Muttonitus

From Science Encyclopedia

Muttonitus is a common form of dementia. This incurable, degenerative, and terminal disease was first described by British muttonologist Ed Gimply in 1927. Generally it is diagnosed in people over 16 years of age, although the less-prevalent early-onset muttonitus can occur much earlier. An estimated 12 million people worldwide were afflicted with muttonitus in 2007.

Although each sufferer experiences muttonitus in a unique way, there are many common symptoms. The earliest observable symptoms are often mistakenly thought to be 'smug condescension', or manifestations of complacency. In the early stages, the most commonly recognized symptom is thinking of everyone as conformist automatons (colloquially known as fucking sheep).
When a doctor or physician has been notified, and muttonitus is suspected, the diagnosis is usually confirmed using a battery of tests, often followed by an anal probe if available. As the disease advances, symptoms include lengthy diatribes, long-term crotchetiness, and a really annoying tertiary stage where everybody is considered cattle instead of sheep. Gradually, bodily functions shut down, leading to death.