Cricket

Although some people want to make you believe cricket is a strange game invented in England, it is actually an animal invented by god (of you are a religious nutter) or evolution (if you are a nutter without faith). It's known for making tjirpie sounds. Listening to crickets is so boring that they named a sport after it, cricket.

The "sport" of cricket

Cricket is a strange game invented in England which involves hitting a hard ball (often thrown with considerable force) with a special plank of wood called a "bat", then usually running from one assemblage of three upright pieces of wood (individually called "stumps", collectively called a "wicket") to an indistinguishable assemblage of wood some distance away, repeating this process many times in the average game.

If this makes cricket sound unqiuely tedious, that's because it is. It is the favourite sport of stamp-collectors everywhere and the televising of cricket matches has been condemned by the UN as a form of torture. It has been banned in several countries for this very reason. cf. Football.

Cricketing nations include Australia, New Zealand, England, India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, South Africa and Zimbabwe. Oh, and Canada. Heh. Bhaha. Bhahahahaaahahaha. BWAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHA! *cough* Ahem. Excuse me.

Probably the most famous contest in cricket is the battle for the "Ashes", played between Australia and England. The magnificient trophy which is so eagerly sought in this contest is at least several inches tall, and possibly contains some ashes from a stump burnt over 100 years ago, though nobody knows for sure.

Not all people call cricket a sport since mostly the players stand around doing nothing, in fact, are not playing.

Cricket facts

• Crickets usually have 6 legs unless you rip one or a few of its legs out.