In all aspects of life the amount of confidence you have the greater control you have over what happens to you.

Social interaction is all about having control. If you confidently assert your opinions you will be listened to and appreciated, even if your opinions are flawed. The truth is everything everyone says is flawed and can be critiqued and analyzed and made fun of. If you are not confident, you are bound to be ridiculed and analyzed because it is easy to pick on people who arent confident in themselves. Confidence in what you say, gives you power over conversations, lets you better control what people think of you, and automatically makes you noticed.

This is the key to becoming popular is being confident. People will automatically respect you, because if you don't doubt yourself, others will not as readily doubt you. Even if you are called out on something, if you are confident you will be able to dismiss it and acknowledge its insignificance.

Now the tricky part is how to become confident. I personally believe that you either are or aren't. I don't believe in free will. People need to accept who they are, and in this process they gain whatever degree of confidence is in their potential. How do you become confident and accept who you are? This is the hardest for the people who are naturally shy and not confident. So its like being stabbed twice. You are innately a loser, and because you are a loser it is nearly impossible to accept that fact, because after all, who wants to be a loser!

Life sucks.

Confidence is only a factor in the equasion. You've got to be with IT also... IT = perspective, and the ability to adapt to the environment in which you're in... and work it in your favour. Things such as a sense of humor and general knowledge come into play also.

- Shifty Russian
www.WhoMakesYouSick.com ... Tell the world

You are innately a loser

lol, i bet i know what country you live in.
Which is good news for you. Because it means you are not a loser, you just live around a culture who value confidence above all else. It would take a certain amount of faith in the correctness of your own culture to believe that and beat yourself up for not fitting in.
But there's no need to, the world is an amazing place. Move, even if it's just seeing another place as home in your head. You needn't come home to that kindof disrespect for who you really are.

In all aspects of life the amount of confidence you have the greater control you have over what happens to you.

Social interaction is all about having control. If you confidently assert your opinions you will be listened to and appreciated, even if your opinions are flawed. The truth is everything everyone says is flawed and can be critiqued and analyzed and made fun of. If you are not confident, you are bound to be ridiculed and analyzed because it is easy to pick on people who arent confident in themselves. Confidence in what you say, gives you power over conversations, lets you better control what people think of you, and automatically makes you noticed.

This is the key to becoming popular is being confident. People will automatically respect you, because if you don't doubt yourself, others will not as readily doubt you. Even if you are called out on something, if you are confident you will be able to dismiss it and acknowledge its insignificance.

Now the tricky part is how to become confident. I personally believe that you either are or aren't. I don't believe in free will. People need to accept who they are, and in this process they gain whatever degree of confidence is in their potential. How do you become confident and accept who you are? This is the hardest for the people who are naturally shy and not confident. So its like being stabbed twice. You are innately a loser, and because you are a loser it is nearly impossible to accept that fact, because after all, who wants to be a loser!

Life sucks.

There is a fair amount of truth in what you say but your view is much too narrow to fit the real world.

In the first place, you are totally ignoring something highly valuable called cooperation and the great rewards it often delivers. Just two people working in conjunction with each other can develop/produce more than the two working independently. A crude but simple and clear example: moving a long, heavy ladder.And the same principle applies to many, many other facets of everyday life and work.

Confidence alone is NO guarantee of success in anything. Success also requires healthy doses of intelligence, information and skill. Just look as some of the people on the forums, like Buddha1, Rabon, and Duendy (and some others less notable). They all exhibit great confidence in what they say yet all are lacking in the three areas I just listed. And Duendy in particular also has horrible communications skills. That will not lead to popularity or success in persuading people in any form or fashion.

You are somewhat correct about people having natural leadership skills, which you simply call "confidence." But those are different qualities. Again, just a single factor - your "confidence" is not enough as I just explained.

And to your position on "free will", that is also flawed. While it's true that some people seem to be natural-born leaders (or learned the principles while very young) does in no way prove that is the only way to acquire such skills. Many people have rudimentary forms of it and training can hone and improve those skills. And by the same token, they can be ignored and allowed to atrophy.

So by simply keying in on a single aspect of social interaction, you've actually missed the boat completely by ignoring other, just as important, elements.

A final example illustrate the fallacy of confidence alone. That has been the reason for the failure of many inventors who attempt to build perpetual motion machines. They are confident that it can be done. There have been numerous prospectors that have gone completely broke because they were confident there was gold to be found just over the next hill.

I'll stop there because I'm sure you can see the point by now. :)

A self-confident person can afford to be quiet. Nothing to assert unless asked. Sometimes this looks like shyness but really it is the confrontation that is being avoided not because they are not confident but because they dont want to get mauled by over-confident people. Often I have thought that the shyest person in the room was the most astute.

peace

c20

A self-confident person can afford to be quiet. Nothing to assert unless asked. Sometimes this looks like shyness but really it is the confrontation that is being avoided not because they are not confident but because they dont want to get mauled by over-confident people. Often I have thought that the shyest person in the room was the most astute.

peace

c20

An excellent point, C20. And I can give you one true-life example of that. Before I do, I think it would be good to point out that not all battles are even worth fighting and that's often why the best thinker of the group simply remains silent and listens.

I was in a meeting once that the department head had called. The purpose was to try and discover if we were on the right track with a special developmental project.

A number of overly-confident people were practically bubbling over with exuberance as to how well it was currently going. A few even insisted this was the only way to proceed.

The real leader of the group (the Dept. head) said very little and allowed the crowd to rave on. Later, near the very end of the meeting, he calmly announced that we'd be taking an entirely different tack. There was no choice but to follow his lead - and the results were astounding! There was a lot of crow to be eaten later and you hardly heard a word from those "confident" people. ;)

good points guys

there are always people who will talk foolishly. Saying whats on your mind is one thing, but you should always think before you talk.

I don't know about the popularity in this equation since you can be confident and be completely repulsive at the same time.

And if you are really confident you don't keep quiet if you don't know something. You just have the balls to admit you don't know. And if you make a mistake you admit to that too. That is confidence.

confidence=women=great nights=ecstasy.

.

later
Rick

I'm seen as quiet, i am not, i simply choose not to be compelled to always open my trap.
When i do i prefer to be concise, and know what i am to say, rather than speaking any gibberish that enters my head.

Confidence is the ability to do something in a calculated manner without anything standing in your way.
Just do not over-calculate things or else you get paranoid.
Thats one of the issues i personally face is paranoia, i think things through then possibilitys enter my head like extreme doubts, the line is thin between knowing what to do or say and over-calculation/paranoia.