Couth Insulting potocols

[Mr. Hamtastic]

I am trying to relearn how to insult someone properly, showing my absolute disdain for them, their family, their exitence, without resorting to foul language or the equivalent of,"yo momma!". Any suggestions? I'm looking for something with some spiciness that can be adjusted to show my own originality.

[sniffy]

Damning with faint praise is always good one.

[Mr. Hamtastic]

I thought maybe kill them with kindness-every post fawn over them to ridiculousness

[sniffy]

Oh I see.

[visceral_instinct]

Sarcastically pretending to be nice is always good.

[sniffy]

Actually being nice works for me sometimes....

[Mr. Hamtastic]

It's more fun to pull them apart like pulled pork barbeque. Nice lengthy diatribes about how invalid they are. I just seem to always cuss.

[sniffy]

you are nowt but a carbuncle on the buttock of a dung beetle
a flea feeding on a camel's armpit
a leering gargoyle disqualified as too ugly from the world's biggest gurneying competition
a pin headed misanthrope
thicker than one of Henry VIII's syphilliptic legs
sadder than a crater faced geek at a physicists r us convention
smellier than the rotting carcass of an ebola infected hippo

[Steve100]

There's nothing better than just looking at them with disgust.

[sniffy]

how about:

I'd rather french kiss a bulldog's anus. ??

[Mr. Hamtastic]

you are nowt but a carbuncle on the buttock of a dung beetle
a flea feeding on a camel's armpit
a leering gargoyle disqualified as too ugly from the world's biggest gurneying competition
a pin headed misanthrope
thicker than one of Henry VIII's syphilliptic legs
sadder than a crater faced geek at a physicists r us convention
smellier than the rotting carcass of an ebola infected hippo

you mean naught, right? Have you been sharing notes with Asguard?

And bulldogs eat some tasty stuff you know, you should try it.

[Enmos]

Misanthrope isn't an insult.

[sniffy]

Don't come to the North of England and start prancing about with yer nancified "naught" will yer? Unless of course you WANT to French kiss a bulldog's anus. Round 'ere lad it's nowt or nothing no naught about it!

[sniffy]

Misanthrope isn't an insult.

oh shut it yer mincing miscreant

[Enmos]

oh shut it yer mincing miscreant

I don't even know what that means :D

[Mr. Hamtastic]

Have you been into the Scotch, sniffy? You are all slurry. :P

[sniffy]

Er enmos Would it help if I slap you with the flat end of the OED?

[sniffy]

Have you been into the Scotch, sniffy? You are all slurry. :P

Er Ham: would it help if I slap you with the blunt end of an atlas?

[Steve100]

you mean naught, right? Have you been sharing notes with Asguard?

And bulldogs eat some tasty stuff you know, you should try it.

Nowt means nothing.

[Enmos]

Er enmos Would it help if I slap you with the flat end of the OED?

Who knows, it might just do the trick.. :D

[sniffy]

Throws greys anatomy at enmos

[Enmos]

Ok, got it.. I love it, thanks ! Not even close to an insult :)

[Enmos]

Throws greys anatomy at enmos

Drool ?

[sniffy]

ooh you bloody athiest

[Enmos]

:thumbsup: :)

[sniffy]

don't put your swollen digit up at me
I'd rather rub snouts with a gout ridden courtier sent to the tower for feeling up the one eyed court jester.

[Enmos]

You should make your money doing stuff like this :D

[sniffy]

Money?
I'd rather soil myself with the excrement of a geordie on a three day beer and curry bender.

[Enmos]

Well, if you run into any, you can always send it to me :cool:

[sniffy]

er geordie excrement...???? Well if you insist......just pm me your address.....

[Enmos]

No money.. and you know where I live, silly..

[sniffy]

Er Latvia???

[Enmos]

Nope, that was Avatar I think.
The Netherlands.

[MacGyver1968]

Throws greys anatomy at enmos

Why would throw a tv show about a anarexic female doctor at him? Hail...Ellen Pompeo don't weight but about 6 stone soaking wet. She wouldn't do much damage at all!

(I know..it's a big heavy book :) )

[Enmos]

To be honest I never really watched it. I just saw a commercial of it a couple of times..

[sniffy]

Isn't there anyone here who can come up with some decent insults?

There must be someone who can make a bigger impression than a tic's toe on the arse of an elephant??

[Mr. Hamtastic]

Maybe that's why you enjoy dissecting children so much.
It's not my fault your father liked raping your household pets.
You are the most intelligent, most interesting, most scabrous individual I have ever met.
The thoughts you cause in people, generally cause them to want to exsanguinate.
Have you considered lobotomy?