The priority of appearance in a relationship.

Everyone has a different scale of priority regarding their partner's and their own appearance.
For this thread we'll focus on the things that can be achieved through natural means. Examples would be exercise, cosmetics, skin care or any thing that doesn't require surgery/ disproportionate funding to the subjects living conditions (ok , it's pretty wide open).

The question is: IYO, at what point does focus on appearance become unhealthy to a relationship, be it your own or your partners? Also, how far is too far to let one's self go, or let one's partner go before it becomes unhealthy to survival as a couple?
This is concerning only appearance and not any of the health implications that may or may not be related to appearance.

*Youngsters welcome but be measured as many are often driven by appearance and may not have the experience of growing and changing with a person in a relationship setting.

 

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Well, one thing for me is fitness and condition of body.
I'm about 5'11", 165lbs and about 13% body fat. I consider my body type slim athletic.
Since I am built and maintained that way, I prefer a woman also with an athletic build. I'd rather her have a slimmer build, but if she's proportionate, a voluptuous (thick) build would be ok too.
Obese women need not apply.

 

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When you reach my age, as long as your mate is breathing it really doesn't matter what they look like! :itold:

 

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I agree. You want to be sexually attracted to the person and obesity is a turn off. They can be nice as hell, but that's what friends are for. Not a sexual partner.
I expect...no demand a mouth full of clean teeth.

 

We all want the hottest mate we can possibly win, which is why our standards highly correlate to how good looking we perceive ourselves to be.

The things we find attractive are programmed into our genes to provide the healthiest offspring. We are highly attracted to symmetry, which shows a lack of dangerous mutations, and to the "average" look in a population. Not to say "average" looking, but what you would get if you averaged the features from everyone in the gene pool. This is the safest set of alleles with which to mate with.

I find it humorous that the people who wail about "looks not mattering" are usually below-average-looking folks who are trying to convince someone out of their league to get with them. These people rarely heed their own advice and chase after someone below their own standards. It is the mating call of the ugly, to win higher station through societal guilt, and it amuses me.

 

symmetry? As in facial features or body shape?
My husband is good looking, but one leg is shorter than the other due to a horrific car wreck in his teens.
Are there certain things that are not symmetrical that attract women. I think a man with an eye patch is dashing. Its like scars signify bravery. :shrug:

 

Just repeating what studies have found. Though I do find your anecdotal experiences fascinating. Perhaps even the primitive centers of our brains can distinguish between features we were born with, and those we won through daring-do?

Before anyone starts off with the "culture teaches us what to find beautiful", be aware that experiment tells us the opposite. Children as young as 3-6 months stare longer at the faces that adults deem "attractive" than the ones that the same adult judges declare "unattractive".

Also, preferences in other animals are similar to those held by humans. Assuming we are different would require some extraordinary evidence.

 

To a certain extent. But a lot of it is relatively arbitrary and varies from culture to culture. For example, there's no correlation between breast size and a woman's health, fertility, or her ability to produce milk.

 

You guys are WAAAYY off topic. This is not biology or genetics. This is psychology and opinion about your personal parameters and limits regarding looks and the commitment to you/your partners appearance.

If any decides to address the OP, let me know.

 

That's a red herring. Men are looking at waist size compared to other body features. In the wild, this is usually the hips, but the mechanism is imperfect, resulting in the substitution of breasts for the same comparison.

Sorry, clusteringflux, but this is Human Science, and it is going to devolve into this discussion. Maybe "philosophy" or "Ethics and values" would be better for surveying people's personal preferences. Mine is this: Looks are extremely important to almost all humans. It requires advance understanding of genetic impulses to begin to overcome them. Staying as fit and attractive as you can has to increase the well-being for all couples. I'm sure that "letting oneself go" is the start of an unhealthy trend in a relationship.

 

Are you talking about people that are already in a relationship with each other ?
I'd say it becomes 'unhealthy' when personal obsessions about looks start threatening the relationship.

 

As far as circular reasoning goes, that is a very tight turn-radius you have there. :bugeye:

 

But I am answering exactly what you wanted to know by what I said. :itold:

 

Well.. it's pretty obvious.. lol
There is no way to answer the question in more detail, as it's different for everyone at what point this happens.

 

Wow, that's quite a statement. I regards to a relationship,where would you put it on a scale from say 1-10.

Ah, another one. What percentage of people who celebrate their 50th wedding anniversaries have "advanced understanding of genetic impulses" would you say?

What could be considered as "letting ones self go"?

 

LOL, yes, cosmic. Thank you. Sorry to offend. I'll put you down for "pulse required".

You'll make some burn victim very happy.

 

If they are moving, I'm grooving!

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Cluster, do you mean like when your partner decides to have tattoos or piercings you find unattractive ? Or letting your beard grow, shaving ones head, etc. ?

 

Sure. Tattoos, gaining 10-20-30 pounds, baldness, not shaving, clothing. What are your limits and expectations?
What is too much to ask from your other?

 

I should think none, that I can think of anyway.
If the change stems from some other problem we can work it out, also when it's a personal decision. I can't imagine breaking up a lasting relationship because of any of the things you mentioned.