Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question." Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln." Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home." Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first. Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King." Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go." Johnny is even madder than before. Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy." Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave." Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions. When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!" The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
Little Johnny is sitting on a park bench with his lap full of candy bars. He has chocolate all over his face and fingers. An old man sits down next to him and says: "You know little boy, it's not healthy to eat that much candy." Little Johnny replies "You know, My grandpa lived to be 110 years old!" "Did he eat that many candy bars per day?" Asks the old man. "No" replies Johnny, "He minded his own fucking business!"
Little johnny see's his sister Little Suzy naked for the first time. He turns and asks his dad "Daddy, Why does little Suzy look different from me?" Daddy says "Oh well, that's where god hit her with a golden ax!" Johnny replies: "Well Jesus Christ, he hit her right in the cunt!"
