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What can one say about Belgium? Besides the perversion, that is Belgium? You mean there's another 'Low Country'? You've got to be kidding me. We just did the Netherlands, for God's sake! Is it any different? Less submerged or something? Oh fine, fine then: Belgium.

But there better not be any more.

Belgium is a Low Countries Kingdom - similar to another nation we're not going to name here, but whose name sounds an awful lot like the "Nether regions". It is divided into two parts which speak a different language, but in addition to having Dutch speakers (reason enough, if you ask some people) also has French and German. Great. Most such nations would have already sensibly devolved into a vicious civil war by this point, but the Belgies still stubbornly refuse to settle their trivial differences with the traditional bloodshed; to their credit, however, much of the self-defining nature of Belgium is still grounded in historical brutality. [1] One is forced to wonder at the oversight required not to have a national language like everyone else. Lazy, really.

Belgium is named for Gallia Belgica (Lat: "impudent locals") and marks one of the furthest points of the Roman advance, probably for the reason that the inhabitants wore out the Legionnaires with their incessant babbling. Belgium has been dubbed the "cockpit of Europe" [2], but most observers usually just shorten this to the "pit of Europe". Sometimes "armpit". Depends on the speaker, and the social situation.

Belgium is probably the weirdest country in Europe besides Albania, which is saying something.

An estimated 98% of the country is literate, probably in two languages, and have no compunction about shoving in your face. Hmph. They have a well-structured and fair social system, which is even more annoying. Also, they share a border with the Dutch. Like I said, reason enough.

Right, that's it. I'm getting a beer.

Belgium Factoids

  • It's there.
  • Belgium makes the best chocolate[3].
  • Brussels is there.
  • Belgians abroad love to be mistaken for being French. Unless the next action of the mistaker is to kick them.
  • Belgian chocolate may be the best in the World.
  • Belgians produce less waste than the British[4].
  • Belgians dance on the graves of their dead grandmothers. Because they all do. TDI

Famous Belgians