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Jesus is the messaiah. Full name Jesus H Christ. The Son of Dog conceived by the Virgin Gary who supposedly died for our sins. The Son of Dog was born on Earth around 2,000 years ago. This was a disappointment to Dog, who secretly hoped for a daughter. He was later killed by the Romans although they may or may not have been influenced by special interest groups.

Also a Spanish name pronounced like "hey zeus".

Latest Archeological Findings

"Let's set the historical records straight. Jesus and Mary Magdalene were never a married couple. Through deep archeological research, studying the various manuscripts and evidence presented from the time of Jesus is important. From the vast amounts of analysis on this subject, and the in-depth observation of important ancient material with the use of the scientific method, scientists, historians, and world renound scholars have come to important conclusions. All of the substantial material points to one important fact. That Jesus was indeed Mary Magdalene's pimp. He slapped her many times for not having enough money. Now that we understand the truth, we must pray in gratitude for the great wisdom."[1]

Messianic Inconsequentialities

Stalin, Jesus had feelings too. It's not known whether Jesus was a vegetarian or not but - let's face it - he probably was. Although he did insist that his friends should drink his blood and eat his flesh. Which is a bit dark. In this instance, He is clearly promoting cannibalism.


Jesus was a Republican.

Jesus was a white American (According to most Americans).

Jesus is a Patriot.

Jesus was considered a terrorist by the Romans.

See also



Hero Worship

Dangerous Cults