Well I'm pretty much gone after this post but I felt this question could raise an interesting discussion. And let me insist first off that the purpose of this thread is not a fight nor a childesh back-patting conversation where one person makes a comment and three people have to come in and say they agree. The question at hand deals with a quote of Bebalina's which states that 'words on a screen can hurt as much as words in real life.' Now, I personally have not felt pain from words in real life in a long time. And certainly have not felt pain from words on the internet. And more than definetly not from words like 'fuck you'. I remember when I was 13 and my parents fought largely because of my actions. My hockey occupied my dad's time to a point that certainly didn't please my mom. Without going into too much detail I was actually the cause of most of my parents fights at this time. One Friday I left school with 3 of my friends and we ended up going to a movie that night. I didn't call my parents to say what time I would be home (keep in mind, 13 years old and in a big city with overprotective parents). I get home at 12:00. My dad looked at me with disgust and told me what a pathetic kid I was. I was okay with this; it was/is true. When I get upstairs my mom had her usual look for when I'm in trouble. That look that says she's been preparring a speech for me for abotu 2 hours. Then she surprised me and just looked me in the eye and calmly said; "You a disappointment of a child. When I look at you, all I can think is that I must have gone wrong somewhere with you. You are the epitemy of everything I use to fear my child would become." At first I brushed this off the same as any other comment from my parents when they're angry. When I got to bed that night I started thinking about it and how sincere my mom was in that comment. A woman who would usually spend 3-4 hours yelling at me had been pushed to the limit of three calm sentances. And for the first time since I was really young I was sincerely pained by words. I was their biggest disappointment? My mom, who use to help me with my homework and edit my book reports when I went off to hockey thought I was the worst teenager imaginable? My mom who went out of her way nearly every day for me when I was young truly despised me? My mom who stood up for me when I was too small to fight my battles regretted every minute of it? My mom who's greatest joys in life use to come from seeing me happy prayed for my 18th birthday? My god. What have I given away? I've never felt hurt by words of insult. Like I said elsewhere I've been called dirty jew, fucking canuck, go back to canada... and so on and so on. We sang our national anthem when we won a tournament and got booed by the parents of the other team and the other yanks at the tournament. You know what, it just made me feel more proud to kick their ass. I'm interested in other people's views and I'm going to have to pull this thread back out when I get back from L.A. Has anyone been hurt by being called a name since they got out of elementary school? I think words can hurt, but only when the words carry some meaning that conveys a real emotional pain. Thanks.
my sister once said, she wishes i was dead... that really hurt... what else hurts emotionally if words dont?
Words do hurt yes. Very much so. My mother told me for as long as I can remember that she couldn't believe I was a child of hers. I was really no good, no matter what I did. I am still no good. And this is just one example. I do not wish to go in detail about further encounters with words that actually hurt so much, your whole body is filled with pain. I am sure you get the point by this "minor" example... (Words like "fuck you" are not of importance to me. I learned to deal with that a long, long time ago. It doesn't justify to put it on a message board and aim it at everyone you please though)
Ty: I remember, once, about a year ago, I was very sick and my homework kept piling up. My mother was very distressed that I wouldn't do this homework (most of the time I slept, sometimes I used the computer, but mostly I slept), and one night, I was up late watching TV (I'd slept most of that day, so I was going to spend a couple hours in front of the 'tube before I went back to bed) My mother awoke and came out to the den. She seemed quite distressed that I was watching TV instead of doing my homework (I was actually lying on a matress on the ground, with a pillow under my head while watching the 'tube, but somehow she thought that was considered work), and she tried to get me to stop. When all else failed, she was about to go back to bed. And then she said, in a robotic tone, "you don't love me." This really scared me. At first I thought she was joking. I asked her why. She said that she didn't think I loved her because I never did what she said, always the opposite (which is far from true, but it's been proven that people remember better negative events than positive events), and that if I really loved her I would try to do what she said. Well, we stayed up about an hour discussing that, and finally, I did ALL of my homework, even though I wasn't sure if she really thought I didn't love her, or if she was just trying to manipulate me. I suspected the latter, but she means so much to me and "YDLM" hurt me so much that I did the homework, even thought it took me about 3 hours and I got very tired, and I began to feel sicker. As of now, I am 100% sure she was manipulating me, and while I think this was quite cruel, perhaps she felt she had to do it for my own good. Whatever the case, words from a loved one can be used to manipulate. If she had somehow justified that I didn't love her unless I jumped off a cliff, I'd have a hard time deciding whether or not to do it (although I doubt she could justify this to me) I vowed that night that if I ever have kids, no matter what the circumstances, I will not manipulate them in such a way it pulls at their heart. Hopefully, I won't manipulate them at all, but seeing as most parents heavily manipulate their children, I doubt I'd really keep that vow. However, I do not think the first vow will be hard to keep if I ever have children. I don't care at all if somebody calls me a "fucking asshole", "gay", "fat", "homo", "ugly", "whitey", or anything along those lines. I used to actually think that perhaps I was gay because people said I was so much, until I figured out that being gay isn't something people can tell for sure until you have actually developed a sexual preference. (I thought that perhaps not liking sports contributed to being gay, etc.) If my mother called me a "homo", that wouldn't hurt. On several occasions, she's called me a fucker and told me to go to hell (while these may seem verbally abusive to you, I certainly deserved them after the confrontations we had had and the things I had said to her), and while these hurt a little, I know that they're definitely temporary. However, if she told me that she no longer loved me and I thought that perhaps she meant it, I would probably go off and kill myself (seriously. although I'd talk to her first, I'd kill myself if it wasn't resolved, I can't deal with that) While I do cherish my father's love, my relationship with him has never been nearly as close as my relationship with my mother. My whole life, my father has worked weekdays, 5am-4.30pm, while my mother has worked various schedules, varying from 7am-1pm to 10.30am-3.30pm, to jobless (that's her current status), and generally I always spend more of my waking hours with her as she is there more. I developed an even closer bond with my grandfather, as when I was young he was my primary caregiver while my parents were at work (for a couple of years after I was born, my mother worked the same schedule as my father), however I've since grown apart from him.
Words are extremely important to people. This should be obvious. We label everything we see. We have our self talking going throug our minds almost every second of each day, when not talking aloud. (Just try to not self-talk, betcha couldn't last even an hour) Words are our primary source of communication with others (few people are consciously cued in on body language). Words make up each of our realities. So damn right words hurt. Unless you cut your emotions off from them. If you wall yourself off so that these word hurt you, well they won't hurt you, but you also won't experience the real joys in life. The wall works both ways. The wall that blocks of the furious fist shaking mother saying "I hate you", also blocks off the tender warm soul-filling "I love you".
Words used to hurt me back in like 3rd and fourth grade, but now they couldn't bother me a bit and I still enjoy many joys of life. If people can't rise above what someone says about them then they will never know real joys in life. They will be conserned about what someone thinks of them. It doesn't matter what other people think, unless that person is really close to you, but no one should ever let what anyone says on here or anywhere else on the internet get to them. All that will accomplish is a build up in self-pity.
Physical harm goes through the same input into the conscious entity as words. They are just interpreted differently by the entity. Both, if bad enough, can be recalled from the nonquantized information storage of the entity.
Words don't hurt if you have a lot of self discipline and mental toughness. If words can get you easily, you become less respected.
Obviously, words can hurt, in certain contexts. When your childhood has been spent listening to your mother scream about how horrible a child you are, you know this. However, it no longer affects me, because I make my own choices over whether to form emotional attatchments. Xenu stated: which is partially true. To allow yourself to care for another person is to surrender some control to them. They can then provoke in you the most sublime joy or the most profound pain. *Xev snickers* Emotional sadomasochism, rather. Anyhoo, one really should not allow yourself to feel that deeply about the folks you meet on a message board. It's a recipe for disaster. You will be at the whims of each anonymous poster. Do exhibit some self control, for the sake of the board. And don't forget your safe word, which is, as always: "I have a healthy ego and I don't care what some stranger thinks of me" Okay, so that's a sentance, not a word. But the analogy is getting to be rather weird and I must go cook dinner. Edit to add: Well said, Joeman.
