Me and my wife have come to a decision to pursue adopting. We allready have a 5 yo girl and we both grew up with siblings and do not want our daughter to grow up w/o a sibling of her own. It took a very long for my wife to get pregnant even with the help of certain medication to make her more fertile. We have decided to seek a young child in their very early years. She has done some research because she networks with some adopting agencies through her employer, she came to find out certain races are easier to adopt than others. Why? I do not care if the child is green or purple as long the child is healthy but I hinted an African-American boy. Is this frowned upon? We are Caucasion and I feel giving an African-American child the oppertunity to be in a stable, caring and loving enviroment allowing the child to become something of themself would make me feel like a great father. Having a son to watch football, play catch, go fishing, get dirty working on cars or the house is a dream of most fathers to have with their son. I love my daughter so so much that it sometimes scares me that she would be alone after me and her mother pass if she does not have a family of her own at the time. Does anyone out there have input on this? Love to hear experiences, tips and even opinions.
Yes, due to a couple of forces converging, the number of Afro-American children available for adoption is disproportionate to Euro-American children. One force is the poverty and family fragmentation in the Afro-American community, leaving more lost children. The other is the preference of adoptive parents for children who resemble them in appearance. Disclaimer: I am not a parent. Nonetheless I have lived for 66 years with my eyes open so perhaps I have seen more things than you have. The honest answer to your question is: maybe. You will definitely encounter some people who disapprove of your choice. Depending on where you live you may even meet some who have the temerity to speak disrespectfully to you. You won't let this bother you because parents have all kinds of nifty endorphins that get them through screaming and diarrhea and exhaustion, so a few redneck retards won't even slow you down. You know your own friends and colleagues better than I do, but I can't imagine that any of them are going to give you a hard time. The bottom line is that in most cities in the United States today, you will not be remarkable. If you live in a small town you'll have to judge your own neighbors. Most of your friends will be supportive, and if one of them has any unresolved antiquated racist feelings leftover from his own parents, they will be extinguished when he sees that adorable little boy and your beaming faces. Yes but you would feel the same way about a Euro-American child, right? Forget the color of his skin, just forget it. Obviously the adoption process is a meat grinder and you won't be allowed to forget it right now, but when it's over remember what Ras Tafari Makonen (Haile Selassie) said: "The color of a man's skin is no more important than the color of his eyes." Do everything you can to avoid thinking about that child as any kind of hyphenated-American, so he won't grow up thinking of himself that way. He's a plain unhyphenated American, just like you are. Whether it's adoption or natural childbirth, you should only have a child out of love, not fear. Have this child only because you and your wife both want to have this child, not because of any ulterior purpose he may serve. Once again, this is something you don't want to have dangling around in your mind, because you can't help passing it along to him unconsciously. He is your son, not your daughter's emergency family. These days in America one-child families are common and the children survive all kinds of misfortunes. Frankly, if you want all of your children better prepared to deal with emotional crises, PLEASE make sure they grow up with a dog. Every child should have one. They fill a space in the human heart that cannot be filled by anything else. You'll do fine. Good luck, and keep us posted!
I'm 23, single, no family yet or anything like that, but I'd think if I had to choose to adopt, I would do it to provide an otherwise parentless child with a family and a loving home. You should do it for the child, and do it for the child alone. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but red flags fling up in my mind when I read how you want to feel like a great father, and have a son to do great things with, and, while that's all well and good, it feels like the child's perspective is a little ignored. Granted, I assume it would be difficult to see that perspective from the eyes of a soon-to-be adopted child if one was never in such a position, and so I can't exactly blame you. This just means you should do as much homework as you can so you can learn as much as you can about how an adopted child would see you and your existing family. Then again, I don't know what I'm talking about. Find someone who does! Set up a meeting with a counselor or something.
tons of reasons u adopt a teenage child and see how much of a connection you would get out of it.. as for the OP definatly adopt, just so happens i was adopted at 2 weeks. i am a mix white/black and had 2 caucasion parents and grew up in iowa, when my parents told me i had a few questions and was completely fine with it. it was a great experience and i have nothing but good things to say about it.. if you have any more in depth questions for me just shoot me a mail if you dont want to ask on here
I have 2 kids and I love them dearly if I was to do it again I would adopt yes A dog or a cat they give you less of a head ache and are allwayd glad to see you. Sorry for being synical but that is the way it is in my oppion. And as for a Other then white child into a white family I am going to asume that is the way it is that child will be rididculed and picked on through out school unless people know he is adopted. PS I am Canadian as well.
as a living example of this.. weather you are adopted or from a black family "using white and black because that is whats at hand here" the black child will be ridiculed either way if your in a white community.. i was 1 of 4 black children in highschool of 500+ of course you will get the racists, but if you grow up with them there "or my" color is a non issue and you will besuprised how the white friends react if someone starts spouting racist comments off at there black friend
Yes this is what I mean and I am not trying to be a racist here just pointing out what I have seen in my 40 plus years of life. And yes I still think a Dog or Cat is a better option to kids..
i think that's awesome. my fiance and i are going to foster children, and many times that ends up in adoption. i took the foster care classes a couple of years ago, and the racial considerations were covered in class. when kids are young, they don't really pay attention to race, and they don't have considerations regarding what it means. kids have to be taught to be racist iow. but the classes recommend that you integrate children into and expose children to their cultural heritage as much as possible. which i think would be fun.
I personally strongly encourage adoption. There are many children out there who need homes. I personally don't have any kids, but I do know from friends that the adoption process is a pain, but the blessings of raising a child by blood, or an adopted child is well worth it. Also, although you should not care what race your child is, make sure they know that their skin color is important, but no one should be rejected because of their skin color.
REPLY: It gladdens my heart to know that people such as you and your wife exist in this world for so many reasons. ...fellowtraveler
Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! !!! Thank you. UPDATE: My wife has dropped the pebble and the ripples are expanding. She took a pre-screen questionaire w/the adoption agency.
LOL! I LOVE that show. [or. . . loved that show; none have approached the first season in kickassness] ~String
Either toddler or pre-school b/c we don't wanna go through diaper chaning and potty training again...hehe. But that may not matter when a precious child takes our heart, right?
That's really cool. Most people want a baby to pretend it happened naturally, so there's a huge surplus of older children.
