Psycho Christian reviews "Beowulf"

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by Xev, Nov 28, 2007.

  1. Xev Registered Senior Member

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    This is just so awesome:

    Indeed. My favorite quote:


    http://www.capalert.com/capreports/beowulf.htm
     
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  3. Xev Registered Senior Member

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    Oh wait, this shit gets better:

    Happy Feet
    http://www.capalert.com/capreports/happyfeet.htm
     
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  5. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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    Did they stick to the book at all? It kinda looks like they CGIed their way to glory from the commercials. I wanted to see it, but now I don't want to.
     
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  7. Xev Registered Senior Member

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    Surprisingly much so, but it's really not what you want if you want something accurate.
    Or - "Beowulf" is to the poem as "300" was to the battle of Thermopylae.
     
  8. Orleander OH JOY!!!! Valued Senior Member

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    Those reviews are almost as obscene as they think the movies are. How sad to live your life on such a narrow path.
     
  9. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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    Hum. She says both yea and nay. [scratches chin] I must call the Angel of Death and consult me the cast bones.
     
  10. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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    Forgot to mention: agreed. The evangelists have to chill it.
     
  11. Orleander OH JOY!!!! Valued Senior Member

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    He even hates Superman because he has powers. He's godlike!
    He hates Madagascar because the lemurs are worshiping false idols
    He hates X-Me because it talks about evolution.

    Can you imagine being this man's child?! If this man was stabbed to death by one of his children while he slept, I wouldn't be surprised.
     
  12. Orleander OH JOY!!!! Valued Senior Member

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    LOL

    Seems the author relies on donations to keep the funds going, and for some reason, people just aren’t opening their pockets to his miracle system like they used to anymore. And so, unfortunately new movies are not reviewed unless someone pays to fund the review of something specific.

    How much does it take to do a “review”? Why, site owner Tom Carder will do a certified (by himself) Christian review of the film of your choice for a mere $350! What a bargain! Now, you may be skeptical and may ask “Are you ****ing nuts, Tom? You go to the movies and count the number of times someone says “****”! Movie ticket is $10, $20 with popcorn and a drink.” Oh, but the process is so much more involved. Read how the complicated test Tom invented is worth your $350 http://www.capalert.com/whatdoesittake.htm
    S
    So now you see how your money is justified. For a mere $350, Tom will count every punch, every curse word, every nipple, every buttcrack, every lie about evolution, every magic spell, and every dirty slimy homosexual FOR YOU, so you can make the choice of slapping down $10 to go see it yourself a little easier.
     
  13. Xev Registered Senior Member

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    10,943
    It's entertaining - I don't regret the 11 bucks I spent watching in in IMAX 3-D. There are points where it's faithful to the poem - Beowulf and Breca's swimming race, the physical portrayl of Grendel (which was awesome), the fact that it was about someone named Beowulf.....
     
  14. Orleander OH JOY!!!! Valued Senior Member

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    Good enough for me!

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
  15. Pandaemoni Valued Senior Member

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    My favorite part from the review is:

    The most heinous childhood-stealing film ever? Hyperbole much?

    Also Nudity was added to the Bible later? He's not even a very good Christian.
     
  16. peta9 Registered Senior Member

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    dun understand religious hypocrisy with nudity when the biblo is chockfull of sexual immorality. handing over virgins to mobs, incest, rape, polygamy, prostitution and all justified. for every one of these mentioned, their is an instance that is clearly condoned in the bible somewhere.
     
  17. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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    "Handing over virgins to mobs"? Must have missed that one.
     
  18. peta9 Registered Senior Member

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    2,326
    the soddom and gommorah story where they are willing to hand over thier daughters to pacify the mob to protect thier guests.
     
  19. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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    Ah, those cities were destroyed, chucklehead. It was considered evil. Not justified.
     
  20. peta9 Registered Senior Member

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    You just had to go there. They were willing to hand them over, alright? and how is that "act" or "intention" not evil or immoral?

    Whatever..i know not to get into any mired arguments about religion anymore.
     
  21. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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    You should, when you lose so often.

    You said the Bible justified this stuff. Yet God destroys Sodam and Gommorah. Wouldn't that suggest that the Bible didn't condone it? Where did I say it wasn't evil or immoral? You really are pretty confused.
     
  22. peta9 Registered Senior Member

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    Actually, i've never lost an argument. where did you get this idea from? your imagination? lol.

    You miss the finer points of that prevailing culture. It was considered acceptable that women were expendable. It had nothing to do with the women but the act of sodomy and homosexuality that was considered abominable.

    Not..too..bright. Don't insult me, unless you want me to show your own ignorance up.
     
  23. Xev Registered Senior Member

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    It's a story in Genesis.

    God is flip-flopping on whether or not to destroy the twin cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, so he sends a couple angels down to check the place out. They run into a man named Lot (later famous for getting hammered and boinking his daughters) and he invites them home as you do. So Genesis 19 says:

    19:3 And he pressed upon them greatly; and they turned in unto him, and entered into his house; and he made them a feast, and did bake unleavened bread, and they did eat.
    19:4 But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter:
    "Bring them out unto us, that we may know them."
    19:5 And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.
    19:6 And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him,
    19:7 And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly.
    19:8 Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.


    Elsewhere Lot is praised and described as a most rightous and worthy man - Sodom and Gomorrah are condemned, not Lot, even though he offered his daughters up to be raped by an angry mob.
     

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