Ninjitsu
From Science Encyclopedia
Ninjitsu is the art of being a Ninja. It involves mastering a set of fighting techniques, survival skills, principles of stealth, shitting your own pants, and cowardice.
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History
It is no surprise that the history of ninjitsu is shrouded in mystery and the smell of poop. As far as anyone knows, ninjitsu probably manifested itself at the same time ninjas first appeared, and has developed over the ages into a totally devastating martial art (for your pants) and a boon to the dry cleaning industry.
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Ninja skills
It is essential for individuals who wish to become awesome to master the following set of proficiencies:
- Tiptoeing
- Doing cool looking ninja poses
- Sneaking
- Whispering
- Poisoning people
- Climbing walls
- Escaping
- Throwing shuriken at people
- Disappearing (both with and without smoke)
- Hiding in trees
- Jumping upwards
- Using a blowgun
- Killing samurai (and occasionally pirates when bored)
- Using nunchucks
- Assassinating
- Sepuku
- squirting poop into your pants
Most ninjitsu students train for at least 6 years, and are tested thoroughly before being permitted to do any professional ninja-ing.
- Footnote: Black costume fancy dress optional; ghey mask mandatory.
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Trivia
- Ninjitsu is second to Ninjaism in awesomeness
