United States of America

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terrorists should report to the nearest authority.
Also known as the United States of Whatever or Jesusland [1]

The United States of America, or the USA, is a plutocratic theocracy located between Canada and Mexico. They also lay claim to several defenseless Pacific and Atlantic islands. It is SciForums's favourite rug.

The size of the USA is constantly changing, depending on which countries they are occupying at the time. Currently Iraq and Afghanistan have been annexed, and Iran is next.


Inhabitants of the USA are called Americans, except for the billions of Mexicans pouring over the border. In response, the USA has proposed building a wall to keep the filthy vermin out and to keep the illegal Mexicans already in the USA inside their country so they can wash dishes and shovel shit.

An American is a specimen of the human species which is maybe not the fattest in the world but almost.
They also like to buy stuff like iPods and SUVs. When possible they send out their armed forces to kill some children in some third world country. Americans, unlike the rest of the World, have freedom and the moral support of the real God. Americans live in America. America is not to be confused with the continent of America although Americans like to believe they have the right to install or dispose of any government in any country of this continent that interfere with free trade and American interests. America has troops in over 130 countries, for "protection".
See Also - Mafia

It upsets Americans if their nation is criticized. So much so that they forget how to spell words[2]. Someone has to get upset, it is aftyer all the gretestes nation on Earth. They also seek to look up IP's and trace them, planning the next death by aspiration of vomit.

Americans are a lot like North Koreans: they both like killing people with guns

American Civil War

Main article: American civil war

Popular Culture

A fraternity party, one of the most popular of American popular culture icons

Since Americans prove unable to contribute anything to proper culture, they concentrate on popular culture instead, bringing the world the delights of Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake.


  • In the past few years, Mexicans have been transported by the busload to handle the enormous construction boom that has infested the entire downtown Miami. For years now, cranes have filled the skyline as death tolls rise on construction sites to build these glorious palaces.
  • The USA is the land of milk and honey - unfortunately it is Bee Milk and Cow Honey
  • The streets of the USA really are paved with gold.
  • Everyone wants to live in the USA, especially the people who say they don't.
  • The USA is the greatest country in the world.
  • by far
  • British people don't like us because they're still sore over the whole revolutionary war thing. Luckily the British government is corrupted enough to be USA's sockpuppet.
  • God trusts in the USA, even when the US dollar is weak.
  • The US dollar is the official currency in Heaven really.
  • Everyone who dies for the USA goes to Heaven.
  • People in the USA call pavements sidewalks. This is because Americans are all too fat to negotiate pavements in the normal manner.
  • Everyone else hates the USA because they are envious.
  • Captain America was assassinated in a cowardly manner because he was a foreign insurgent. [3]
  • Americans are incredibly ignorant[4]
  • American soldiers regularly steal soccerballs from Iraqi children[5].
  • Americans enjoy waving their flags.
  • Americans are proud of their constitution.
  • Americans are proud to be the fat assed envy of the world.
  • The favourite sport of an average American is watching TV. These Americans are called couch potatoes.
  • Americans will fight to the death to protect their country and invade any other country that has oil.
  • Everyone wishes they were an American.
  • Jesus Christ is a white American, contrary to popular belief.
  • American flag producers are always lobbying to support flag burning organizations because they are the true patriots that support the American economy.
  • Everyone in America wants to be an American, especially Americans.
  • Americans are very poor at geography[6].


  1. My life in service of the USA (Saddam Hussein) [Autobiography]
  2. Enemy of my Enemies' Enemy (The Taliban)
  3. My wonderful life in the USA (Osama Bin Laden) [Autobiography]
  4. The Greatest Country in the World (Ann Coulter)
  5. Baath Party leaflet
  6. Iranian Information Ministry
  7. SAGA Holiday Brochure
  8. CNN
  9. MTV
  10. The Holy Bible
  11. Allah
  12. Drug induced hallucinations
  13. This dude:


Americans on SciForums

"Go forth and kill my pretties!"