Every couple of years, my family switches mobile phones. A couple years ago, I resisted this because I dislike the things in general; I didn't see the need to fork over money for a newer, weaker version of what I already had. (Really, the best phones I've encountered are old technology that came free with the plan; a friend's old Nokia, my old Sanyo, &c.) But last year, shortly after Christmas, I lost my phone in the snow. Looks like I needed a new one. So I ended up with a Lotus, by LG. It's a well-marketed phone, turning up here and there in prominent places in various CBS crime dramas.° But the thing about the Lotus is that, as a phone, it sucks. It's user interface is extremely weak, and is designed to compel the user to buy things. Additionally, its antenna is comparatively weak; the phone roams far more than my old one did, and in places where I know my carrier has a strong signal. And basic computer functions, like the calculator, have been rendered completely useless in favor of style or a pretense of originality°. So my brother's smartphone is worn and weatherbeaten; my mother is complaining about her phone; suddenly it is decided that my disdain for the Lotus UI and antenna mean I need a new phone, too. So I got a new phone. And a new plan. I mean, if you're going to carry a Blackberry, you need internet access, right? Nifty. A Blackberry Curve and network access. And Christmas hasn't even started. Really, that's just something we do. A developing family ritual. How ... quaint. So today I found myself at the store, wandering through the electronics aisle. My mother has dropped a hint in my ear: my daughter wants a Nintendo DS, and they're on sale nearby. And there I am, arguing with myself whether to do this or follow my original, alternate plan. And this is a plan that took some talking myself into, since I don't like the technology involved. Finally, I decide to get the DS; as a parent, I don't want to have to be policing this thing, though—you know, she can't take it to school, and all that sort of thing. So I call her mother to get a second opinion. "But I'm getting her a DS!" she protests. Well, that settles the question, right? So I turn back to the cases, take a deep breath, and prepare to buy an XBox. My mom and brother like to update phones; I see no reason to not update my kid's game deck. After all, video games are a sort of bonding affair for my daughter and me; she likes me to help her solve some games, or she sits back and watch me play others. It's a great way to talk to children about violence and profanity and all those awkward things parents don't like to talk to their kids about. Sure, it's hard to explain the bit with the hookers in GTA: San Andreas, and there's not exactly anyone I can turn to at various times and say, "Dude! Look at my daughter pimping her bitches like a proppa daddy!" But I digress .... The sales clerk tried to upsell me, and it worked well enough, sort of. He pointed out that a lot of people have been returning the XBox Arcade because it apparently has no substantial storage. And when I'm standing there looking at the next price point, well, why would I go with the XBox? So I spent a shitload and walked out with a PS3, a couple of games, and also a game for the DS. But while I'm waiting in line to buy the stuff, my brother returns a call and I ask him about his former PS3; last time I bought the bare-bones PS2, and the instructions advised against using any of the nifty peripheral and network features. Turns out his girlfriend bought him a new PS3 for his birthday, to replace the one that was stolen in the most bizarre B&E I've ever heard of.° This is one of the most electronic Christmases I've ever seen. Phone accessories, DS carriers, game decks, software ... I have yet to leave the electronics section for any of my shopping. It's a bit strange. _____________________ Notes: ° CBS crime dramas — They're all over the place on CBS. NCIS: Chris O'Donnell carried one in the crossover episodes; NCIS Los Angeles: As O'Donnell needed a smartphone, his boss, Hetty, now carries a Lotus; Criminal Minds: Frankie Muniz's dead girlfriend carried a Lotus, which figured prominently in the plot; I've seen a few others well-placed in the frame on extras, as well. ° rendered completely useless in favor of style or a pretense of originality — You can only add so many items on the Lotus calculator before it fills up. This is ridiculous, as the one thing I used my calculator for was to keep a running total of what I was spending at the grocery store, and usually I buy more than six or seven items. ° the most bizarre B&E I've ever heard of — No forced entry; the spare key was used and taken. The thief stole the PS3 and all the games, which were not exactly neatly stacked on the coffee table. He also went down to the basement and secured a small cardboard box to carry everything. But in the course of finding all the games upstairs, he passed over unactivated credit cards. He opted against the flatscreen television (too much to carry), but also left the DVD library untouched, including the three flip-book volumes of "archive copies". And, in the most bizarre thing I've ever seen, the pipe and dope in the drawer were left alone, as was the liquor. Even if you don't stop to look in the drawers, how do you pass by the twenty bottles of booze in plain view next to the ten thousand dollars worth of credit cards? High-end scotch and bourbon (or, presuming a youthful offender, Jack Daniel's, which we keep around for the inevitable mixing even though Dickel #12 works better), good vodka, and more than a few flavored liquers that don't make a damn bit of sense among that collection? 'Twas the damnedest thing.
At least you didn't buy her coal. Or is that for another holiday ? (I've never celebrated christmas, So I wouldn't know). Seeing as most games are geared towards a male audience, a new ipod, or another electronic accessory would have been better. For non electronic stuff, what would you have gotten her ?
Drugs ... oh, her ... um ... yeah, you know ... just ... normal stuff, I guess Theoretically, there's still time for that. Books, clothes, a guitar to replace her old broken one. I just think it's strange that there are so many electronic things flying around. My mother is getting a Kindle; my brother's girlfriend just got a Nook; I bought video games today for two different platforms. On the plus side, at least I'm not bitching about Christmas itself. This is the year in which I've decided there's no point to it. Plenty of drugs helps. Drugs and electronics. Hey, my holiday season is set.
The Crammer, and other notes Let us add to the list an iPod (mine), a digital camera (brother's girlfriend), a strange children's toy called a "Crammer" (my daughter), and the crown jewel this year—which took me completely by surprise—a Dell tower with both Windows and OSX partitions. That latter is fun—unstable as hell right now—but I always need an excuse to learn more about how these damn things work. To the other, though, simple gifts like dolls and paper books did make their way under the tree this year. Still, though, it's been a very digital Christmas.
