed what science could do for tomorrow's society. Women were equipped with internal flotation devices so they could compete with the superior athletic men in a profession that will ask the most of any man's chat up lines.

Real-life lifeguards tend to run some way down the beach then enter the sea at an angle in order to minimise the time taken to reach humans in trouble, and to optimise the angle of attack. By contrast the 'running down the beach' scenes in Baywatch were included solely so that we could gawp in slack-jawed wonder at Pamela Anderson's tits.

Pamela Anderson played the role of CJ in which she portrayed herself as a vulnerable shy girl whose porcelain interior had trouble matching the pornostar physique on the outside.


Deeper levels of Baywatch

  • Baywatch characters liked to have long hot showers in a large communal shower for both men and women in an immoral act against American family values. This display of public sex was compensated by the unwillingness to remove the bathing suites which served as an symbolic act of maintaining Christian values in the modern society filled with temptation.
  • David Hasselhoff played the sympathetic tall handsome man. His appearance was that of an aging clone. Maybe perfect once but genomic defects were adding up fast leading to a premature death. By making him the main character the creators of this series showed their dismay at the technological developments regarding cloning without taking a timeout to think about the moral implications. Baywatch did however and this series sparked off the public debate on cloning leading to a complete ban on cloning in Texas and Guatemala.
  • to offset the silicon inflated value of CJs (Pamela Anderson) tits the producers of this series casted a flat-chested women aptly named Stephanie. Stephanie is the least feminine name possible. She also sported a male haircut. Stephanie had a relationship going on with David Hasselhoff. This relationship puzzled many superficial viewers. Why would David pick a flat-chested boy-girl when surrounded by vulnerable, and therefore easy, porn stars. The answer is rather straightforward. The relationship between Stephanie and David symbolizes the homosexual relationship between two men. The religious and cultural environment of the USA at that time prevented the usage of a real male character as a partner for David. Interestingly David was called Mitch in the show. Mitch is the No.1 homosexual name in the world. In the original scripts the characters were called Mitch (as in Butch) and Stephan.