Dolphin

Dolphins are lovely mammals often mistaken for fish, but taste like pork.

Dolphins and Sex

Dolphins are said to be one of the few species that have sex for pleasure - the others being humans and Bonobos. All other animals have sex extremely sombrely, usually frowning in concentration, in acknowledgment of their historical duty to maximise the survival chances of their particular species.

Only kidding. Creatures of all creeds and colours are equally partial to a good, hard fuck. Except tuna, who prefer the inestimably greater dignity of external fertilization. (See also invert_nexus.)

Interestingly it is not easy to have sex in water. It is very similar (allegedly) to having sex in zero gravity. There is nothing to hold on too or to support yourself for some serious thrusting. Occasionally a third dolphin helps out in this difficult process of supportless sex. It's not known whether male dolphins are prone to fantasizing about such a scenario.

Ironically it is extremely easy to have sex in water. Most species do it without any trouble. Most species just squirt sperm into the sea, creating the largest deposit of semen, known as the ocean, and then the females squirt their eggs into the water. or alternatively prokaryotes don't even use sperm or eggs. Only the arrogant dolphin turns it into a porn show.

Dolphins and Sleep

Sleeping is a problem for dolphins because breathing is under voluntary control. During sleep the dolphin therefore shuts off only half its brain.

Douglas Adams on Dolphins

"It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - while all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reason.

Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending destruction of the planet Earth and had made many attempts to alert mankind to the danger; but most of their communications were misinterpreted as assuming attempts to punch footballs or whistle for tidbits, so they eventually gave up and left the Earth by their own means shortly before the Vogons arrived.

The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backward somersault through a hoop while whistling the "Star-Spanngled Banner", but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.

In fact there was only one species on the planet more intelligent than dolphins, and they spent a lot of their time in behavioral research laboratories running round inside wheels and conducting frighteningly elegant and subtle experiments on man. The fact that once again man completely misinterpreted this relationship was entirely according to these creatures' plans." - see Mice.

By Douglas Adams (1952-2001)