Ninjas vs. Pirates

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The Ninjas vs. Pirates controversy has sparked many flame-wars on the internet. One group of people claim that ninjas are superior to pirates. The other groups believe pirates reign supreme in all areas.

The pirate vs ninja debate can also be seen as an allegory for for capitalism vs. socialism [1]. Ninjas were essentially pissed off farmers. Workers rising against their feudal warlords. Marx's proletariat revolting. Pirates, on the other hand, rely on their own prowess and strength to take what others have through sheer cunning and force [2].

Pointless Argument

Why do people argue about who is better. There's no point because there are always going to be someone out there who likes ninjas or vice versa, so there's no real point in arguing. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I absolutely respect that. Not sure any of you disrespectful pirate lovers will agree with me, a ninja, but, I'm just saying, there's no real point.

Just think about it, when your not drunk, then you might see what I mean. But if you don't agree with me, I typed out why I think ninjas are better.

Why Pirates Think They Have Deadly Aim Against Ninjas

They believe their drunkenness helps when shooting ninjas because ninjas instinctively dodge before checking to see how the pirate is wobbling. They assume pulling the trigger and missing where the ninja originally was ends up striking wherever the ninja dodged to. As history has proven however, their lack of aim tends to kill other pirates or themselves. This is why you get a 'shot' of whiskey [3].

Typically, pirates supporters are less likely to be disillusioned by the hypes of Anime and Movies. After all, pirates supporters do not use things like "I can kick a ninja's ass from 3 miles because I can stretch my legs that far." (reference to One Piece). Ninjas? Hardly can say the same.

Summary of Arguments in Favour of Pirates

  • Pirates are cool
  • Ninjas wear pygamas
  • Pirates on the other hand are drunk and use two shot pistols [4]
  • Pirates get more men on long voyages [5]
  • Pirates have so much treasure that they have to bury it [6]

Why Ninjas Thinks Pirates Are Scared Of Them

  • Ninjas are silent and invisible. Only a ninja can kill another ninja (if only pirates weren't so pathetic!)
  • Ninjas wear pyamas
  • Ninjas know the meaning of honour, respect, and cool... they do the complete opposite
  • Ninjas are good in bed.
  • When shot at, ninjas can dodge the bullets, or catch them and throw the bullets back at their enemy, which is utterly pointless because ninjas prefer shuriken
  • Ninjas are respected by everyone as masters of assassination
  • Ninjas can be mature and serious and funny at the same time.
  • And ninjas are just, to put it simply, super awesome!
  • Pirates can not beat bears [7], but ninjas can


  1. "Ninjas vs Pirates" <>

See Also