Rum

From Science Encyclopedia

But what about the rum?

Rum is a form of obnoxiously mindless alcoholic fluid coveted by pirates. Rum is responsible for poorly drawn tattoos, fetal alcoholic bastard children, and the extermination of the majority of Central America's indigenous population. Rum is considered a worldwide plague upon mankind, but nobody pursues the cause to eliminate it because they all have a little captain in em'.

The main ingredient that composes rum is slave harvested sugar products, which are eventually distilled, aged within wooden barrels, then poured into bottles.

Surprisingly, nearly 100% of it manages to reach the many liquor stores, pubs, casinos, and cruise ships of the world despite the constant threat of being stolen by pirates.......but not for lack of trying. As fortune would have it, pirates are complete retards when it comes to stealing freight from modern non-wind powered ocean vessels.