I'm under no illusions that everyone will know what I'm talking about, but I suspect some of you - Wet1, Orthogonal, a few others - will be able to help me with this. What are some of the rules for gentlemen? How does a decent chap behave? And why? Some behaviours I would think aren't considered politically correct these days, such as opening doors for women, or taking the couch so the lady can have the bed if you're not intimately involved with her. But why is such behaviour still a gentleman's duty? What are the reasons?
1: Give Xev money. 2: See rule one. 3: See rule two. Oh yeah, and, like, behave decently. In all seriousness, to be a gentleman is not to adhere to Adamski's weird-arse ideas - it is to behave honorably. To struggle bravely against the heights and all that. Why must people behave honourably? I have yet to see a logical reason. It springs from simple decency. So why should people behave decently? In the end, the only reason to behave decently is because one is decent. There need be no reason beyond this. Being honourable is fundamentally absurd.
Xev You probably know how "absurd" my ideas are... Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Rules? Um, well IMO....... Always ask first. Perhaps a bad example, but.... If your girlfriend is sitting at a desk, ask her if she would like a massage before putting your hands on her shoulders. That way you can confirm you are doing something she wants. Be ready to sacrifice and try to make her happy. Keep your frame of mind proper. Do not get yourself thinking the logical that men are superior to women. Remember that women are different than men. If she seems to be caught up in her emotions, try to understand this is something you may not feel as often as a woman, but she may not be able to control it very well. Try to be understanding As for specific things, like opening the door. It's best just to ask what she prefers, that way you know for sure. If you are concerned with pleasing her, I wouldn't worry about what other people think too much.
Clarentavious, you're no more a gentleman than G.W Bush is an english teacher. Some would find speaking of things they know nothing of a mark of stupidity. But we already knew that about you. Adamski, Bushatrix is scary, not absurd. I should clarify - I meant the philosophical concept of the absurd. Basically, the idea of doing a thing for its own sake is absurd - that was my point. I did not mean this in the sense that most (NORMAL!) people would take it. Being absurd is not a bad thing at all.
Quote by vex from the "Why lie?" post Quote by vex from the "Best way to let someone down?" post It would appear you have an interest in the science of contradicting yourself (among..... "other" interests) Can't learn to cease fire eh? Keep moving scum.
Simply do not claim to be a gentleman, Clari. I hate hypocrisy. You claiming to be one is the peak of hypocrisy. I also feel a certain respect for the antiquated code. One never identifies herself as a lady, just as one never identifies herself as a hacker, and besides the term has taken on some rather unfortunate connotations. However.... I do pride myself on a sense of honour.
I think being yourself is more important than being a gentlemen. You only need to be a gentleman in first date. That is about it.
No, being polite on a first date and then revealing a different personality is being a self-serving liar. Different concepts entirely.
Ahh, yes, one more reason I'm so proud to be A white male in today's American society. Joeman, your Mother must be so proud of you! As far as being A Gentleman. I remember my Grandmother, once telling me... Being A Lady or A Gentleman means, making sure all others around you are as comfortable as possible. I think that sums it up. pretty well, for me.Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
That is not what I meant. Have you ever had a job interview before? Guess not. How about if the "different" personality is better than the personality in first date?
What does my mother has anything to do with anything? What does being a white male has anything to do with anything?
Yep. And I don't lie in job interviews. This has clearly made me miss out on several jobs, and some money. But I just can't bring myself to suck up to the employers by misrepresenting myself.
Well, I don't claim to have all the answers, I think being yourself is a good way to start a relationship. You can offer some courtesy (hope I spelled the word right Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! ). Open a door for a woman is always nice, it is also nice when the woman does it for you. I guess it's just a way of showing you care. Whether you're a woman or a man. If someone treats you bad, than it is up to you to give him/her the same treatment or to stay a gentleman/lady, if you want to call it like that. Treat others like you want to be treated yourself and it will be alright. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Even if it's difficult to do sometimes. You can always try. I think this is not exactly the answer you are waiting for, don't know how to say it in other words... Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
haha. Sucks to be you. You must really suck at interviewing. I don't lie in job interviews either. I don't suck up to employers or misrepresenting myself. I am very honest in my job interview and yet I still do very well. You are totally missing the point. The whole dating is process is about auditioning for a husband/wife for most people. What can you learn about someone in first date or job interview? Absolutely Nothing. You might as well be professional / gentleman. Everyone has flaws but you don't need to let them know about it in first date. Dating itself is long journey. The whole objective of first date is to get you the second date. First date is only a tiny portion of the process. Another very important point is that the first date is always very memorable to whoever you are dating if you two end up getting married. Since first date is memorable make it a good one. Personally if real life I am a very wacky guy who can't stop making bad jokes. I don't need to do that in first date because they could take things the wrong way. But when they get to know me better they can tolerant my style humor a little more. I know my type of humor is not for everyone. That is just an example. There is no cheating involved. It doesn't mean treat her well in first date and treat her badly in second.
What's this cheating all about? You can easily be yourself in a first date. This includes, you be your best self and not start out with, for instance, telling bad jokes, no. Or she/he likes to hear them, it just differs from person to person. In the first date you mostly behave on your best and then it's case to show your interest and care for the one you are dating. Seems logical, no? My, what a problem you make from a first date. The first impression is often the best and your date will go from there. So show some courtesy and some interest. Real interest, that is. Don't fake it, it will not stand, in the end you fall because of it...
"I remember my Grandmother, once telling me... Being A Lady or A Gentleman means, making sure all others around you are as comfortable as possible." I hate to say I know this but....... That's from Blast From The Past Anyway, what makes a gentleman? Courtious. Polite. Receptive to conversation and not always talking, but listening. Adaptive to other people and situations. Thoughtful. Mindful of another's feelings. That's all I got at the moment.
Adam said if you don't completely behave like yourself is considered lying or misrepresenting yourself which I don't agree. I think what you are saying is pretty close to what I am saying. It is important to leave a good first impression and behaving yourself. It is important to do what is expected on first date, like being a gentleman. Anything else can be taken the wrong way easily when the person you date don't know much about you. I definitely wouldn't use my gay jokes on first date. She might think I am homophobic. I don't think that is misrepresenting myself.
Yep, that's what I mean. On a first date you still have to get to know eachother and then you better be careful with "bad" jokes, yes. It depends on the person you're dating, though. Sometimes you can tell a little and the person will not be offended. I agree with you, that it's better to show some respect and be as caring as you can be on a first date. It will change along the line when two people learn to know eachother better. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! When the feeling is right on the first date it is easier to do, to just be yourself. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! It makes things easier in a developing relationship. If the feeling is not right from the start, perhaps then, it's better to reconsider further dating. Oh, I am rambling I guess. Anyway, best of luck with dating...Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
