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GeoffP is a member of SciForums, and the founder of several nihilistic radical movements including Reformed Myuunitarianism and the Axis of GeoffP. He is the Prophet-Godhead of the Myuunitarian religion, as well as being its chief financial officer. He is also the Great Leader of East Korea.


Born to an unknown set of parents in a nondescript country beside an unnamed river in a village that only appears out of the mist for one day in every hundred years, Geoff's past is something of an enigma. Rumoured to be initially an inhabitant of Lancashire, England, his actual origin may range to anywhere on or off the globe - but probably close to a compost heap.

Argumentation and debate

Geoff is known for his subtle, insulting and even titillating wit, flat-trajectory comebacks, introspective irony and devastating one-liners, summarized as the "annoying buzzing fly style". He is personally responsible for driving several of his opponents - and innumerable contributors - off the site from the constant and brutal application of his swift, unyielding logical boots to the head. And lots and lots of trolling.

Geoff's main drive appears to be arguing against political Islamic expression, which frankly only a ninny would defend anyway. His site's work reduced to the inordinately obvious, Geoff prefers to spend his time miring down debates and providing uninvited commentary. Everyone is now eagerly anticipating the moment Geoff drags himself permanently on the ban list, but not more so than Geoff himself.

Notable on his list of political goals, Geoff has been pressing for some time for his installment as moderator of the Cesspool, or indeed of any subforum he can get his greedy hands on. Lacking overt support from the SciCommunity - for obvious reasons - his tactic at present is to break the will of the populace and then surf the ocean of resulting indifference to victory. Also, he harasses James R. He has also advocated for the overthrow of different moderators at different points: superstring99, Samcdkey, spuriousmonkey and Gendanken. And all the other ones. Regrettably, spuriousmonkey did indeed step down following an engineered and completely unfounded scandal; Geoff was in the bathroom at the time.

Scandal and Controversy

Geoff has, at different points, been accused of:

  • unpleasantness [1]
  • anti-Americanism [2]
  • homophobia [3]
  • being an Israeli agent, CIA Operative...or Lizardoid
  • not reading his own sources [[4]]
  • a gentleman and a scholar [[5]]
  • but not once has he been accused of good taste.

Geoff once suggested semiunfatuously that famous ecologist and conservationist Jane Goodall was probably sexually molested by gorillas [6]. Because she probably was, no matter what Fraggle says.

Political Career

Frustrated in his attempts to gain the notoriety of a small group of socially inhibited internet geeks, Geoff has been reduced to the dictatorship a small third-world nation (East Korea), which is widely considered a dead-end post for would-be malevolent world rulers.

GeoffP recently announced his bid for the Presidency of the United States ([7]). Not actually being himself American, his plan for, assumption of the Presidency...involved the use of a small, strategically shaved US chimp.
Although it was a triumphant effort on his part, he was unable to successfully win the election. Analysts attributed the loss to his inability to combat Barack Obama's prolific line of "yes we can" tee-shirts.

The Person
The only known photograph of GeoffP
Geoff is an unapologetically able, tall, tanned brickman of a fellow, with wavy brown hair floating in an omnipresent-yet-unfelt-breeze, a blousy white shirt open at his thickly furred chest and a rugged, square not-quite-shaved-the-day-before jawline. Geoff is able to cook a souffle, change a diaper and build a secluded log cabin (or castle) while rescuing his "heart's burning desire, she of the copper hair and the hazel eyes" barehanded from a raging fire on a raging bear plummeting over a raging waterfall. Or maybe just pulling her out of the lake when she gets a leg cramp. He has never, ever been thanked for the latter - still. He has been known to reduce his wife to incoherency by his manful wood-chopping and his recitation of Keats. Or maybe that was laughter.

He has therefore been rightfully lauded as the "Most Desireable Man on the Planet Earth after the Elephant Man and That Fur-Faced Guy from Beauty and the Beast".

Geoff speaks English, French, and also 'Connery'. Unfortunately for Geoff, his 'Connery' does end up sounding like Cindy Brady with a bad lisp. This sometimes makes him look cute to old ladies, especially when he styles his "wavy brown hair" in pigtails with pink bows.

Geoff has three (!) kids, all of whom are also evil, and a wife, who seems generally evil so far. Could be a bit more evil, I guess. Can't have everything.

A Religious Icon

Geoff currently serves as the iconic representative of an entirely new deity known only as "Myuu" in a religious branch known as "Reformed Myuunitarianism". This death-defying and self-serving god - the perpetually-short-of-cash survivor of a reverse-engineered meme-virus that obliterated a 5-billion year old culture by refusing to take its infected off spam email lists - recently came to this universe ("You are HERE") via methods unknown and probably unlikely.

Myuu proceeded immediately to take control of the brain of its host who, it may be said, needed all the help he could get anyway. In Reformed Myuunitarianism, Myuu speaks in all caps letters, MUCH TO THE ANNOYANCE OF NICKELODEON, WHO CANNOT THINK FOR HEARING THEM RESOUND UNENDINGLY IN HIS HEAD.

Somewhat at odds with "orthodox" Myuunitarianism, the Geoffian Myuu routinely provides his followers - and unlucky passers-by - with elements of speculative worldview, dubiously meritorious personal experience and general life-lessons that should probably not be followed by anyone. Geoff thereby appears to be something of a prophet and vessel to an emergent godling. Myuu, by contrast, is a stripper-chasing, Taurus-driving lowlife.

GeoffP is a sekrit Israeli agent trained in hasbara and gefilte fish [[8]].

The Future

Geoff's vision of his future is as yet unresolved, but involves something that concerns his underrunning desire for personal power, such as a politician, High Court judge or loan shark. However, Geoff is available for any scenario involving large amounts of skimmable money and relatively little responsibility, such as oil-for-food schemes.

Of course, Geoff has no future.

Update: Geoff has just made Assistant Professor at an Eastern school, where he will apparently be teaching "Defense Against the Dark Arts". Woo hoo! No more snails. Now he has to deal with other, more annoying organisms: like competing professors in grant applications. Geoff has taken a turn from the easy, slow decline to senescence and death right back onto the fucking highway of tenure-chasing hell and constant, unending grant-writing. Hey, way to go, shithead.


  • GeoffP drinks Brian Foley's pee
  • Geoff likes to take the piss out of people who name-drop Gandhi [[9]] yet, perversely, thinks he's "just like Gandhi" [10]
  • GeoffP joined the REDARMY DIKTAT Redarmy Diktat! but never actually obeyed anyone. Fucking Trotskyite splinter
  • GeoffP is mortally afraid of icepicks
  • When not engaged with nimrods and miscreants, GeoffP likes to argue with walls. They still refuse to give in.
  • GeoffP is mentally unstable
  • GeoffP is a bastard
  • GeoffP is the greatest man alive in the room he is currently occupying, as long as its empty.
  • GeoffP plays Return To Castle Wolfenstein but cheats like a bastard. Meh. It's not as bad as with absane though who is a camper. That's pretty much comparable to the job of gassing Jews.
  • GeoffP is the leader of East Korea
  • GeoffP is a sekrit Israeli agent trained in hasbara and gefilte fish.
  • GeoffP hates his in-laws [[11]] [[12]] because they're unbelievably petty. Willing to let it go, of course, but it turns up like a bad penny.


  1. GeoffP [pers. comm.]
  2. The Big Book of GeoffP (Rosie O'Donnell)
  3. The GeoffP Annual Manual (Ted Koppel)
  4. The Joy of Cooking GeoffP (Samcdkey)
  5. GeoffP's Guide to DIY, Carp Fishing and Making BIG, BIG Profits from eBay (Jim Cramer)
  6. Geoff: The Song of Ages; A Reflective Look at the Scientific Contributions and Social Narrative of GeoffP (S.J. Gould)
  7. GeoffP: Hitchensian Mastermind? Or Wrongful, Evil anti-Gandhist? (C. Hitchens; NewsWeek, 22 May 2007)
  8. The Complete Idoit's Guide to GeoffP (R. Spencer)
  9. Geoffp for Dummies (H. Fitzgerald)
  10. Butternall's History of GeoffP (5th ed) - By Butternall (obviously)
  11. Trust Me, I'm A Doctor: Seven Secrets of Highly Effective Ruthlessly Ambitious GPs (GeoffP)
  12. The Rise and Fall of GeoffP (S. King)
  13. The 50 most venerable parts of GeoffPs' body. (fiction)
  14. Learn to Speak the Language of Love. By GeoffP. (Autobiography)
  15. The Second Ghandi (Autobiography)
  16. Learning to fly with nothing more than two kittens. By Sir Bob Geldof. (Biography)
  17. My unforgetable night with GeoffP and his 8mm camera (Paris Hilton)
  18. GeoffP on GeoffP - Through the Looking Glass Autobiographically: A Conversation of One. (Random House)
  19. Salty Rain: All you need to know on masturbation and things you didn't want to know (GeoffP and Dick Cheney)
  20. My life as a Muslim (GeoffP: short autobiography)
  21. My night inside Paris Hilton - a hotel travel guide (GeoffP)
  22. Polite discourse and contemporary argumentation (GeoffP)
  23. Unraveling the mysteries of wikification (GeoffP)
  24. A short guide to the installation of aquatic lazer systems (GeoffP)
  25. East Korea: Armpit of the Meso-Temperate Orient (GeoffP)
  26. The Third Gandhi (Autobiography)
  27. Bilateral Symmetry and Modern Happeh Theory (GeoffP and S.J. Gould)
  28. Help, I'm being held Captive by GeoffP! (Un-named victim)
  29. Wait, Everything is Fine Now...<Drool> (Un-named new Myuunitarian)
  30. Myuu's Travels in America For Make Cultural Misunderstanding and General Chaos (GeoffP)
  31. The Bumps and the Darkness: A Close Examination of Uranus (GeoffP)
  32. GeoffP and the Deathly Hallows (J.K. Rowling)
  33. 15 lessons for Jesus (Pope Benedict XVI)
  34. The Son I never Knew (God)
  35. If I can't have sex with him I'd rather slit my wrists and marry Brad Pitt. (Angelina Jolie)
  36. If I can't have sex with him I'd rather slit my wrists and marry Brad Pitt II. (John Travolta)
  37. How I spurned spuriousmonkey to elope with GeoffP. (Autobiography; Jessica Alba)
  38. How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Bombs: Practical Dictatorship in the 21st Century (GeoffP: Self-help)
  39. A Beginners Guide to Nuclear Plowing' (Spuriousmonkey)
  40. A practical guide to massaging Jessica Alba (GeoffP)
  41. The Art of War A picturebook by GeoffP.
  42. 500 semen samples - the coffee table book of semen (GeoffP and Peewee Herman)
  43. How I survived 35 CIA assassination attempts (GeoffP: East Korean Times, Sept 1 2007)
  44. The Fourth Gandhi (GeoffP: Random House)
  45. I Met A Man Upon The Stair: A Secret History of The Secret Funding of East Korea by the CIA (Dan Rather) [banned in East Korea]
  46. Why We Should Invade East Korea and Convert Them To Christianity; Or Better Yet, Just Shoot Them All (Ann Coulter)
  47. The Fifth, Sixth, Seventh and Eight Ghandi. (the Ninth Ghandi)
  48. One Hundred Ghandis on the Wall' (Puffin Books)
  49. Technical discourse on Nuclear Plowing - vol.1-23
  50. SWFLBATTH Technical Drawings (De-classified Documents).
  51. East Korea, the Geoff state (USS Enterprise-B)
  52. About the Members Round 7: Varda <>
  53. Hey there's a wart on my willy! (Short Autobiography)
  54. The Tao of Geoff (GeoffP)