"Two people are standing on a street corner, a bus goes by and splashes mud on both of them. They should have the same response, for both have experienced the same event. Do you really think it will be so? One will forget it, but the other will spend days talking to his friends about the bus driver who splattered him with mud and how furious he is about it. The same event, the response different. In the instant that the 'mud' descends, choice is present, and you can drop the negative factor in yourself or you can enlarge it. "You think it is very hard to make other choices. But it is possible! You see your boyfriend talking to a girl that is much more gorgeous than you. You know all the negative choices, so think about some of the positive ones, for they are there also. And out of the vast repertoire of infinite possibilities, you can choose another one. You refuse to make another choice because you still believe you can change the other person. You still think if you go to your boyfriend and demand that he not talk to that gorgeous girl because it makes you feel terrible, he will do as you ask. Maybe he will, and if he does you will think that you have won. But you have given up your power by abdicating your responsibility. You have not had to do anything but ask him to change. As long as you are addicted to the idea that manipulating your universe from the outside will make you happy, you will not change. It is this type of manipulation that in the end will imprison you both. Now he has the right to tell you not to do something he does not like. And you will be obligated to do it, for now you have a trade-off. You make trade-offs all the time in your relationships. In the end you will see that you are limiting each other day after day and are both equally imprisoned. If you learn only one thing in this lifetime, let it be this: you are responsible for your own happiness. And you accomplish this by changing your responses to the events that happen in your life. "One of the greatest obstacles to your happiness is the belief that the world makes you miserable. It is your response to the world that makes you miserable. Please understand that as deeply as you can. Put yourself in control. People trip you up because they want you to feel guilty because when you feel guilty enough, you will do what they want you to do. The sad feature is that changing another's behavior is never enough, because it is not the other who is the source of your happiness." -- Bartholomew
Yep, thats what I think, I just haven't been able to sum it up so well. Don't do things that make you miserable, just to make someone else happy, do things that make you happy instead.
Very good post. Many people need to understand that. Many people always end up being negative about things, which most likely makes things worst. If people were positive and willing to change, they can make it better for themselves. That is how I do it. People that always blames things on everything else have a weak-mind, such as many criminals, blame their wrongs from their experiences in life. I would give them some credit since they do not understand, but it is those who have to strong-minds to change for the better, to better yourself. To change your life so tha you can be happy.
While maybe in one part you are responsible for your own happiness, other do play a part (for example, friends and family have the power to cheer you up or upset you with their own acitons or words). However, with: I think that if you make someone (you care about) happy, even if only temporarily, it will make you happy too, although similarly it will only be temporary. Also, about having to change yourself, no-one can do it for you, true, but you might need someone to tell you you need to change.
I disagree. I think that others have the power to TRY to cheer you up or upset you, but it's still always your choice of whether or not to let them. Plenty of times i've had someone try to cheer me up when i was in a bad mood and wanted to be in a bad mood, so i didn't let them have any effect on my bad mood; and other times i was in a good mood when someone tried to upset me, and i didn't let what they were saying or doing affect my good mood. If someone successfully cheers you up or upsets you, it's because you let them. You may not consciously realize that you let them, but you still did.
"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the ones who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken away from a person but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." - Viktor Frankl
do we make choices based upon experiences...?? say for the bus thing example, as much as I agree with you, I dont think it is quite that black and white. See, to come to a point where you make a choice, you have to have experiences that tell you that is the decision you need to make. Ie if that bus gets you everyday, or even the bus driver has something personal against you, then the person has a reason to object to the event... But yeah in normal circumstnaces, you can dwell over the event all day and feel bad.. or enjoy the spray that the bus gave you and be happy you dont have to take a shower that night!! thought patterns are alittle like a diet... what you eat everyday is what yorue body will show.....
Here's a parable: An elderly carpenter was ready to retire... One day, he told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife, enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he felt he needed to retire. They could get by, he thought. Upon hearing the news, the contractor was sorry to see his good worker go. He asked the carpenter if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work any longer. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career. When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you!" What a shock! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well. So it is with us. We build our lives in a distracted way, reacting rather than acting, willing to put up less than the best. At important points we do not give the job our best effort. Then with a shock we look at the situation we have created and find that we are now living in the house we have built. If only we had realized, then we would have done it differently. Think of yourself as the carpenter. Think about your house each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Build wisely! Even if you live it for only one day more, that day deserves to be lived graciously and with dignity. The plaque on the wall says, "Life is a do-it-yourself project." Who could say it more clearly? Your life today is the result of your attitudes and choices in the past. Your life tomorrow will be the result of your attitudes and the choices you make today.
