Using Reverse psychology - is it ever appropriate

Definition:
Reverse psychology is a persuasion technique involving the false advocacy of a belief or behavior contrary to the belief or behavior which is actually being advocated. This technique relies on the psychological phenomenon of reactance, in which a person has a negative emotional response in reaction to being persuaded, and thus chooses the option which is being advocated against.
~wiki

In common use In my opinion it is a technique of manipulation designed to disempower the victim and yet still get what you want.

In some ways the perpetrator is attempting to achieve power in a relationship with out loss of function in that relationship.

The abuse of reverse psychology can have horrific consequences on the child or person who unwittinglly falls for the technique being applied. The effect of self esteem is enormous for those growing up in such an abusive mind set.

Further,because it is so commonly used in popular culture it is commonly ignored as an abuse and considered as normal productive behaviour, yet IMO it is one of the most destructive and insidious longterm abuses one can place on a child or adult in the way of getting what you want.

example:

1] when trying to get him [child] to put away a toy, you might say:

"I'll put it away for you. You probably don't know how to fit it all back in the box anyway."

self esteem degradation number one.

2] "OK. Go ahead and cross the street by yourself. You'll just get hit by a car..."
self esteem degradation number two.

3] your child is getting bad grades, :

"That's okay. You're probably not smart enough to make better grades anyway"?

self esteem degradation number three.
~~

But the most profoundly abusive technique is often used between adults and commonly used against children all over the world:

example:

1] "you don't want to be my friend" - when the desire for friendship has been repeatedly demonstrated many many times.

2] "you don't love me any more" or "you have never loved me" - when love has been demonstrated and is being demonstrated.

~~

The use of reverse psychology in my opinion is a significant source of most our social ills and is a topic worthy of debate because even when researching it on the net there are many examples of when it is deemed to be acceptable to use as a technique of manipulation and cohersion. IMO it is never acceptable if one wishes to empower another to achieve their best potential.

Care to discuss?
some of the examples given re:http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/parenting_tips/discipline/reverse_psychology.html

 

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example:
"What! No one wants to post to my thread? Surely Sci forums can produce a better readership that this?

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and another little nasty piece of work:

"If you love children you would go and have IVF treatment for your infertility"

 

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http://psychologyforum.us/general-psychology-forum/reverse-psychology-and-abuse/msg2537/#new

 

My husband is the worlds HUGEST procrastinator. He knows it. If I want him to do something I say "can you do such and such. Oh wait, never mind. You'll never do it. I'll just have to do it myself.....again"
He does it. He knows I'm using reverse psychology, but it works. People do what works.

 

yes it is so common that it is almost considered normal. [edit : normal should read healthy]

Obviously there are degrees of abuse using this technique and some are to be honest absolutely disgusting as far as behaviour is concerned. Some are quite mild and necessary because we are all locked into this cycle of abuse that slowly we as a race are evolving out of...

 

I use it on my kids as well.
"honey, can you please hang up your clothes. Oh wait, sorry. I forgot you can't reach. I'll ask your brother to come do it for you."

Come back an hr later and all her clothes are hung up with her proudly beaming at me.

 

Good post orleander.

 

a form of sarcasm yes?

 

So how would you read:
"If you love children you would go and have IVF treatment for your infertility"
Why do I think this is nasty do you think?

 

True that I guess.

 

That's not reverse psychology to me. That's just someone being rude as hell. Its a judgmental statement. Damn, its mean. Did someone say it to you?

 

no, I say it as if I'm sorry. Sorry she's so little having to rely on the help of her brother.
Of course, she's 11 now and knows her brother wouldn't hang up her clothes even if his life depended on it.

 

no but here is my assessment:

1] It disempowers the person who obviously is enquiring about having children. [ trying to get pregnant but can't]

2) Obviously the person wants to have children and would love to have children. The accuser has implied to the obvious contrary...they have lied about the obvious truth.
3) Assuming that the victim is a woman the accuser has implied that if she doesn't have IVF treatment she does not love children [ generally ]
which again is an obvious falsehood.
4) there is no adequate response for the victim to make except muted silence thus the victim is diempower of action if she holds the accuser in high esteem. [ a high esteem that would noramlly be shot to ribbons because of the abuse] damned if she gets IVF treatment and damned if she doesn't.
5) as this cuts at the very heart of some maternal mothers this is a shocking example of abuse. [ again only if the victim hold high esteem for the accuser or wants the esteem of the accuser]

ie ...children hold their parents in high esteem and in may cases would do almost anything to maintain or improve that esteem thus becoming vulnerable to abuse...

I am not suggesting that you situation with your child is terribly abusive but it was abusive to denigrate your childs potential by suggesting that she can't do something when she obviosuly could as a cop out for either expediancy or an inabilityto find another way to allow your child to be inspired to do what needs to be done rather than manipulated into doing it..

see?

It is such a subtle thing some times and we don not realise just how damaging it can be in the long term.

My brother has been in psychological coucelling for nearly 12 years because of this sort of abuse delivered by my father. Subtle and acceptable by society - and one that inhibits society from acheiving it's combined potential. IMO

 

ha ...fair enough...

 

btw some people who would dearly love to have children and love children generally decide not to have IVF because of side effects, potential risks to the child/mother and moral and ethical issues.
So you can see how they are now, if they hold the perp in high esteem disempowered of personal philosophy, and morality as well...

 

Yes and no. It really depends on if you understand how to use it and when to.

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care to elaborate?

 

Many people in this world have no idea as to what this is or how to use it, like a book they never read before. Say you had no education and didn't understand what this was all about, how could you even know it was being used against you? If you never encountered it before how would you be able to handle it, as a child that doesn't know better. There are many instances in which this "technique" could be used with people who don';t understand what it is that is being done at the time. Whenever this is used with someone who knows about it , it won't work, as most educated people will realize.

 

I think I would agree with most of what you have written.
I would add that in the long term the cost of using this manipulative technique is actually quite high. If you have ever felt the terrible sick feeling that goes through you when you are starting to realize how negative this technique is as it is being applied and the rage and anger it generates when you finally realize just how abusive it is.
Most people of lesser education simply apply compensating behavior and basically take it out on those around them and go on to use the technique them selves on their own family including children and friends and think nothing more of it.
It is a surprisingly common form of abuse. yet is not surprising why this is so as it not only bolsters artificially the esteem of the abuser but maintains the false sense of status quo regarding power as well. So people tend to use it when their self esteem is of the reflective type and not the inner self reflective type. In other words people who rely on others for their sense of self esteem instead of an esteem that they have earned for themselves from inner growth and maturity.
On thinking about it today it seems that for example those who follow external morality sources such as church or government with out thinking for themselves are most likely to use the more extreme forms of reverse psychology as they are in some ways emulating those that seek to control them and emulate accordingly.
Fortunately most modern governments in the west have made great efforts to avoid using this sort of cohesion in their dealing with the public and laws are in place for some forms of advertising that occasionally appear in the media as well. But it is a slow process and one I feel worth making.

Anti discrimination laws are one example of removing implied reverse psychological aspects embedded in legislation [ law ]

It is a vicious cycle of abuse that is incredibly difficult to break as my brother has found out.

Personally if society was to take the empowerment issue seriously it would be vigorous in exposing and educating those about this issue...

[see....I just used a form of it in the above sentence - I have implied that society is not serious about empowerment issues - which is an over generalization and not true]
What I may have been better to have said is that if society would become more serious about this issue....etc
It is that easy....and entrenched in language use...