Kim il Jong

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Kim il-Jong is the lesser-known twin brother of North Korea's infamous Kim Jong-il. il-Jong - or 'Jongy' to his friends - is a fully-qualified plumber and part-time stockbroker living in the village of Snig's End, Gloucestershire, in England. Married for 23 years to his English-born wife, Angela, il-Jong is the father of 18 children, all boys. 14 of these make up the squad of the local amateur football team Snigs End United, who are currently placed a respectable 9th in the Barbara's Tasty Pies Division of the Amateur Football Alliance. il-Jong managed the team between December 1998 and January 1999, but was sacked after the ignominious defeat against local rivals Shurdington, a game which Snig's End lost 373-0.

il-Jong is actively involved in Snig's End politics, and is a prominent member of Snig's End Conservative Party. In May 2005 he was the Conservative candidate in Snig's End's local elections, standing on a platform of:

  • Limited free hot beverages for all at Snig's End Church coffee mornings;
  • Full co-operation with the local constabulary in stamping out littering in Snig's End Park;
  • The erection of a large death camp on Snig's End village green, in which to house and subsequently exterminate Snig's End's students, disabled and unemployed.

il-Jong won the election with an 80% share of the vote. Littering in the local area has now been stamped out and construction of the death camp is well under way.

In his spare time, il-Jong enjoys map-reading, hamsters and bestiality. He has little contact with his famous brother - they fell out in the early 1970s after an argument over some missing Easter eggs.

Friends of Kim il Jong