My hypothesis is this: Grabs for power in a romantic relationship are born of personal feelings of insecurity and instinct to protect ones pride. They manifest themselves in what we call "The Game", which everyone who's been through complains of, but tacitly plays along to. examples - 1. Man puts pride on line, gets girls number, waits a week to call, thereby making her feel insecure. 2. Woman purposely reschedules first date or shows up late shifting insecurity back to mans side. ect . . . ect . . . This seems to happen with such astonishing regularity that there ought to be a mechanism in place to overcome it - Is there one out there? Can we do better? Is this a symptom of a deeper societal ill? (remember, it takes both people to participate in this to overcome this problem, one can't fix it alone)
Good luck with that. That kind of crap, and women refusing to think logically, are the reasons that I don't date anymore. The general consensus is that if you call someone too early, you risk being viewed as needy or desparate. If a woman shows up to a date with me late, and doesn't seem to be remorseful of it, there wouldn't be a second date; and possibly the first date wouldn't even continue.' Depending on the circumstances, a woman rescheduling a date would most likely not get another date with me either.
Isn't it past your bedtime, toots? Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! We know you're not into playing games Shorty, but unfortunately entirely too many ladies out there are into it. I personally can't stand it and have taught myself to be able to smell gameplaying a mile away. I just don't have time for that shit. Go find some spineless dude to play your 'hard to get' games with.
Listen here.....BUD.. ha I am waiting for the right time to sneak presents under the tree. Also drink the apple cider that they left for me...oops Santa Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Maybe you are just meeting the wrong women. How often were you dating? and how were you meeting these women? If I am getting too personal just tell me to bug off.
Eh? As I have read along with this thread, I really think it's losing focus. If there's anything I've learned from girls, it is that all of them work somewhat on the same level. Girls/ladies have this crazy mother-like instinct that makes them "needy" to fix things. They see a guy that has closed off himself to relationships with girls because of past problems, women seem to (if they want something to happen long term wise) to go after him. They see it almost as a challenge. It's not necessarily the fact that the guy is helpless and she feels like she can do some good to this poor soul, but rather the imbedded psychological stream that they runoff of. I once had a relationship with a girl who I thought I genuinely loved; but something was wrong. I couldn't trust her. I didn't know why, she had never done anything to hurt me in any way. After the shit went down, she explained that I didn't trust her, due to the fact that my mother left my family at a very young age for me, it has been difficult to trust women. Sometimes it pays off, sometimes it doesn't. But whatever. This is my first post so take it easy on me, I'l get the hang of it.
ydyke - I think you're right on with your insight into the way some girls feel the need to fix things. I've actually had a particularly honest girl spell this out to me in much the same way. It seems like you have a lot of insight into your own situation too, which is the first step in rectifying any behavior you want to change. mikenostic - Though I get pissed off at these games I can't bring myself to stop trying. I thought for a long time that I could get along by myself but I guess I'm not that kind of person. The thing is, that I don't take these slights personally. If a girl is insecure it's not a dig at me, in fact I've noticed the opposite - the more of the game they play, the more interested they probably are. I try to break the cycle by presenting myself honestly, even vulnerable, and not putting up any facades; I've had limited success with the method. Also, it isn't fair to put all of the blame on the ladies - guys do the same shit in different ways. shorty - It's entirely possible that I'm meeting the wrong women. The fact that the last girlfriend I had and the last two women I asked out were all from the bar might be a clue. One thing I know for sure is that the wrong women are always attracted to me - at least I've figured that out.
I hope you enjoyed your cider and Xmas. I'm not dating any at the moment. I tried online dating last year for awhile but got tired of the lack of responses, and the ones that did respond; their apprehension for meeting.* Flakiness pisses me off to no end. I'd rather a girl tell me to fuck off than to not respond. *If I'm online dating, and I find a woman with a mutual interest, I want to meet her as soon as possible. The reason being is to see her in person; see her mannerisms, etc. up close. I'm not going to waste months emailing a girl online, then meet her only to find her a disappointment. Since I rarely go out anymore, most of the girls I see/meet are coworkers (both at the call center I'm based out of and in the 7 retail stores I support. There are 5 girls that I would otherwise be interested in but ALL of them have a god damn boyfriend. Believe me, if I knew how to break one of those couples up, I'd be on it in a heartbeat. I also won't ask a girl out/for her number unless I'm at least 80% sure she will say yes. I don't like getting shot down. It's not an ego thing. It's an 'I can't deal with the frustration of repeatedly having to go back to square one(as in with another girl)' thing. I won't live forever. I don't have time for that shit. Nonsense. You're cool. I do. I tend to take things personally that most people let roll off their shoulders. It's just the way I'm wired. Call it pride or whatever, I just expect better for myself. I have my own preferrences just like everyone else. I'm now a bit older and pretty set in my ways. I'm also an 'all or nothing' kinda guy in several ways; meaning that if I can't have exactly what I want, I'd much rather have nothing than to settle for something that isn't. Preference, in this order: 1. Exactly what I want 2. Nothing 3. Settling for something If I sense a girl is playing any sort of games or testing me, she'll be looking for some other guy who enjoys mind games; I'm sure there are more than plenty attention-hungry, desparate guys that would gladly put up with her mind games for some company. I'm just not one of them. Believe me, I'm about as honest/to the point/blunt 'what you see is what you get' as their is. Read some of my posts and you'll understand. The thing is, I'm like this in person as well as behind a computer screen. I've had limited success as well, but see preferences above. I'm straight. I do not date guys so their behavior isn't any of my concern. But you're right, guys do the same shit.
Where do you guys live? Or is this just how relationships work these days? When I was in my twenties and thirties, dating was nothing like that. We'd get to know somebody at school, or at work, or through mutual friends. Or maybe in a bar, although I was never into that scene because I figure you want to meet the people who like to do the things you like to do, and the people you meet in a bar are probably people who like to hang out in bars. We'd discover that we had some interests and attitudes in common, and a little bit of romantic spark. One person (usually the man, but by no means always) would suggest getting together out in the real world. Since we most likely worked together or knew each other from some other group, quite often there'd be no "calling," we'd just set it up in a normal conversation. We'd pick something fun that we both wanted to do--a restaurant we'd always meant to try out, a concert, a motorcycle ride through the wildflowers--and we'd set a time and place to meet. Dating was like anything else in life, sometimes plans went awry and one person would cancel or reschedule or even just not be able to show up. You'd be disappointed and they'd apologize and you'd set it up for another time--or maybe not, if the reason they cancelled was that they found somebody they liked better. More often than not, we'd end up in bed on the first date. The Sexual Revolution was in full swing. Some people had exclusive relationships, I always preferred that. But a great many did not, back in the 1960s and 70s. Sometimes one person would date multiple people and the other would not. Still eventually most people found somebody they wanted to settle down with. Is life so different now? What you're describing sounds like the way kids approach dating in junior high school--"middle school," I guess you call it now, the kids who are just discovering puberty and don't know how to handle it. All the silly games that pass for the human "courtship ritual" until you get tired of them. Most adults have better things to do with their time, energy and emotions, than fart around with kids' games.
What can I say Fraggle? It's a depressing state of affairs, and it is, indeed, just like middle school out there as far as I can tell. I'm in my late twenties, living in new england, and this is all I see - it depresses me to think this is normal. I almost wish it was something wrong that I was doing so that I could at least have something to fix, but brother, it ain't me.
What's so bad about rescheduling? How does it make one feel insecure? I mean you shouldn't expect for someone to put their life on hold for someone they just met. I mean if they didn't care about getting to know you they wouldn't reschedule the date, right? They'd just cancel or stand you up.
Women aren't the only insecure ones. I'm more secure than the majority of the men I've dated. A few men have thought that I was playing hard to get. But honestly... I just didn't dig them that much, so I kept them at arm's length. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
LOL, yeah, THAT'S why you don't date. Think logically in an emotional relationship. Who are you? Spock?
I was wondering when I would get this response. I am a logical thinker. Most men are. But most men will put up with quite a bit if he's getting sex in return. <---not trying to be misogynistic, just stating common knowledge. That doesn't mean that sex is necessarily the only thing he's in it for. Anyway, that doesn't mean I'm emotionless. I just feel that logic should be driving and emotion should be riding shotgun...in an advisory role ONLY! For example, I could meet a girl, find her attractive, develop feellings for her and even probably fall for her; I wouldn't have any control over that. What I would have control over, is knowing not to date her if I realize that she and I are incompatible. In that case, if you listen to your emotions, you might wind up dating her and it end badly; wasting all that time because of a 'feeling'. If you listen to reason, you would probably cut your losses, ready to meet the next girl. Just because I don't show emotion when I don't need to, doesn't mean I have no emotional intelligence. Mario Andretti is a world class race car driver. He can drive race cars. Does that mean he should take one of his F1 cars out on the road and drive it like he was on a race track? Hell no. There is a time and place for that, just like emotions. Some people (both men and women) need to keep their emotions in check, as they are very well capable of causing knee-jerk actions that the person could regret later on. Pfft. I wish!!! I'd be loaded if I had his Vulcan intelligence; he'd be able to hack into any system on the planet. MUAHAHA!
